


The Darkness I Know, In You

by Carnal_Wolf



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Dark Betty Cooper, Dark Jughead Jones, F/M, Gangs, Heavy Themes, Jughead Jones is Not Asexual, Motorcycle Culture, Past Abuse, Protective Jughead Jones, Slow Burn, Southside Serpent Betty Cooper, Southside Serpent Jughead Jones, bughead - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-23
Updated: 2019-02-04
Packaged: 2019-04-06 19:50:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 57,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14064297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Carnal_Wolf/pseuds/Carnal_Wolf
Summary: Moving away from Riverdale at 10, Betty’s life has become one of regret.The darkness inside of her became a tool she needed to survive. Twelve years later broken and trying to salvage the pieces of their lives, the Cooper women move back to Riverdale to start again.Jughead is no longer, the sweet, shy boy Betty remembers. He is Vice President of the Serpents Motorcycle Club, and his life has never been the same since Betty exited it. A young Jughead had told Betty, before she left, that he carried her heart, but through the years he suspected that she ,in fact, had taken his.





	1. i carry

**Author's Note:**

> A/U  
> The Coopers moved away when Betty was 10 years old.  
> The adoption, Chic sub story line, never happened.
> 
> Story Title: Credited/Inspired by: Andrew "Hozier" Byrne song: "Better Love"
> 
> Chapter Titles: Credited to e.e cummings poem: [i carry your heart with me(i carry it in]

The sign on the edge of town was our first welcome back. It was new, maybe to accommodate development, all I knew was it hadn’t been there 12 years ago. Moving a wild blonde strand back behind my ear, I slowed down to read it. “Welcome to Riverdale home of bestselling author” and then just a space where you might expect a name. 

I considered the last time we had been on this road leaving, now we came back minus one. New houses gave way to parts that I knew. Turning left at the old sign “Riverdale the town with Pep" it was peeling and unkept, seen better days like us. The next right was Main St., past historical town hall and the sheriff station, if the new (larger than necessary) sign could be believed. The modern station was beautiful glass and brick.

Some of the business's had got there fronts redone with paint or new signs, but overall It was shocking how little had changed, as if more than a decade and all the life that we had all lived hadn’t happened or mattered. I bite my lip hard, how I wish that was true. When we left our lives here it had been to my parents promise of better, but they hadn’t delivered. We were coming back limping, broken and desperately trying not to show it. 

“Betty you are going to miss it” my mother spoke beside me her voice emotion dry. Giving the impression that she was saying the words just to say them, not as if she really cared. I pulled over across the street. We were back older and without dad, no male influence at all in fact, unless Polly’s baby abandoned the women’s club. Looking through my window, across the street at our last hope and new home. ‘’The Register” sign and exterior were by far the shabbiest on the block. It caused me to feel an embarrassment that surprised me, I had given up on caring about appearances long ago. Being back though, I thought sarcastically, one was bound to pick up old habits. 

When we had left town, my father had refused to sell the paper, saying it was all we had left from our family history. Later when we needed the money, and legacies be dammed, we couldn’t get rid of it. My father refused to believe that the newspaper business he spent decades on no longer had value, and would not allow the building and land to be sold without someone continuing his “priceless legacy”. Not accepting the “pitiful offers” because of his inflated dream of the fortune owed him. 

At the time I had rallied against him for not selling, now it was our lifeline our hope in a new life. Without my parents influence the register had limped along the years. Now reduced to two staff that somehow managed to break even if not, on good weeks, made a little. 

“Can we go inside I need to pee” my sister Polly spoke angerly from the back seat “or is going to the bathroom allowed”. Mostly ignoring her I continued looking at our business thinking of all the things we had to do to make the apartment above livable. “Its allowed” I said ignoring her sarcasm. “Just hold on, I’ll drive around to the back”.

Putting the SUV in drive, I pulled out into traffic again hauling our small trailer with all we collectively had left. I turned left on the side street that went along the length of the register and then another left into the back ally. Backing up the trailer to the apartment door, I shut off the vehicle. The silence was deafening yet full of acceptance, anger, fear, perhaps even some hope.

“Ok… home sweet home” my voice almost sounded cheerful, the effect, on all of us, was lost. Outside I surveyed the simple door that lead up to the 2-bedroom apartment. Thinking of all the storage and crap that my parents had left up there, 12 years ago thinking they would come back for it. I took the keys and unlocked it, the stale air that came out suggested that it had been awhile. 

My sister roughly pushed past me and went up the stairs. I let her without comment, looking over at my mother the madding yet strongest women I knew now just looked empty. “Come on mom” I said motioning for her frail body to go up the stairs first. Following her up into the kitchen that had a retro table with four chairs, two walls of old dark kitchen cabinets. Behind the table was the living room with two green uncomfortable looking sofas, an ancient tv and three tall windows out overlooking Main. 

Every surface had boxes or something on it, and a few piles on the floor. I went half way in on the invisible line between kitchen and living room and looked to my left down the short hall that lead to 2 bedrooms and the bathroom that was occupied now with Polly. 

“You and Polly take the master” My mothers voice a whisper as she stood in the kitchen looking lost “it’s bigger”. I turned to her “Are you sure mom?” I questioned. “Yes”, she used her authoritative mother voice, I gave in immediately because she rarely sounded like that anymore. I walked over to the windows, looking down at main street as a few cars drove by. Taking a deep breath, I watched the scene without really seeing it. How could I come back to a life that was worse off, then 12 years ago? 

I shook my head, of course I had been present for every step but it still seem inconceivable. I was divorced, close to completely broke and lacking a respectable career, yet responsible for two other, soon to be three, mouths. I had never even lived in this apartment, my parents moved shortly after finding out they were pregnant with me. It wasn’t even going back to my beginning but back before I was born.

I needed some time alone, I had been trapped in a car for hours with my mothers echoing thin silence and my sisters anger. Turning around I went back to the kitchen where my mother stood far too still maybe having thoughts much like mine. It was so quiet that I could hear Polly washing her hands in the bathroom. I processed a plan, even though I was youngest of us, it fell on me to be in charge. 

“I’m going to get some cleaning supplies at the Army and Navy. Mom why don’t you go down and tell our employees we are here, and then sort through and move the boxes we don’t want in to the kitchen”. I moved opening the door under the kitchen sink to assess what we had. “Start with the bedrooms so we can at least have somewhere to sleep tonight. I’ll unload the beds when I get back.”

I stood up straight thinking of those stairs, how the heck was I going to get the beds up here alone? I shook my head, worst comes to worse mom and Polly could sleep in the double bed mom says is already up here, and Ill find help tomorrow. I turned to her “If somethings too heavy wait for me” my voice stern, the role reversal not lost on me, “And mom keep an eye on her”. I lowered my voice as I heard Polly came out of the bathroom, “don’t let her out of your sight”. My mother nodded understanding as we turned to Polly as she entered the room. “What?” she said accusingly as if she sensed we were talking about her, “I’m pregnant I had to pee”. She was assuming I was mad about her pushing me out of the way, “I was just saying that I’m going to get some cleaning supplies.” Opening the closet, on the other side of the front door, so I didn’t have to look at her eyes. “Right, while I’m stuck here” she said curtly. In the closet was some rags, old jackets, and mop and bucket, I didn’t respond. “I’ll be back in half an hour” I said cheerly as I walked back down the stairs without waiting to hear if she made another comment.

I breathed deeply when I got outside, I thought about disengaging the trailer but didn’t want to be here anymore. It’s only a block away, if it hadn’t moved or closed down. I was trying to not be resentful at the possibility that, a shop I haven’t set eyes on in over a decade, may have inconvenienced me with moving or shutting down, but I wasn’t feeling overly reasonable today. I walked out the alley, down the road looking across main. I crossed and was relieved to see that the store was still were I had left it.

I milled around in the shop for awhile in no rush to get back but feeling guilty with every min away. What if Polly got away again? You would think that lack of money and condition would stop Polly from trying to run back to her abusive drug pushing ex but it hadn’t so far. I paid for the merger supplies and went back out onto the street. 

The spring air was fresh and being here now I allowed my self a moment to relax. Everything for the last couple weeks had been about getting here and I needed to appreciate that we had made it ,before facing the next of a long line of problems. Waiting at the light change to cross main, I closed my eyes and relishing the wind in my loose hair, the promise of freedom in it. Things could be better now I thought, and for a moment I allowed myself to believe it just a little.

An unwelcome voice permeated my moment of peace, “Betty Copper?”. My eyes opened, of course it was inevitable in a town this small but I hadn’t even been here an hour I thought a little angry. The crosswalk man came on indicating that I could go and I considered pretending I hadn’t heard anything, but this was my life now. I looked around trying to spot the culprit with my best fake smile, but I couldn’t see anyone familiar.

“Betts” the voice drew my eyes to a good-looking guy coming out of a black parked car. I was momentary confused, my smile faltered, not recognizing him, but when he got closer the combination of dark wavy hair and familiar green eyes told me the answer before I believed it. “Jughead?” I said unconvinced. “Yep” he said a lazy half smile taking over his face. His stride one of ease, as he came up to me, as If it was everyday he ran into his childhood friends. 

He looked good, too good, the gangly, always too skinny despite his eating habits, youth had given way to a solid muscular form. He was tall and had a presence that took up more space than he physically occupied. He looked a lot like his dad now that I thought about it. His hair just a tad longer that one could call short, his filled-out body and undeniable good looks. Bad boy good looks I noticed taking in his, black leather jacket, t-shirt and worn jeans.

I laughed trying to cover over my thorough examination of him, “I didn’t recognize you without your beanie” I said jokingly. Jughead put one hand through his hair, an action that made my eyes widen and breath catch. “I grew out of it” He looked at me leisurely not at all embarrassing by his assessment, before adding.” I barely recognised you without the ponytail” He chuckling. Not answering I just smiled, I guess we both grew up. 

Jughead looked behind me as if he expected me to be with someone. “its been awhile Betts” his smile gone. “Are you visiting?” he asked “though I don’t recall you ever visiting before”. He said it in an even tone but to me it seemed angry, or it would have had he still been the boy I knew. 

When we had moved, I cut off communication with almost everyone within a year. With every new disappointment that keep piling up, it became harder to answer questions. I had only been in contact with Jughead longer then the rest, because of his bulldog tenuousness that refused to let me go. After being evicted from a couple apartments and no money for a phone, Jugheads lack of finding me had resulted in his final silence. 

I could have contacted him but that would mean I would have to explain. So time passed and with every day, month, year I told myself that I would call him when things got better. I waited for the day when I wasn’t ashamed, but that day never came and after awhile it became just too long even if it had.

I shifted my feet, looking up into this man’s eyes that looked at me like they could see behind all my walls, excuses and lies. As a result of my cowardice he was now someone I didn’t knew. “I’m sorry… I…” what could I say after all this time that would matter to him.

“It’s ok Betts” He looked ashamed like he had kicked my dog. He shook his head looking out over the street his face grim for a thoughtful moment, before looking back. “So how long are you here for? 

I opened my mouth and then immediately closed it, I had plans on what to say knowing that I would run in to old friends. It was going to be honest but only the good parts, how we come back to town for a simple life. How we were going to stay in the apartment until Polly had her baby just like my parents had, isn’t that quaint. How Polly had decided that the city was no place to raise a kid, and mom and I, had come to help.

I was not going to mention how Polly cared more about finding a way back to her boyfriend than being pregnant. Nor that mom’s and my marriages had crashed and in there inevitability, burning us badly, with invisible patterns on our souls that resembles scorched earth. A habit of old rose up in me, stiffening my back. There would be absolutely no mention that we had very little money, no prospects and not much of a plan at all except to come back to this town that had been the last place I remembered feeling really safe and happy.

My eyes looked up, to tell a story that followed all the rules, but meeting his concerned green eyes with my blue I just couldn’t. I couldn’t lie to the man, that as a boy I had been the most honest with. 

Jughead waited, the silence had been too long, longer than socially acceptable. We just stood, in almost comfortable silence, on the street looking at each other. I couldn’t lie but also had nothing else planned that Jughead wouldn’t see through. Talking to others one could constructed speech to take up an amount of time, saying nothing really, until we started talking about them (which is what they wanted anyway). 

Jugheads sharp eyes took it all in. I think in some way he understood what I didn’t say, because he nodded as if I had been speaking. “Are you staying above The Register ”, he asked nodding across the street to the rundown building. “Yes “I said a little too quickly it sounded croaked, “We just got here… we moved back” I added. 

Jughead didn’t say anything but he didn’t seem surprised. His grin reappeared “I guess you need help unpacking then”. I shook my head no way did I want him seeing us like this, I was going to verbally denounce it when he started walking. “I’d like to say hello to your mom… and Polly” he stated. Not sure how he had guessed who I meant by “we”. All I could do was follow as we crossed the street and turned left in the ally. “Aren’t you busy?” I said trying to find something to stop him from going up, “where were you going, the hardware store?” I guessed. 

He continued past our car and paused at the door, turning to me. “Nothing that can’t wait” he opened the door for me but went in first. I sighed giving in, reaching for the offered slab of swinging offending wood. 

Maybe he’d help with the beds, it would be nice not to have to sleep on that couch. I followed him up the long steep stairs, which gave me a great view of the back of his ass and worn leather jacket. I didn’t recognise the patch of a two headed snake on the back, but the words literally spelled out everything I needed to know. Above the snake it said Serpents and under Southside, with a little patch to the right that said MC. 

I stopped, on the stairs , taken aback, Jughead the shy boy that when we were six had kissed my scraped knee so tenderly because that’s what his mom did. Motivated because he hated the thought of my pain, was in a biker gang.

Jughead and my mother were already talking when I reached the top. My mother voice reached me “… why that’s very kind of you, we would love some help. Especially with the furniture, Hal...he isn’t here to... help” she finished with a cracked smile. 

I put on a smile myself, Hal was off with his new wife and wasn’t so concerned about us, that is to say not at all. “Mom where is Polly?” I asked trying to keep any concern out of my voice. “She’s in the bedroom cleaning it out”, mother offered while putting a tacky green vase into a box on the table. My mother looked at me smiling “Did you hear that Jughead offered to help?” 

Jughead was looking at me waiting, as if for permission. I was confused he's the one that stormed in here, but then I realised, he must know that I had seen his jacket. I looked at it more closely from the front, on his chest were white rectangles with black words. On the left single words stacked on top of each other- Jones, Serpents, Legacy -. Our eyes locked again, I don’t know if he was expecting me to kick him out, but all I did was nod. 

He was already seeing us at our worse and, though I was a little embarrassed to admit it, I wanted the help. I was sick of being strong alone. Two weeks ago, my mother, Polly and I had been around another kitchen table. I had told them, convinced them, demanded, that this was the plan and that we were going to do it. I had told them that this was going to save us, drawing on every piece of conviction that I did not really feel, much like my parents had told us all those years ago. I had sold the dream of better, of hope, of Riverdale. Because on our own we were drowning, and I needed to save us. 

I was so distracted with my memories that I didn’t notice Jughead moving towards me until, he was almost beside me. I reacted violently jerking back into the door behind me, hitting my elbow painfully. A movie critic would have deemed it as over acting, even if Jughead had been approaching me with a knife, I rubbed my elbow and chastising my stupidity. 

Jughead response was to pause, slowly take off his jacket and hang it on the first hook to my left. I was blushing knowing what he must think, but unable to think of a way to explain. I looked up at him my eyes just full of apology, but the eyes that meet mine were a tempest sea. His voice however was even “Where first? “Jughead asked. My heart broke that he was still willing to help after what he perceived to be my rejection or fear of him.

I looked down at his chest that had just a moment before given me information, but this time I was looking for how to make this right. What I saw instead was a black T-shirt and a newly revealed sleeve of tattoos on his right arm. I tried not to stare but they definitely added to the bad boy image he had been building for himself. Wordlessly I turned around going back down the stairs, I could hear Jughead follow. I have always had a weakness for men with ink probably rooted in my mother’s strong opposition to tattoos my whole life. I opened up the lock and door to the trailer.

Still thinking of how to explain my over reaction, I answered his question. “I guess we will unload this into the living room and bedrooms, and then I can load it with the stuff my mother doesn’t want”. Jughead nodded to my instructions, his face hard and stern ready for the task as he grabbed a dresser. My voice stopped him.

‘’ Jughead I want to explain why I reacted that way...’’ my tone and words sounded so lame, like a school project presentation, overly formal and utterly awkward. ‘’No need’’ he interrupted his voice gruff, moving the dresser out. I pushed forward, touching his tattooed arm. Through this speech was awkward and clearly unwanted, if there was a chance that I could take away the pain I had to try. Pain that he didn’t show but I suspected. I would be devastated if I thought my oldest friend, moments after learning I was in a gang, had noticeably shrunk away from me in fear. 

His arm was so warm under my palm as I tried. "I jerked back, not because I feared you Jughead… But because... I thought you were going to touch me…nicely.’’ I looked at him imploringly but my words had clearly made it worse, his already storming eyes pinpointed in focus rage. My breath became rapid, panicking, I didn’t know what to say.

So, I just opened my mouth and spoke with no forethought at all. "I'm not saying you were making an advance or that would be unwelcome. I just can't ... I'd rather you hit me than caress me… I could take any kind of abuse from you or anyone better, then something tender… kind or …or’’ or love. Love was what almost destroyed me not physical abuse. Loving someone that didn't, couldn't, wouldn't love me back. Every time I dared believe in love, it was taken away and destroyed. I tried not to remember that this curse of mine had started with this man before me. Affection wasn't something I could afford to believe in anymore.

I continued more slowly ‘’I reacted, moving from you, because of the possibility of something kind …" He wasn't the first I had reacted that way to, as if a hug or kind touch was a punch. How did this become my normal?. The words hung there between old friends. I could see the confusion and then sorrow in his face before he nodded in understanding. 

He understood or understood enough. Something I didn’t even know fully myself. He turned his body towards me slowly careful not to touch. His voice was sad and maybe angry "I’d rather you hated me, then that be the truth’’. I understood him as well. He would prefer to have lost me, then for me to have lived the life that brought me to this.

We unloaded in record time I couldn’t have imagined having to do it without Jughead. Mom hard work did wonders as well. I looked at her concerned, she was too skinny. I’ve hardly seen her eat anything since I’ve been back. 

Me and Jughead managed to put two doubles in the master bedroom, at one point he had pinned me between a bed and the wall which he thought was funny. I threw a pillow at him, and made threats, until I could worm my way out. The master had just enough space for the dressers and beds, but nothing else. 

Jug and I tentatively fell into light playful banter, with the occasional classic Jughead sarcasm, he was the most cynical kid I had ever met. I kept mine under wraps he was getting use to enough of my changes. We were testing the new waters still not sure how things might be received, the preverbal toe in the ocean between us.

He even insisted in helping load the unwanted boxes, and cabinet of old archives from the newspaper back into the trailer after we got everything in. Mothers and Polly cleaning and putting away our few possessions had the place livable by supper.

I felt like a sweaty mess, Jughead looked like he had been relaxing all day. His tattooed arm had become a point of fascination for me, as we brought things up and down the stairs. At the top of his arm, I had spied a blood red moon, the rest was filled with- chains, gears, snakes, a couple skulls, ripped out pages from a book and at the bottom dipping into his hand were the cardinal points. With the S, for south, being larger and entwined with a serpent. 

I chanced a long look over at him now, as we admired the kitchen, his right hand rested on his hip. He glanced back at me noticing my regard, I looked away. His hands were masculine and beautiful, he obviously worked with them. I never understood people appreciation for butts, but then again, some people didn’t understand my weakness for hands. I looked back at the one on his hip it was perfect, perfect because it was hard and held the evidence of being used in life. The scraps, scars, calluses all told a story.

“Betty” his voice was low, I looked up lazily about to responded before our eyes meet. In his eyes were answers to questions I was never going to ask, they were hard like the rest of him, but mostly hungry. He was to one that looked away “I’ll park the trailer” he said walking past me grabbing the keys by the door. I watched him feeling like, again, I had done something wrong but not knowing what.

When he came back up my mother thanked him, as I busied myself wiping down the table with a clean rag. “We couldn’t have done it without you” I added. Out the corner of my eye I could see him rolled his shoulders as if it wasn’t a big deal, but I knew in this world true friends helped you move. I put the rag in the sink now having no excuse not to look at our guest.

Jughead grinned at me “It’s not everyday a guy can say he has come to the rescue of three damsels”. His joke an attempt to undermine what he had done, but It meant a lot to us, to me. I was ashamed because I hadn’t been as good a friend to him in a long time.

I had though when I cut off contact that I was saving them from my problems, but what it really did was just keep me away from them. My gaze went to his jacket on a hook, my mother must have noticed it herself, but when I looked at her for a reaction she was just smiling at Jughead gratefully. 

Polly was in our room unpacking. I didn’t know what to do now, the hospitable thing would be to invite him to supper, but we had no food and ordering in would be an expense we couldn’t afford. We had barely enough to make it until I could get a first paycheck, or mother got the little from the paper. Id budgeted the last of our money right down to cleaning supplies to last the next three weeks granted I could get a job tomorrow, which might be a small miracle. 

Jughead saved me for the awkward moment “Why don’t I take you ladies to Pops as a welcome back, my treat”. I blushed he must have guessed our situation. “We are the ones that should be treating you, for all your help.” I said embarrassed 

Jughead shook his head “With the way I eat it would most definitely not be a fair trade on your part, besides I practically live at Pops”. Jughead grinned at me “If you guys really want to thank me, invite me over for a home cooked meal when you are settled in. That would be a reward”. 

My mother said the words that I was wondering, “No one at home to cook for you?”. “No” Jughead shook his head running his hand through his hair again, with his half smile “Just me and my dog and I haven’t trained him to cook”. 

So, he lived alone. I accepted the information, and ignored the way that my heart jumped. It would have been easier if he had been with someone. It wasn’t a help that my old friend was gorgeous, generous, and possibly single, when there was no way my heart was ready to start trusting again.

I wasn’t even ready to consider a date, let alone starting a relationship. The thought of hoping again…in a guy …made me physical sick. I shook my head and touched my stomach, I was empty and didn’t have anything to offer anyone. 

Jugheads noticed my discomfort, and tried to hide his concern, obviously I hadn’t been any good keeping my inner thoughts off of my face. My mothers response surprised me, “We would love to. Just let up get our stuff and we will meet you there”. She sounded good, almost happy. 

Jughead nodded, took his jacket off the hook and then slung it on his body, in one fluid movement that suggested he had done it a hundred times before. With a last half smile at us he went down the stairs without another word, the snake on his back sinking out of sight. I didn’t move until I heard the bottom door close. 

I looked over at my mother tenitively, the women I grew up with would have said something cutting perhaps or warned me to stay away from Jughead. She had done so in the past, before she had warmed up to him. She had always, for reasons I never understood, been extra watchful when Jughead had been over, accepting but uneasy with our friendship. 

Now she smiled at him and made dinner plans. There is no way she missed his jacket or tattoos. I expected a reaction, especially with all the trouble with Polly. I can’t believe she was agreeing to this. She noticed my looks and sighed. “Betty we are alone and too friendless to be choosy, besides its Jughead, and really…” she paused becoming that empty women again “with the mess we have made with our lives who are we to judge”. She turned slowly and went down the hall.


	2. your heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Betty gets introduced to Serpent life.

My mother was right about us not being in a place to judge, even though I reject the premise that people with there shit together get to. I had experience in a “perfect” household, it wasn’t, you just learned how to hide better. 

Not that my mother had done anything to deserve my father’s unfaithful actions and abandonment. He actually had looked at us, his family, as an inconvenience in the end. Even though the truth of that stung, I had used it to our benefit. I got him to sign over The Register completely to mother. I promised him that if he didn’t, I would make the new life and wife experience a living hell. 

In truth I think he would have done it anyway. He wanted to just be rid of us, but I had enjoyed saying it and witnessing the fear in his eyes. I had made my mess marrying at 17 , thinking I had found my saviour and to get away from home, the fracturing happiness, pretending and fighting. When my family had left Riverdale it had started out ok, but my dad had not been happy working under someone else, no longer calling all the shots in his own business. Maybe he was also too prideful to go back to Riverdale. I was never sure why we left here nor why we didn’t come back after things didn’t work out. 

Both parents just keep reciting the party line, of things getting better for us. I had cried every night for months after we left, but rarely since. My old plan of self- safety, being perfect, didn’t serve me will in the city. Where people thought the goody routine was hypocritical and fake. 

So, I had adjusted to what the new crowd demanded, not being perfect but instead street smart and overly prepared. Mother soon after moving had to get a full-time job, and had less time and energy focusing her attention on her daughters. In the city where no one knew us or cared about our stellar reputation, personal perfection pressure fell away to making money and surviving.

In our car I drove the rest of the way down Riverdale Main, all of us silently noticing changes and what remained the same. I took a right at the end and then another, into Pops parking lot. 

Pops looked the same, it was clean and in good repair, if they ever painted i wagered they didn't change the color much. There were quite a few cars so I parked on the far-left end overlooking evergreen forest. 

Well on this side of the tracks that’s what it was called, on the south side Fox Forest. It was the same woodland with only the train tracks, just behind pops, to mark the boundary. As if some small amount of tared wood and iron made good reason for segregation. 

It was only in moving I realized the extreme boundaries, that where commonplace in Riverdale, were actually archaic and clique to the extreme. Even In high school the drinking parties for Riverdale high had been at Sweet Water River, east of the north end. 

While Southside school kids went to Crystal Lake east of southside. Both schools partied as they lived, land that was connected but was always apart. If you were brave, and female, you could crash a southern party without violence and vis-versa but the men from either side didn’t take well to rival men showing up at parties to take their girls. 

We got out of the car and walked towards the front door to Pops when I spotted Jughead talking with a few guys at the east side of the diner. “Mom get us a spot. I’ll be right in”. She looked at me nodding compliance, the old mother would have demanded an explanation.

As I moved towards the group, I noticed that everyone seemed to have given Jugheads group extra space. Even thought there were some open parking spaces on either side of the 4 bikes, people had opted to park farther away then take those spaces.

There was a guy talking to Jughead, and what he said must have been displeasing, because Jugheads whole body was stiff. With a few more steps I caught his voice, deadly like a coiled snake. “… to explain that we do things our way and if he doesn’t fall in line. I know an empty…” Jughead stopped and turned around watching me approach. 

The long-haired guy talking to Jughead must have indicated my coming up behind him. I felt suddenly awkward and wished I hadn’t approached, but I needed to make sure we were still doing this otherwise we would have to go home.

“Hey Jughead we just got here, sorry we took so long”. My familiar address had definitely got the attention of all the guys, where my approach alone had not. As if they were use to women approaching, just not ones that knew their names. Jughead didn’t say a thing, the thoughtful guy that had invited us out for burgers was gone. This guy looked dangerous, and I felt something I have never felt because with Jughead, scared. His mood hadn’t change with seeing me, in fact it looked worse. Remember this, I told myself, set this in your mind for later, when you delude yourself in thinking Jughead can be trusted. I took a deep breath. I couldn’t afford to get pulled back into nostalgia, this Jughead was the real one, and there was nothing safe about him. 

We stared as we had a few hours before but there didn’t appear to be any warmth in his eyes, “If you are busy we can just do it some other time” I offered. It was one of the guys, leaning on Pops, that broke that sides embargo of silence. 

“Who are you?” his tone hard, his smiled sexual looking me over. He was tall and had a tattoo on his neck of a snake. I kept my tone smooth “I’m just an old friend of Jugheads”. I was starting to feel like I needed to justify my being there and I hated that feeling. I looked at Jughead it was becoming clear he didn’t want me here. His treatment however was pissing me off, “You going to say anything? Acknowledge that I’m standing right in front of you speaking?” 

The four guys got very still, their muscles taunt for ready action. Ya I’m such a fucking threat, I shook my head at them. They looked at Jughead for direction. It was a weird stalemate of silence. Fine I thought, I was disappointed in him; apparently common curtesy was too much to expect. I didn’t even care why he was doing this, I had enough to think about. I turned to leave when the guy that had been talking to Jughead spoke. 

He was good looking and had an easy friendly smile. “I’m Jughead’s oldest friend and I can assure you that there was none before or since” he chuckled changing the tension in the air. I found myself grinning as he continued, “I’m afraid that you are going to have to provide proof, if your thinking of taking my title, blondie”.

And …smile gone, I know he hadn't meant to but that nickname pissed me off. The first guy with the neck tattoo, pushed himself off the wall. “Well if no ones claiming her, I’ll take her home. I smiled sickly sweet back at him ‘’I keep fine company all by myself’’. I wasn’t the innocent girl I had been when I left, my innocence was one of the first things to go. Dealing with men like this had become second nature. I ignored the chuckle from neck tattoo and turned back to Jugheads “Old friend”. I shrugged unconcerned, I didn’t have to prove anything to anyone I reminded myself, but this might be fun. ‘’Maybe I’ll let you have the title, But I doubt that you know all Jugheads secrets like I do” I looked over at the subject of our talk. 

He still didn’t interfere maybe he just wanted to see where this would go. I found myself almost appreciating that he wasn’t rushing in to save me. Maybe he thought I could handle it, maybe he wanted to test if I could. Our new reformed friendship could falter here, and it would hurt a little, but I would be fine. I knew what I could survive and I was use to facing the world alone anyway. They had gotten a kick out of my comment, and were laughing, debating among themselves what I might knew. The thing was that I was actually telling the truth. Jughead and I would sneak out into our backyards where, unlike with Archie on the other side, our fence was made of bushes, instead of fence posts and wood. We would talk, often laying beside each other holding hands, about the future and what we wanted, what we were scared of, everything. 

We play games or make up stories and even though we were friends with Archie, we never invited or told him. We never talked about it during the day, it was all our secret. These stolen times at night were only for us. I shook my head smiling bitterly. We even talked, sometimes, about how when we got older we would marry and have kids. Jughead always said it was easier to speak the truth in the dark. Those secrets he told, the ones that were real and not just talk, I never told a living soul. “Do tell usurper, if you want my crown. The names Joaquin” he nodded to me friendly. “Betty”. I nodded to him. My name had an impact because Joaquin’s smile faltered for a moment.

I thought back to some of the things that Jughead had shared that wouldn’t matter now. “Well I bet you didn’t know that Jughead saw Mrs. Peterson sunbathing naked from the ally.” I said which got a big laugh out of the group. I looked over at Jughead challenging him, if he wanted me to stop then he was going to have to say something.

Joaquin chuckled “I don’t think he’s ever mention that. What else do you know about our V.P” Joaquin’s comment caught me off guard which he missed but looking to Jughead I saw that his sharp eyes did not. ‘’Vice president’’ I thought. As if I had known somehow where to get the proof, I looked back at his jacket but this time at the right side. The stack of boxes said V. President, Riverdale M, TCOCB, 5%. 

Dismissing what all that might mean for later, I tried to think of some other “secret” to tell them, so much was still not appropriate, raw. His parents fighting, his dads drinking. Jugheads greatest fears. These things would never come from my lips even though we had only been children. I smiled thinking of something that might crack him. “Did you know that Jughead loved that boy band, oh what was their name?” I elongated the torture for dramatic gain “The band that sounded like girls” my smile widened in mischievous humor. Knowing that if there was anything of the boy I knew, being associated with bad music would get under his skin. It worked. “One song, doesn’t mean I loved them” Jughead voice was gruff and low, it washed over my body like a physical touch. His eyes however were assessing me as if I was a threat. “Remind me to watch what I say around you, Betty. You never forget a thing”. 

I shook my head, pleased with myself, “Your real secrets will always be safe with me”. A serious mood settled on me and It all of a sudden became important that he understand that. Our eyes meet again for a long time, then he nodded “I know.” I nodded to. 

When the moment past Jugheads voice got louder and with sly humor he announced me “Guys meet Betty, My Oldest friend”. Joaquin groaned good naturally the others guys laughed. “Betty this is Sweet Pea” he motioned to the guy that offered to take me home. 

“This is Iron clad,” gesturing to a serious guy that had not participated in the conversation, he was off to the side. He was older with a long beard, he nodded at me during the introduction then his gaze went back out to the parking lot as if he expected trouble. “and Fangs” he said to the last guy who had a wide face that was smiling. “Guys, me and Betty are going to get something to eat.”, His tone telling not asking. Jughead turned back to Joaquin “handle it.” Joaquin nodded. “Clad, Sweet pea, keep him company’’, Iron Clad nodded, his eyes filled with devotion when he looked at Jughead. “Fangs get a prospect to get those parts before the depot closes. Gear needs them for tomorrow”. Jughead turned around and moved towards me, speaking to the guys over his shoulder, ‘’Phone me if there is a need otherwise…” he left the rest, but Sweet Pea finished “otherwise Fuck off” he laughed. 

Jughead wordlessly put his arm around my waist and steered me towards the door. It wasn’t forced but I shivered at the possessiveness, surprisingly not uncomfortable with it. As if they read my mind a voice came from behind us, “Watch out oldest friend, blondes are his type” I think it was Joaquin. They all laughed, we didn’t turn around but Jugheads mood got less jovial. 

Still a little angry at his behaviour towards me I asked sweetly, “That true?” as we approached the front. Jughead put his hand high on the door to stop me from opening it all the way and looked down. His eyes had that angry hunger again, “that a problem?”. I was starting to realise that it was unwise to flirt with Jughead, he didn’t deal in fluffy fictional banter. He might participate because he appreciated wit, but the raw honestly would always be underneath. Jughead was the type that took not just looked.

Most guys you could tease in good fun, in fact it was one of my favorite things to do with the opposite sex. It was only a problem when you came across the blessed few, a guy that said what he meant. That was straight forward and didn’t play games unless they planned to win, when Jughead spoke others obeyed. Unless I was willing to accept where this might lead, I needed to pull back. With Jughead there was no such thing as harmless flirting.

At least this is what I should do, I thought, no promises. “Its not a problem who you take to bed, it’s got absolutely nothing to do with me” meaning it would never be me, I said it serious no longer smiling. I knew he would appreciate my honestly. Jughead seemed to accept this and I felt instantly bad like I had come on too strong and needed to explain. 

Unfortunately when I feel bad or nervous I babble, “its not that you are not attractive or even interested” I added “ I’ve just had my heart broken and I don’t think I could ever trust a guy again, on a cellular level’’ I continued seriously and devoid of emotion as if I was discussing scientific theory , and in fact I was ‘’ I suspect that I was so broken, that my body will not allow it to happen again. You know how when you get really sick on one type of alcohol or from a food and your body rejects it ever after”, stopping my inner thought process to realize that we were still standing with the door half open. thankfully no one had needed to come through.I started laughing at my rabbit trail with others I might have been embarrassed but with Jughead, even though he was different, this wasn’t. “What I’m trying to say is, it’s not you it’s me” I tried to keep a straight face but was failing. 

Jughead smiled opening the door all the way and leading me in behind him “Not even one date and you are already breaking up with me” He said in sarcastic horror. I smiled at the familiarity of us bugging each other, “Ignoring the fact that I don’t think you are the type to date anyway.” I paused chuckling thinking of Jughead doing the whole dinner, movie and flowers. “I think people could learn from us, skip all the beginning and middle nonsense, and just go straight to the excruciating painful end”.

I spotted my Mom and Polly on the right at the end booth and moved towards them. “I don’t know.’’, Jughead said his half smile carnal ‘’ I think there are some really good parts in the middle” his voice got low. I shivered, this conversation was getting dangerous but I was having fun. “True… but really its just sweaty, and “I paused for dramatic affect “so much work”. 

Jughead hand pulled me tighter against his side. My heart was pounding, my head screaming that I was taking it too far. His voice was heavy and wanting “Believe me I don’t mind the work”. “Work?” my mother said, I pulled away and got into the booth. Sliding up to the window feeling guilty, I had no business encouraging him. There was nothing left in me to offer. 

Jughead paused looking at my retreat then sat beside me but kept his distance. “I was just thanking Jughead again for helping us out” I explained, braving a look next to me. Jughead gave me a half smile, which made it better as if it had just been an inside joke. I still vibrated from the feel of him pressed beside me, I hadn’t been touched in such a long time. It occurred to me that our walk in here had been the most genuinely happy and unafraid I’ve been in a long time. I hadn’t even pulled away from his initial touch.

We had a great time and Jughead took on the role of entertainer, and soon had us all at ease. Making it his job to make us laugh. I looked over at him in appraisal, he use to be too shy to be center of attention, and though I suspected he still didn’t like it. He had grown in the skill of being seen since we left. Much like the boy I had known, he shared insightful, well worded comical observations of locals, people me knew. Jughead even had Polly laughing. After the stories my mothers did some classic probing. 

Jughead shared how his mom had left town a few years after us, taking his sister, how F.P and him had moved to the southside, not needing the house anymore. Jelly Bean was in high school and she spend the summers out in Riverdale. I knew he was using the better version of things skill that I had learned as well, this wasn’t all of the story, but my mother didn’t dig. 

I was looking at my milkshake wondering how's pops were still the best I've ever had when Jughead caught me off guard ‘’ Do you still work on vehicles?’’, He continued reminiscing with a smile, ‘’ I remember nothing could tempt you away if your dad was in the garage.’’ I took a long sip from my drink, it hurt to think of me and dads shared hobby. Which later became necessity because we couldn’t afford anyone else to look after our car. 

My mother answered for me, ‘’ Oh yes Betty still works on cars, she has restored many. ‘’ my mother smile deaerated most likely because it was hard thinking of me fixing cars without the thought of my dad. I looked over at her, for awhile she had managed to forget and be happy, she had even eaten. I tried to coax a smile from her by offering my own, but it was too late she was already in her pit where not much of anything could reach her.

When I had left home he had gotten more abusive with her. He probably always had been but now he just didn’t care to hide it. I had not known the full extent or more truthfully hadn’t wanted to see. I never imagined that my mother couldn’t handle herself, but now she held the scars of years. Everyone had a breaking point.

I found myself talking past my thoughts, “When money was tight, which after that first year was always…” I scoffed “I would fix and sell whatever I could get my hands on, to bring in some money. Mom makes it sound like I put together show pieces, but I never had the money for that.” I don’t know why I said it, other then he asked and because it was Jughead. Thinking back to those nights in our yards, If I couldn’t tell him I couldn’t tell anyone. 

Jughead off course being Jughead understood what I said and didn’t say. He continued as if I hadn’t made an awkward social blunder. ‘’Are you thinking of getting a job at a shop’’ He asked serious. I shook my head instantly, anxiety rising up in me. ‘’Why?’’ he frowned, ‘’I swear by 10 you knew more than the average mechanic’’. I frowned answering, ‘’I’ve never been to school or anything ...’’. ‘’ so ‘’ Jughead interrupted dismissively, leaning forward so I would look at him. His eyes challenging, his tone hiding anger, ‘’ You can do it. Can’t you?’’. The question was there between us demanding. I looked at him sideways, ‘’ I can do it’’ I admitted. ‘’ Good ‘’ he said taking a long breath. 

I looked over at Polly and my mother, they were looking down at their food. I was teetering between letting it go due to social expectations, or the confused anger of saying something. It was a battle between the person I use to be, not asking or being inconvenient, and the me now that needed information in order to survive. The anger won out. I looked at him with pointed focus, “What was that about? Why do you keep being angry at me?”. I needed to know, knowing he was the type of man to tell me. The wait was not long. “I’m angry because the girl I knew, knew what she was capable of. She was more fearless then not. Hell, you had us chasing bad guys as soon as you were old enough to read” his hand clenched on the table beside me. “So, when that fearless girl, tells me that she doesn’t think she’s good enough for a mechanic job…” he shook his head “It makes me want to hunt down the people who made her believe that, feel that, and have a good long conversation”. 

I looked away my heart was pounding, I put my shaking hands in my lap, he wasn’t angry at me but for me, that was something I wasn’t familiar with. With my ex everything somehow managed to be my fault. We were all silent, I had ruined the fun time, I should have let it go. 

After a couple moments Jughead calm voice reached out again, ‘’ There is a shop, Riverdale Auto, just a couple blocks from The Register, do you remember where it is?’’ he asked. I thought about it for a sec and then nodded, it was at the far end of Riverdale High Street. ‘’ you should check them out I know they were looking for someone ‘’ he finished and I nodded It would be better than retail. 

Soon after we were finished eating and Jughead got the check. We thanked him and mother promised to invite him over sometime soon. As we walked out the door Polly and mom went ahead, Jughead come up beside me. “I’m sorry about my outburst” he said with dark humor.

I paused looking at him “it’s ok, it's just cause you care” I said it as a question as if I didn’t really know if it was true. “I’m sorry to… ‘’ Jughead interrupted me "there is nothing for you to apologise for” he looked back towards Pops and beyond that towards Southside. “I’m not the sweet guy you use to know, not anymore” he said it matter of fact without emotion. 

My laughter brought his gaze back, in a sarcastic tone I learned most likely from him “Right, you just spent hours helping us move and then because you know we don’t have money, paid for our supper. Nope not sweet at all”

He gave me a half smile, and we just stood enjoying the moment. “I guess now, when you are so fond of me, would be the time to ask for your number’. ‘’ Smooth Jug’’. In an even smoother voice he added ‘’ Shouldn’t I have the phone number of my oldest friend?’’.

I chuckled looking over at where the guys had been. “You know I’m not the same either. I… " I shook my head dismissingly "its not dark enough for all my secrets” I laughed trying to cover over the pain. Jughead stepping forward slowly so he wouldn’t scare me, and even though my heart was racing I didn’t move away.

He lifting my chin so I wouldn’t hide, so I would hear him not just the words he said “I want to hear them. I want to know the women you became, and I swear all my anger on hearing it well never be directed at you” I nodded my chin out of his hand and he let me go. 

Holding my palm out to him, he paused a moment looking at it before taking out his phone typing something and gave it to me. His wallpaper was a close up of a young girl with the same black hair and green eyes as him ‘’ Is that Jelly bean’’ I asked smiling. 

He nodded. I went to contacts and tapped on new, in first name I put “Oldest” and in last I put “Friend”. Grinning at myself I started typing in my phone number, when a text came down from the top from Joaquin 

‘’ Clad got shot. We’re clean, no need to interrupt your reunion. Going to worm’’. I stood stunned as it disappeared. ‘’Clad’s shot’’ I said remembering the watchful man I had just meet little over an hour ago. Jughead took his phone, out of my offering hand. His fingers steadily moved until he had found the message and went still. Why would Joaquin send such serious news via text? I wondered, what emergency would have deserved a phone call? Jughead looked back up at me calmly ,‘’ I need to go’’, he said devoid of emotion but still not moving a muscle. 

‘’Wha...’’ I scoffed disbelieving ‘’ is he ok? ‘’ I said it even though I realized it was stupid, he saw the same message I had. ‘’ I’m coming with you’’ I said looking around mom and Polly were already in the car. 

‘’No, you are not’’ Jughead voice commanding as I snapped my head back. Oh, how I wanted to argue with him but it wasn’t the time so I jumped to the good part. ‘’ Jughead I am coming with you alone, or with my mother and Polly your choice’’. I said firmly thinking about the what the text had said about “being clean” and ‘’ the worm ‘'. I had a very clear memory of the sign to a rundown building on the southside, as my mother was outside in the dark arguing with someone. “The Wythe Worm” I said pulling it from memory, his frown confirmed that I was right. I didn’t know the exact location but it was a small town, and he couldn’t stop me from going myself. 

He relented ‘’ Fine tell your mother we are seeing a friend of mine about a job’’ he said pointing to the car. I walked over as quickly as I dared without giving anything away and relayed the info to my surprised mother, handing her the keys. 

“Ya I bet you need to see a guy about a job” Polly commented from the back. I ignored her, turning away. Jughead had already gotten into his car and was driving up behind ours, as my mother went around to the driver’s seat. 

As I got into Jugheads car, i couldn't help but wonder, if there would be a time in my future when i looked back at this moment and wished i had made another choice.


	3. with me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Betty gets farther into Jughead and Serpent life.

The drive was short. As we turned into the lot that held the Whyte Worm, I realized that it was a bar not making that connection as a kid. Even as an adult it seemed an odd choice for a gun shot victim. I got out of the car, the bar was set back from the road quite a bit with forest crowding the right side of it. Jughead had parked away from the front, which held quite a few bikes. The Worm was not as run down and it seemed a lot bigger, than I remember.

It had three floors, and a large outdoor area no accessible from the front. Jughead was not rushing, but he wasn’t going slow either as he opened the door behind him for me. He was in the habit of walking into places ahead of me, what was that about, I absentmindedly wondered. Inside was dark and had a lot of people drinking, sitting, a few playing pool. A lot more then I would have thought given the vehicles outside. Jughead got nods and greetings from everyone, the mood was somber. They must all know about the shooting. Jughead without stopping went past the tables, bar and went through a service door down a short hallway. That had an opening to the kitchen on the left, we went to the end. 

The calm of Jughead, even of the group out front, was in strong contrast to the back. There was a handful of people and Clad on a hospital bed, pale with blood everywhere. Jughead immediately took command of the room, and everyone I swear breathed a sigh of relief.

‘’ Where the hell is Vaughan?’’ Jughead demanded looking around. Joaquin and Sweetpea turned their focus from Clad, relived and bloody. Joaquin motioned to Sweetpea to hold pressure and came over to us.‘’ You told me this was handled’’ Jughead said cool and threatening. ‘’ It wasn’t bad… then on the way back… I’ve been busy’’ Joaquin finished anger flaring up, only to subside a moment later. He continued calmer ‘’Vaughan is MIA and Fangs has been trying to get someone else’’ he nodded to the corner where Fangs was on his cell talking to someone. ‘’ We don’t pay Vaughan a fortune to disappear.’’ Jughead looked over at Clad angerly .

I walked up to Sweet pea all humor gone from his face. Clad was pale and clammy, he's lost too much blood. ‘’Do you have Ringers or any blood here?’’ I asked Sweet pea bless his soul, he was putting up a brave front but he was lost and useless. ‘’Jughead’’ I yelled cutting through their conversation. “I need blood or blood bags that have this clear fluid do you guys have anything like that?’’

Jughead came up beside me, I could feel his eyes assess me for a heavy moment before he asked, ’What else do you need?’’. I continued loudly ‘’ He’s in shock. I need blankets, someone turn up the heat, oxygen if you have it… Does anyone know his blood type?” I looked over at Jughead “put a tourniquet on his leg tight, above the wound and note the time”. I hovered over the prone man “Clad?”, putting pressure to his sternum ‘’ Can you hear me?’’. Clad muttered incoherently. Joaquin must have gone to get the oxygen. I nodded as he was put the mask, on Clads pale face

‘’ Is there a reason he isn’t in a hospital?’’ I asked needing all the info. Joaquin answered me his voice clear even with the chaos around us. “Clad would have killed me if I had suggested it… and it… and it was just the leg”. I shook my head “Its too much blood, at some point the artery got nicked’’ I shook my head clearing it “Whatever happened it’s a problem now. Jughead?” he had finished the tourniquet and was putting blankets over Clad body, everything but the leg. His eyes shot up. “He can still go to the hospital.” I stated. Jughead shook his head curt and final, “He would rather die free”. I could tell that the statement pained him, that it wasn’t his wish but he would honor it.

I looked back at Clad “Look I can buy us some time but we need a doctor… soon” I went around Clad to the wall of medical cabinets as Jughead sent men off to find someone even if it meant kidnapping them. “Where are your iv supplies?" I asked. Joaquin showed me, I sorted through them taking what I needed. I came back fishing out Clad's left arm and prepping it for my needle. “does he have any diseases or conditions I should know about?”, Joaquin was surprisingly the one that answer even though I was looking a Jug, “No”. Jug shook his head to confirm. 

I got the needle into a vein with my second try. I was just about to add the tubing and juice when Jughesd came up beside me with two pouches of blood out of nowhere. ‘’ Its O’’ he said. I sighed in relief I had found a bag of Ringers but this would be better. I looked down at the two bags like they were a miracle. “Is this all we got’’ "No" , Jughead motioned behind me to the end of the cabinets were a glass door fridge full of blood sat. 

I quickly put the tube in to the blood bag and opened it up ‘’ Hold this high’’ I said handing it to Jughead. I took the time to look around the room that had less people but more medical equipment than I had first seen. In fact, it was fairly well stocked. 

I turned back to Jughead ‘’ how long has it been since you put the tourniquet on’’ Jughead looked at his watch on his left free hand. Bless a man that still wore a watch. ‘’ 5 mins’’ he said. I took a deep breath it felt like an hour. Sweetpea was removing all the bloody bandage and replacing them with new ones ‘’Build up the pads but don’t remove the last couple layers o.k. Always keep pressure. “I said getting him some more large gaze from the open drawer. Going back to Jug I replaced the empty blood bag with the second. ‘’Tell me when its been 20 mins’’. Jughead nodded understanding, ‘You going to tell me where you learned all this?’’, Using his free hand to move away the loose hair from my face. I looked up at him, ‘’ No’’. I went to the fridge to get more blood. Jughead phone rang he listened then responded “Get him here now”. Hanging up he looked at me than Joaquin, “Fang found Vaughan. Call off the guys.” Joaquin nodded. And I realized that they really had been planning on kidnapping someone, prepared to go to jail because Clad was bleeding out, and there V.P told them to. "Where was he?” I asked curious as Joaquin texted quickly. Jughead smiled but it was without humor “He had excuses.” 

“Well” Joaquin interjected, finishing his text “We usually give him a heads up if we are planning to bled’’. “Call them” Jughead ordered. Joaquin nodded then dialed, walking out the door.

At 20 mins with fresh padding and Jughead switching places with Sweet pea. I took off the tourniquet for 2 long …long mins, which of course lead to more blood coming out but Jughead kept on top of it. I debated vehemently back and forth in my head wither I should be doing this, especially when more blood was seeping through the gaze. It seemed a waste with a man that had very little to lose. I debated life over limb, in my head those long mins before we hit 20 mins and the doctor had yet to arrive. What won the argument for me was knowing the little I did about this man. If he was willing to risk death not going to a hospital, he wouldn’t think much of life without a leg. Especially if he couldn’t ride, so I compromised with less time. We used 3 more bags of blood before Fang came in dragging a man that looked terrified, but seeing us, to his credit, he came over. Assuming his identity I told him what I had done so far. ‘’ I’m going to need your help’’ he said his look pleading and I nodded. He went to the drawers knowingly. Jughead behind me, put a hand on the small of my back giving me comfort i didn't know i needed.

It was short work but, who I assumed was Vaughan, was very professional and got it done quickly. 

Jughead and Vaughan had a conversation as I bagged up the blooding gauze and went to wash my hands in the sink not that it improved my appearance much because my clothes were covered in blood wet and dried but It made me feel better, I guiltily hoped Clad didn’t have any blood borne illnesses because I had been to much in a rush to get gloves or P.P.E, thankfully I didn’t have any cuts. 

I felt his warmth behind me as I dried my hands, ‘’ Betty, Vaughan’s staying to look after Clad but he thinks he will be fine’’ I nodded putting the used paper towel into the garbage. Turning around looking up at Jughead. At some point he must have taken off his jacket and even though it didn’t show up as good as on mine his black shirt and pants where bloody to. ‘’ Come on ‘’ he said and I was a mixed of exhaustion and buzzed, I didn’t think to question where. He took my hand again and lead us surprisingly farther back into the worm not towards the front. I guess we wouldn’t want to scary the patrons. 

We went down another small hall and through a door that lead outside, where there was an unmarked white van, inside had been set up as an ambulance. There was blood and the stretcher were missing. Jughead pulled out his phone from his pocket and made a call. “Send the prospects to get the bikes” then he hung up. The rest of the back yard was nice and clean, with picnic tables on the grass, a fire pit with bench’s, and BBQs. There was even a large jungle jim area at the far end.

Jughead moved right. I looked over as we past by the outdoor section that I had seen from the front. It had a roof with exposed beams and white lights. A deck on the ground and small round tables which had some men sitting and drinking in the cool night air. They didn’t seem to notice us as we walked to the edge of the wood at the far-right corner of the yard. There was a small area about 20 feet not fenced in. When we got closer I saw the small path that lead through the trees into the dark. 

‘’Jughead’’ I asked tentatively, now caring a little about where we were going. He turned at my voice and squeezed my hand ‘’ It’s ok’’. I nodded and he lead on, I didn’t pull away because it was Jughead. No matter how we had changed, I realized I would always trust him even when he scared me. As we walked I trusted that I wouldn’t trip on anything and relied on Jugheads strong hand as it tugged on mine. His hands were so big now that it encompassing mine, when we were young they used to be the same size. 

A half-forgotten memory I hadn’t thought about in years, of Jughead doing this exact same thing, when we went exploring in an old abandoned warehouse by the hospital. I had been reading far too many Nancy drew novels and had convinced myself that every abandon building was being used for some nefarious deed and seeing as Riverdale had so few abandoned places I became fixated on ‘’old blue’.

Which might have been used or owned by the hospital at some point because I was just to the side of it. Old Blue had a pealing blue strip around its center and it had captured my imagination. I had convinced Jughead to come with me to catch the bad guys, but my courage failed me a little when we arrived even though it wasn’t even dark yet. I didn’t even need to say anything Jughead knew and took my hand just like now. We had explored every inch of that building, which held nothing more interesting then some old signs and a couple rusty tools. I imagine it had many young visitors over the years. 

Coming back to the present I could spy a soft light ahead that soon revealed a cute little house with a wrap around porch. ‘’Woof woof, bark bark ‘’, my heart jumped. ‘’ Snake’’ Jughead said with authority to the sleek body running towards us. Which immediately, with Jugheads words, turned from an aggressive rampage, to one of joy seeing his master. ‘’Down boy’’ Jugheads tone stern as snake made a half jump up at me. Snake then sat waiting no doubt to be pet. ‘’ Sorry, he’s still a puppy’’ Jughead said. “Snake?” I asked questioning. He chuckled. “A little on the nose isn’t it. Jelly Bean named him”. I released Jugheads hand and rubbed the dog’s ears vigorously, his tail thumped excitedly. ‘’Good boy, good guard dog you” my whispers got his tail wagging harder as if he understood perfectly. I looked up at what must be Jugheads house, it had the appearance of being in the middle of the woods, even though it wasn’t that far from the worm. ‘’ This is your house?’’ I asked to confirm. ‘’Yes’,’ Jughead said putting his hands in his pockets.‘’ We bought the sunny side trailer park and the undeveloped land behind it awhile back. Got the best of this business man that thought he could get the best of us’,’ he paused looking behind us a bit. ’I bought this piece a few years ago and built the house’’ I was still petting Snake but stood up straighter to look at the house again with new eyes. ‘’You build this yourself?’’ I was impressed. ‘’ the Club helped, especially my dad’’ he said looking the house over too. Snake not liking my pause in petting began to whine ‘’ Go lay down Snake’’ Jughead said in the new tone of his and snake listened. ‘’Your dad’s still around, you hadn’t said’’. Realizing with surprise that he hadn't come up at our dinner conversationg. Jughead grinned ‘’ Your mother didn’t ask for you”. I smiled “Well I’m asking now. how is he?’’, The picture in my memory of him was tall, attractive, scruffy and sometimes scary. ‘’ He’s fine. Sober almost ten years, after my mother left.’’ Jughead paused. ‘’ It didn’t make a difference she didn’t think it would stick and I don’t blame her’’ he said trailing off. ‘’ He did some time after you left, that was the end of it for them.’’ I nodded sad. Sad that it had happened, sad that I hadn’t been here for him. ‘’ Jughead I’m sorry, I got so caught up in my own life I forgot that everyone is dealing with shit. I would have liked to have helped if only to listen’’. Jughead laughed surprised me, ‘’ Betty Cooper did you just swear’’. I knew what he was doing deflecting from the pain but I let him it had been a long night and I didn’t want to face demons any more than he did. ‘’ There is so much you would be surprised about, when it comes to me Jug’’. 

My smile turned grim as I walked up the stairs, reaching for the door ‘’ and its not Copper anymore’’. I let myself in, leaving Jughead outside to ponder that. I found the bathroom easily and gave silent thanks for the beautiful large shower that was present in it. 

I looked at myself in the mirror. My hair was down, flat and had blood in it. I made my self strip putting my clothes in the small garbage filling it up, after taking out my Chapstick and cell. I sent my mother a text that I would be very late and not to wait up and put it on the counter.

In a hamper there were some clothes, on top a black long sleeve shirt, I took it out and smelt it. The smell was arresting, how could even his body odor be attractive? It was obviously not clean but clean enough. I showered using what Jughead had available, from what I could see there was nothing to suggest that a girl used this bathroom regularity. I looked hoping to use her products. I knew he wasn’t a virgin or anything, but there was no girls presence here. Maybe he keeps this place just for himself, it had the feel of sanctuary to it. I showered using more male body wash then may have been necessary, then put on his shirt that was long enough to covered my ass and toweled my hair.

Opening the door, I saw a pile of clothes on the floor. I took the plaid p.j pants, putting them on to finish my outfit. ‘’Jughead’’ I said looking around it was a small house and silent. the living room kitchen was open concept with a fireplace and lots of windows. That took up half of the house. The other half consisted of some closets, the bathroom which I knew well and at the back a bedroom.

‘’Jughead’’ I said opening the door more and looking around I didn’t find him. Instead I found a big dark wood bed with a soft looking mattress, a dresser, closet and books everywhere. On the bedside table, and when I went over to look, all over the floor. I smiled, picturing him in bed reading. I looked through some of the titles, I use to love to read but then life happened.

I sat on the bed looking through one with a beautiful cover about the artic. I realized that I was distracting myself I could feel it a wave of emotion threating to consume me. I looked down at my hands they were shaking, Clad had almost died. I might have done the wrong thing or made the wrong call. 

What was I doing not insisting they went to a hospital or taking off that dam tourniquet. What if he had died on me? It was just another thing in my life that was so out of control. I bite the side of my tongue as hard as I could. I had found other ways of pain that were less noticeable a long time ago. I noticed movement at the door I looked over to see Jughead clean, his hair wet. 

He spoke ‘’ I went back to the club for a quick shower’’. I didn’t reply I could barely hear him my ears rang like I was too close to the waves. Jughead came and kneeled in front of me taking my shaking hands into his ‘’ Its going to be ok Betty’’. I shock my head violently I no longer believed such fairy tales or soft lies; no, the truth is it was never ok. 

The world just found new pieces to take, batter, kill. Jughead got up and scooped me up in his arms as if I weighed nothing. Instead of throwing me out as my fear addled brain worried for a moment, he laid me onto the bed then joined me holding me in his arms. A blanket followed warming my chill body as he stroked my hair as if I was a child. 

His voice a whisper soft over me ‘’ I’ll make it ok Betty. What ever I have to do I’ll make it right again’’ I was shocked at how desperately I wanted to believe him. We lay there for a long time and then my brain shut off no longer able to stay awake or cope and my body followed. In the dark I didn’t feel alone anymore. Someone I trusted was holding my hand.


	4. (i carry it in my heart)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING:  
> I have done a far amount of research into outlaw motorcycle club culture, and this chapter dives deeper into it.  
> There is some ,in story, explanations of this sub culture and talks about issues such as rape, women being sexual objects, and property.  
> I am not glorifying it, just stating the history.

It was warm and far too light. After cracking open my eyes just a bit I realised that I was laying on a chest, a shirted chest, but nevertheless a chest. It was male, hard, and smelt amazing. The owner, of muscular upper body, had an arm as well which was keeping me snugly to his side. I was struck at how shocking comfortable it all was. Comfortable in a way I don’t remember ever being with any man in bed.

I lifted my head to look at the face that would offered identity and, with wavy black hair and a gorgeous serene face, I remembered. The what, where, why of yesterday, flooded back making me close my eyes from more then just the pain of the light. The sacred keys to any story, my mother called them. With only a few of these answered, and a strong heart, you could find the rest, the whole truth. In this case I had been seeking the who, and the answer to that was Jughead.

I put my head back down softly, finding it again surprisingly comfortable. My brow raised in self question, this was strange I always considered myself a solitary sleeper, even when in relationships. I tended to cuddle at first (maybe) and then go to my side, not able to sleep if someone was too close, or touching me. 

The coziness of Jugheads body next to mine was making me uneasy, but not because our bodies didn’t perfectly fit. As if sensing my escape plans Jughead shifted his length, towards me, pulling me even closer. His lips softly kissed the top of my head. I was touched as well as scared by the sweetness that it offered. It was good to know that at least his sub conscious had a tender side. It was my experience that at times like being mostly asleep, or when in a fight, one’s true self came out to play.

‘’Jughead’’ I whispered. His answer was the groan of a half-asleep zombie. I bite my lip unsure of what to do, it wasn’t overly awkward yet. When we were younger we would cuddle with each other in innocence, but we were adults now. Jughead was use to a whole other calibre of touch. I had no idea who he thought was in his bed, or who he thought he was holding, but I doubted it was the too tall blonde girl that he use to be friends with. On the other hand, it had been a ruff night. I didn’t want to rob him of sleep. I weighed the information and decided that unfortunately for him, my comfort won out. 

‘’Jughead’’ I said louder. He had always been hard to get up. I remember his mother always complaining that he was a dead man walking, for an hour after he was up. Which was partly due to us being up hours after our parents though we went to bed. I remember a time his mother had send me in to wake him, some fine weekend morning, and it had taken yelling, jumping on the bed (beside him), and threats of water to get him to even open him eyes. 

I lifted my head to gage my effectiveness. His face was still serene, In a way I doubted He was often during waking hours. ‘’Jughead, wake up’’ I was louder, no longer caring to do this the slow way. Jugheads response was to cup my cheek, stroking it with his beautiful thumb. I froze, like an idiot, and didn’t say a thing , which was a fate sealed when he continued. ‘’Betty’’ his sleepy confession, held me transfixed. Then he kissed me, firm but soft and slow, without opening his eyes. It was a kiss of familiarity and comfort, not passion. Not what you would expect a first kiss to be like, he pulled away and lay his head back down. 

But It hadn’t been our first kiss had it, our first kiss had been my first kiss ever. I pushed away his encircling arm, fighting to get out of his hold. I moved with force and this finally got his attention. I made it to the edge of the bed, standing up I turned back quickly to look back at the man in the bed. Jughead ran his hand through his hair, followed with rubbing his eyes. The actions looked more fit for a little boy, but of course on him, he looked like a bill board modeling underwear or black tees. ‘’Betty?’’ he said confused looking at me ‘’Are you ok?’’.

I put my smile on, that old friend, and added a cheerful voice ‘’ Of course. I just need to get back, I didn’t tell my mom I was not coming home. She’s probably worried’’. Jughead looked at me waking up even more. He yawned, stretching out his arms. Oh my, his simple action was almost too much to look at, I turned away until he was done. Hearing him get out of the bed told me it was safe again, or it should have been. How exactly was he better looking then yesterday? I think that yesterday I had, for the most part, actively tried not to notice. He was still in his T-shirt and jeans but he looked deliciously rumpled.

‘’Why don’t you text her that your fine than we can have some breakfast, check in on Clad, then ill drive you back’’. I frown feeling guilty, I had forgotten about Clad. Jughead paused, waiting for my answer and because it was perfectly reasonable, I had no cause that made sense to say no I agreed.

Jughead nodded as if it was my idea. ‘’You don’t want me driving you anywhere without coffee’’ he said moving to the closet chuckling. ‘’I’ll get you some clean clothes’’ he said as he disappeared. When he came back out, he handed me a dark grey shirt and black sweats, that looked too big. ‘’ Sorry, I don’t have anything that will fit better’’ he said. I took them without comment and moving out towards the bathroom. I was just thankful to have clothes that were clean. I wondered what my mother would think when I showed up with these on. I shook my head, I was an adult she could think what she wanted. 

What I hadn’t bothered to wonder was what everyone else would think. Which I would have, had I known that they all would be seeing me. We left the wooded trail and appeared into the back yard of the bar. Which last night had been mostly empty (save the van that was now gone) and was now packed with men, and women, in their signature jackets. Even though they were not all black leather they all had underlining similarity that I could spot a mile away.

There were also a lot of women and a few men in normal clothes and lots of children running around. The 3 BBQs were going and there was two table full of food, it smelt delicious. The group closest to us got a whole lot quieter while we emerged, which made me realize that I had heard them for awhile, I just hadn’t though I would be coming upon them. Everyone that had noticed us acknowledged us with a nod, word, or a smile.

Jughead noticed my surprise, ‘’ Sorry, I should have warned you about the Meet, it’s for Clad’’ he said smiling at me warmly. “We celebrate death, but life even more”. I looked back out at the group, I really liked that. Whatever happened they did it together, I had gotten far too use to living alone. ‘’ Its ok’’ I said moving towards the food, feeling unsettled by how much I wanted to be apart of something like this.

Everyone was in a better mood then last night, no longer was there a heavy air of unknowing. Today guys clasping forearms with Jughead and smiled kindly at me. The women greeted me warmly, some even hugged me in thanks. I was surprised by the welcome and touched by it, even though I told each one I didn’t do much. 

When there was a break, in the flow of people coming up to us, Jughead turned to me, ‘’ Do you want to eat first or visit Clad?’’. I thought about it for a second, ‘’Definitely Clad’.’ I smiled, now that I remembered him, I couldn’t eat until I saw him. ‘’Ok, I’m just going to get a coffee first...’’ Jughead started but I interrupted. ‘’It’s ok, I know the way’’ Jughead looked at me and nodded. 

I turned and weaved through the crowd. I felt Jugheads eyes linger on me, everyone smiled, and was friendly, and got out of my way. At the back there were two doors about were I remember coming out, thankfully a pretty red-haired girl opened the door to one revealing a kitchen so I opened the other. In the hallway I past a guy with a Serpent Jacket coming out. ‘’Hi” I offered but he ignored me, silently passing. OK almost everyone is being nice.

I entered the medical room. Vaughan was in a chair looking exhausted, I doubt he had sleep the whole night. I looked Clad over, he color was better. ‘’How is he?’’ I asked Vaughan, but to my surprise Clad eyes opened in response. I moved closer to him ‘’ How are you feeling?” I repeated so happy to see understanding in his clear eyes.

Clad glanced over at Vaughn suspiciously, as if I had asked him secrets in front of a cop. I turned to Vaughan, ‘’ Why don’t you go get some sleep’’ I suggested to the doctor, ‘’ I’ll take over for now’’. Vaughan looked afraid when he answered, ‘’ I can’t leave.’’ I knew who he was afraid of. ‘’ Go into the bar’’ I remembered some couches out there, ‘’ find someplace to sleep, if your needed I’ll come get you. It’s ok’’ I said it trying to assure him.

He was so exhausted he obeyed. The man that Vaughan feared, was not the one that had kissed me sweetly this morning. He was not the friendly leader that people were experiencing outside. The Jughead that Vaughan feared, did not use words lightly and whatever Jughead had said last night, as Vaughan’s face got paler and paler, needed to be taken with 100% conviction that it would come to past.

I looked back at Clad and smiled, even though he didn’t smile back he looked up at me with the devotion I had seen him give Jughead at Pops the night before. ‘’How do you feel?’’ I asked wondering if he ever talked. He did, it turned out, but it sounded weak and dry ‘’ I’m fine doc, thanks to you’’. I laughed ‘’ I’m not a doctor…I was just a paramedic for a while’’ I shared, the smile leaving my lips.

I got up to find something I could use for a cup, then went to the sink to get some water. Clad smiled a little, in thanks, as I handed it to him. The smile made him looked ten years younger. ‘’Maybe I should call you Reaper instead’’, he offered. I grinned playing along, ‘’ But that’s not appropriate either, you are alive’’, I laughed.

Clad frowned serious, ‘’ A Reaper gets to chose’’. I nodded my head thinking about it. That was correct, Death walked among many and chose who to take and who to leave. I felt honored with his offering, as if he was giving me a badge or medal, not just of a nick name. ‘’I didn’t do anything really’’ the statement cause him to frown at me unbelieving. A voice interrupted what ever Clad was about to say, ‘’ You saved his life, Vaughan told me as much, even though it was obvious to anyone who was here’’ 

Jughead came all the way in, through the open door with his coffee. He quickly assessed the room, “Where is he?’’ each word was full of venom. I quickly answered ‘’I sent him away to get some sleep. He’s exhausted and no use to us that way’’. I looked at Jughead, even though I had said “us”, I felt I needed some kind of approval like one of his men. When Jughead gave it to me, in the form of an accepting nod, I stiffened a little resenting (and angry with myself) that I felt I needed it.

 

Jughead was looking at Clad and come up to the other side of the bed, ‘’ We almost lost you old man, and to a leg wound of all things’’ he chuckled good naturally. ‘’I never thought I’d see the day when less then 5 bullets, would take you off your feet’’ Jughead patted Clads arm good naturedly. Clad looked over at me, ‘’With Reaper here, I wouldn’t fear a dozen bullets’’. His voice was sincere, but I shuttered to think of that many wounds in him. There was no way he would still be here had that been the case, not with just me. 

The guys talked for a bit. This group of people, families that were also part of the Serpents Motorcycle Club, was one big family. I listened finding the simple conversation extremely interesting. They had a different way of talking then I’ve observed in most men, it wasn’t about coveted electronics, vehicles, or sports teams. It was about their collective group and I was thankful Clad was here to still do it. They had their own rhythm and even though there were some phrases I couldn’t grasp, I understood most of it. It came across as an informal meeting of sorts. Jughead asked Clad about a couple guys and Clad gave a small bio on them as if he had a file system in his head. Jughead also assured Clad that Plate would be taken care of, and it took me a moment to realise that Plate must be the guy that shot him. Clad only nodded.

Jughead finished his coffee and got up, throwing out the cup. ‘’I hope you don’t mind but I’m going to take …Reaper’’ he said taking on the name ‘’ to eat. It’s been a long night, and she wanted to see you first.’’ Clad looked aghast as if I was the one that took the bullet, he shook his head in agreement. ‘’ I’ll send in your next company’’ Jughead offered. He looked over at me, waiting for me to follow. ‘’ Heal friend’’ I said patting Clads arm. His gaze was close to something you would give an angel, awe and reverence, but instead he had named me after death. 

Jughead lead me out, his hand again finding mine, until we reached the door where I pulled away. As much as I appreciated the gesture of comfort, I didn’t want to give anyone (outside) the wrong impression. As we went out the door, I noticed that there was an informal line to see Clad, which I had bypassed. I smiled at the guy next in line as an apology but he didn’t seem bothered.

Next, we went for food, where we were put in the front. I’m not sure if that was due to Jughead, me, or both. I didn’t comment or complain as I filled a plate and followed Jughead to one of the tables under the outdoor roof. We sat with Sweet Pea and Joaquin who looked surprisingly worse than Clad.

I put down my plate, but before Jughead had even sat down Joaquin looked up and spoke, “VP, there is a Free rider visiting. His names Gains Parks he’s interested in a fit” he motioned behind us “I gave him hang around access, for the day. I’ve got a prospect “showing him around”.” Joaquin even used his fingers to empathize his point. Jughead turned to look at the crowd, most likely easily spotting the one guy that didn’t belong.

I left the table in search of some tea. The beverage table was close, against the wall, left of the kitchen doors. I took a pouch of Earl Grey from the collection, then added honey and cream. I also decided to pour some coffee for Jughead even though I didn’t know how he took it. As a 10-year-old he hadn’t drank a lot of coffee. 

‘’ The serpent hero’’, a cheerful laugh came beside me, it took me a second to realise she might be talking to me. I turned to take in a beautiful Native American girl with long hair. Her jacket was like Jugheads, even though I couldn’t see the back. 

She saved me from my tiredness and confusion by sticking out her hand and introduced herself, ‘’Toni’’. I smiled giving her my free hand, but instead of shaking it she stroked it lightly. “You have lovely skin’’ Her tone very much suggesting that she would like to see more.

‘’Thanks’’, I said laughing but taking my hand back. I picked up my tea again and inspected her jacket. On the right it read “Topaz”, “Serpents”, then at the bottom in thick black italic script “Legacy”: On the right, “Road Captain”, “Riverdale M.”. I took a sip of my hot tea and wondered what exactly a Road Captain was.

Up on her shoulders, under her loose hair, there were two more. The left said “DILLIGAF”, and the right “SFFS”. She was grinning smugly, liking my study of her. “Dare I asked what DILLIGAF means?” She laughed at my attempt to sound out the strange word. “Its an anagram hottie, Does It Look Like I Give A Fuck”?. I chuckled I liked her. She continued perhaps seeing my approving smile, “Too bad you weren’t in my bed last night. You know I’m the one that does all the VP’s heavy lifting’’ her smile more of a warm appreciation than leering. I’m not sure what she was appreciating, I hadn’t even combed my hair and I was in Jugheads baggy clothes.

I knew that she was joking about Jughead, but I had no doubt that she held more than her own here, “Where were you yesterday? Maybe you could have saved the boys”. My smile vanished when, instead of the cocky reaction I expected, I received a still and guarded look from her. I realised that I had over stepped somewhere I shouldn’t of. “Sorry” I offered in order to make amends, but Toni was already smiling, just this time not as free. ‘’No problem, I promise you can know were I am tonight’’, she suggested. I shook my head ‘’Again, l apologize because I’ll be in my own bed…alone’’, which is good I thought because with a sister so close it’s not like I could get up to anything. ‘’ Well if you change your mind, I have a room here” she nodded towards the bar “Feel free to join anytime’’

<  
I was enjoying the flirty banter even though it was with a woman. I took another sip of my tea. “Even though I’m sure you are better at…” I was going to say cuddling but I’m sure there was many ways she would be better than the average guy. I laughingly continued “well everything, it’s only ever going to be men for me ‘’ and not even men anymore.

My eyes landed again on her other shoulder, “What about that SFFS” I asked to change the subject. Jughead’s voice behind me answered “Serpents Forever Forever Serpents” I turned slowly handing him the coffee. “I didn’t know what you like with it’’, I added, “and you really need to stop ghosting me like this”.

‘’Perfect’’ he said taking it, while still keeping his eyes on me, ignoring my comment. Toni chuckled beside us, ‘’ You already have her fetching coffee. She’ll be with me sooner than I thought’’. I shook my head, Jughead answered ‘’You are very mistaken Third’’ he voice was low and sure. I suspect that even if Toni had been in the running he still wouldn’t have seen her as a threat. He looked at me and I got the feeling that he had no plans to letme go. I rolled my eyes, trying not to dwell overly on what Jugheads look may or may not mean. If both of them wanted to waste time fighting that was fine. I however was hungry and had better things to do. 

I walked back and greeted the boys as I sat down. I took up the fork and started with the eggs, they were delicious maybe the best I’ve ever had. ‘’Good, right?’’ Jughead asked sitting down. ‘’ we have chickens out back” He motioned towards the fence, at the back of the property. ‘’ The Serpents keep chickens?’’ I said incredulously. The image of black jackets feeding and collecting eggs, made me giggled. Jughead looked confused his smile widening.

‘’ Yes? ‘’ His tone was amused, but he clearly didn’t understand why I thought it was funny. His green eyes looked me over in slow approval, he always liked to make me laugh. ‘’ We have quite a few now. Use a ton of eggs at the club and give any to Southside’s residents who want them.” He stabbed the egg on his own plate. “Its good protein and the kids love chasing and feeding them’’, he took a bite still looking at me with amusement. I stopped laughing, they were doing a wonderful community service and I had mocked him for it. 

I guess snakes eating eggs was fairly appropriate now that I thought about it. I knew without asking that it had been his idea, before I could apologize Sweet Pea chirped in ‘’ it also gives us a whole array of punishments for the prospects’’ he said snarkly. I looked at him confused, but it was Jughead who saved me ‘’prospects are in the process of becoming full patch members of the Club" he said to explain. 

“Jughead, the chickens… it’s beautiful, really” I said in apology. Joaquin spoke first, “Jughead’s plan next is honey bees, but I don’t think that will go over as well as the chickens’’ Joaquin chucked, ‘’ nothing like fresh eggs. What you eat in the supermarket is months old’’ 

We sat eating in silence for awhile marveling at how normal and domestic this conversation had been, given the company when Jughead switched it up again. Jughead turned to Joaquin ‘’ Tell me what happened last night?’’. Joaquin was noticeably surprised, his gaze looked at me, then back at Jughead. Jughead stare didn’t waver and wouldn’t until he got his answer.

Joaquin started “Well… we went like you said, but he was drunk started saying a bunch of crap about the Serpents mostly and some glory day crap’’ Joaquin voice got low and angry. ‘’Was he alone?’’ Jughead asked his voice deadly calm, yet a second away from volatile. ‘’ Yes, he was alone, his shot hit Clad, but I don’t know if he meant it. Doesn’t really matter does it?” Joaquin said displeased. “Sweet Pea took him down no problem, and we brought Clad back here after calling for the med van”. 

I interjected, even though I knew I shouldn’t, but I was curious, ‘’what’s clean mean?’’ Joaquin regarded me confused. ‘’Your text said ‘’we’re clean’’”, my confession got Jughead a shocked look from both of them. The silence, and I guess Jugheads silent permission, lead to Joaquin answering. ‘’ It means we got away clean, as in no one chasing us, and…’’ he paused ‘’ no one looking for us.” I took that to mean, no police looking.

‘’Where is he?’’ Jughead asked. ‘’Dungeon’’ Sweet Pea offered before taking a bite from a breakfast sausage. Jughead took a long drink of what was left of his coffee, then looked out on the people still getting food, his “Club” I thought. People that were full patch members, people who wanted to be, women, children, and at least one free ride dude. This was the Serpent family. Jughead authoritative gaze fell back on me, he was stern, strong and sexy, ‘’ I’m going to take Reaper back home, then we will go for a visit’’. His words were not for me but his gaze was, it was not the kind you would dare say no to. In my peripheral, I saw them nod. They didn’t even pause at the name. 

Sweet Pea looked me over, his lips perched in something other then kindness. Then he slowly added turning to Jughead, “Sure take a midnight mile with your grocery getter, we’ll wait “. His tone was what you would call, less then respectful. “Sweet Pea mind your words or you will lose something important” Jugheads threat was low and real but Sweet Pea just smiled. The mood around the table became deadly, and I had no idea why.

Sweet Pea tone however was still playful "Sure thing VP, you declaring something?” I looked both of them over. Sweet Pea seemed to just be saying shit to irritate Jughead, where Jughead was taking it dead serious, as if it was a challenge. Jughead eyes pierced Sweet Pea, “Reaper saved a member of our club, she is my friend, not to mention a god dam human being. Any of these are more than enough reason for you to show respect.” Jughead stood up, his voice low so it avoided most outside attention, but a few were glancing over at us with curiosity and concern. “I will not allow that archaic shit in my club, are we clear” Jughead towering presence demanded an answer, it wasn’t a rhetorical question. Sweet Pea backed down “Yes V.P” this time it was sincere. There was a long awkward silence as Jughead continued to stare down at Sweet Pea, who seemed to be shrinking under the glare. 

I had no idea what had been said or what it had to do with me but I figured I might be able to diffuse the situation” Do you have to call me Reaper?’’, I looked at Jughead. I didn’t mind it from the others, but it sounds weird from him. Jughead turning his death gaze from Sweet Pea, but when he looked at me he had a small grin. ‘’ You earned your name, take your complaints to Clad’’ 

I stood up and Jughead took my dirty plate and cup before I grabbed them, we walked them over to a cart where the dirty dishes go. ‘’Ready ‘’ he asked turning around at complete ease as if that whole episode didn’t happen. “What was that about?” I asked as I followed him past the kitchen. 

Jughead frowned “That was Sweet Pea, not so subtle way, of asking if we were …dating.” I stopped in my tracks, I could not be more confused. “Am I the …grocery getter” Jughead grinned and shook his head “No that’s my car”. I thought back to the gibberish Sweet Pea had said, “So, I was the midnight thing…” I deduced. Jughead frowned, moving me around a couple of running children, “In a way” he answered but it really didn’t answer anything

Jughead took me to the other end of the yard, stairs lead up to double doors. The deck continued around the corner to an enclosed porch, the glass doors was open. A bunch of kids were in there jumping around on the sofas and watching something on the large flat screen. The pair of talking mothers was watching the madness and smiled at us as we went to the doors and into the bar. I looked around, it came in at the back were most of the pool tables were.

“I’m still confused, can you explain?” I said. Stopping our advancement to the front. Jughead turned frowning at first but then he answered. “Sweet Pea suggested that we were leaving to have sex” Jughead shifted his weight with a frown. “Which is when I should have hit him, but instead due to my good Vice president training, I took the talking path instead.” he continued with a half smile, “His intent was to corner me into saying we were not officially together, because after getting me to admit that you are not mine publicly, he could then move on you without retribution from me”. Jughead stopped, the smile had not lasted the length of the speech “clear?”. 

 

“Oddly yes” I said. “What does respect have to do with it?”. Jughead face become stone when he continued, his voice was low with angry. “It wasn’t club rule here, like it has been in others, but the understanding is if a woman was in the Club, and not officially claimed by another Patch Member, then she was sheep, or entertainment.” His whole body was taunt with unspoken rage, “Either way, she was available to any and all Patch Members.”

 

“To be claimed as a girlfriend?” I asked but that didn’t line up with Jugheads anger. Our eyes meet as he tried to convey it, without the words, “For anything”. I drew in a sharp breath, unless a man claimed her, she would be used by the sick imagination of a group that saw her as an object only. “That’s hideous” I said truly taken aback. Jughead smiled sadly “now you see why I should have hit him. 

I began to get angry, “Are you saying that Sweet Pea would...” Jughead interrupted “No for suggesting that, I would have more than hit him. The Serpents didn’t adopt the full culture, but we do have a sort of claiming. The ideas die hard, But I made it clear to Sweet Pea that you didn’t need to be claimed by any member to deserve Club respect.” I bit my lip, I wasn’t use to a man seeing me this way, of worth. Jughead chuckled “Its Club rule to honor the old ladies of other members, and usually that means keeping their distance” I remembered how it had been this morning, only the women that approached me, all the guys had smiled kindly but kept away. “Do they think I’m your old lady?” I asked

Jughead looked at me for a long moment, I couldn’t read at all what was going on in his head “You have made a place here on your own, Reaper.” He turned around and started walking, “A patch brother has to officially announce before The Pit, and God save a member who does it without the women’s permission” His chuckled moving to a large grouping of new black leather couches, that made me think I knew where the ones outside came from. 

The doctor was sleeping on one of the sofas, it must have been an hour since I sent him to go sleep. Jughead went over and without hesitating shook him awake, ‘’Go see your patient ‘’ his tone stern. The doctor immediately got up, seeing Jug, and walked hurriedly away. He watched the doctor leave his hands clenched ‘’ If you hadn’t come last night Clad would have died’’ he said it matter of fact ‘’ You saved two lives last night’’ ,he turned to me and I understood looking towards where the doctor had gone.

There was no accusation or judgment in my voice when I asked ‘’You would have killed him? ‘’. “The doctor would have failed us, he made assurances. Blood would have been called for blood’’. ‘’The club would have called for it?’’. Jughead turned to me ‘’Don’t think so highly of me Betty’’ he paused letting it sink in ‘’If we had lost our Sargent, due to the doctor’s willful negligence, my voice would have been the loudest’’. He wasn’t hiding, instead he was laying himself bare to me. As he had with his jacket in my apartment, asking (without asking) if I could accept him like this. I wondered if he was expecting me to reject him. He shook his head, his voice was angry but I suspected at himself, “if you had given me a chose, I would never have brought you here, and Clad would have died.”

Jughead moved closer, so close that he could easily reach out and kiss me again and I couldn’t stop him, “I don’t think you know how brave you are. You have seen enough to run screaming”. I suspected that there was more that he didn’t say. Perhaps something like: You wouldn’t want to know me (or love me) if you really saw me, I’m too unclean, too dangerous, scary, … too much. I knew these words and many like them because they were in my head like a constant loop that never shut up.

He has pain which he hides like I do, but I didn’t know how to help him. ‘’Jughead you are my friend and I will love you always, no matter what you do.” I stopped wanting to say this right ‘’ I know I haven’t seen it all, and sometimes I don’t recognize you, but you are still the boy I would lay beside in the grass at night looking at the stars’’. I stepped closer ‘’ The boy who was sweet and kind and always saw my pain even when I hide it. The boy who always tried to make it right’’.

I thought about last night as he stoked my hair and promised that very thing. ‘’Sometimes that boy, seems to be missing and that scares me a little’’ I put my hand on his arm, to take away the sting of my words. “but I will always be on your side, because I know you at your core and that part of you never changes”

We stood like that for a long time, Jugheads face showed a variety of emotion which was unlike him, just when I thought he was going to say something he looked over my right shoulder and spoke ‘’Dad”. I took my hand off of Jughead and turned, FP was half way down the 2nd floor stairs, that stood between us and the long bar. Obviously, he had seen us I wondered if he had heard anything.

‘’Son’’ he said coming the rest of the way down to join us. He looked very much the same, just some more grey in his hair. He smiled warmly at me, his signature half grin, that his son had inherited. When he got close enough he took me into a bear hug. ‘’Betty welcome back’’. ‘’FP ‘’ I said even though it seemed weird to use his first name. He held his hand out to Jughead who clasped his forearm in greeting. FP took us both in, smiling a little knowingly. He was wearing his jacket and like everyone else he had squares, on the left side they said President, Original, Riverdale M ‘’. I smiled amused and pleased that FP was the President.

F.P attention was on Jughead “I got in late last night and sat up with Clad half the night”. Turning again to me, “Everyone’s singing your praises Betty. How can we ever thank you?’’ He was serious, as if he was the mystical king that would offer up to half his kingdom. I laughed stammering a little “no... nothing, I was glad to help”. FP shook his head ‘’ You just think on it, but at the very least you will forever be known as a Friend of The Snake’’ 

‘’ Thank you’’ I said knowing it held importance but not knowing how yet. FP gave me another surprise, ’How’s is Alice?’’ FP asked ‘’She and Polly moved back with you, didn’t they?’’. I opened and closed my mouth, of course they would have known each other 12 years ago, but I didn’t think they had run in the same circles.

‘’She’s...’’ I was going to say fine but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I was so tired of lying, ‘’She’s had a hard time, my dad had an affair with some photographer closer to my age then his’’ I laughed bitterly ‘’ It ‘s so absolutely clique that you would think that would make it hurt less” I frowned knowingly “It doesn’t. When he left for good I think my mother was half hoping he’d come back, half dreading it.”

I thought about the abuse she had sustained, but that wasn’t mine to tell. It had come out like at Pops, what was it with these Jones men? FP eyes were filled with rage ‘’He was a fool that never deserved her”. He continued calmer “I’d like to stop by sometime to say hello’’. I nodded slowly not sure what I was agreeing to, "I’m sure that would be fine. Maybe just don’t mention… ‘’. “Of course’’, he interrupted looking back to Jughead.‘’ I am taking up to much ofyour guys time, I’ll let you kids go’’ and without another word walked towards the double doors. 

I watched him his big Serpent patch on the back was old. He had another large one that went under his arm that said SFFS and two at opposite ends, at the bottom of his jacket, that said GBNF. I turned to Jughead ‘’What does GBNF mean?’’ Jughead looked at me with a mixed sad look. ‘’Gone But Not Forgotten’’.

I was surprised by Jugheads reaction and wondered if they were for his mother and sister, but I shook my head because it seemed more for a remembrance for someone that died. I took a look at Jugheads jacket again, there was a small one at the bottom on the hem, that I hadn’t noticed before. It was a black heart on his black jacket barely visible. “Where is your “I don’t get a fuck “badge ‘’, trying to get a smile on his lips. Lips that just this morning kissed me even though he didn’t seem to remember. There was a breaking at the corner of his mouth, “I’ll not allowed that patch, I care too much” He tone sarcastic.

A wave of tired came over me, Jughead frown at my change. I tried to give him the patented half smile, “Can you take me home please?’’ Jughead looked me over then leaned down and kissed the top of my head, it was a comfort I didn’t know I needed. letting me go, he turned ‘’ lets go’’. The drive was short, I was reminded how small of a town I now lived in. He pulled into one of our spaces in the ally, even though I must have gotten some sleep last night I was exhausted. 

‘’Thanks for the ride, breakfast and everything’’ Jughead just laughed bitterly reaching over and taking my hand closest to him kissing my palm. The move was tender and surprised me. When he let my hand go, a moment later , I longer for him to do it again. ‘’It’s you that deserves thanks, Reaper’’ he smirked at using the nickname, his attitude now very different from the tenderness of the kiss. I opened the door, feeling vulnerable, I wanted to stay with him too much to allow it.

I got out and stood there, holding the door. It seemed like I should say something else but I didn’t know what so I just shut it. I noticed that even though it was daytime Jughead waited till I got inside before leaving. The stairs up felt like a million. My mother was in the kitchen looking through papers. She took off her reading glasses and gave me a up and down appraisal before questioning rising an eyebrow. My mother had the ability to say cutting word with no words at all. 

‘’ My clothes got blood on them’’ I said in explanation which of course explained nothing and caused her eyebrows to greater heights. ‘’ I helped with an injury, an accident’’ or so Joaquin may have thought I shook my head. ‘’ I didn’t get much sleep I’m going to take a nap’’ my mother told whole stories with her looks. I wasn’t in the mood, but I couldn’t seem to shut up either, ‘’Not that its any of your business, but it wasn’t any fun. Where’s Polly?’’. She gestured to the hall.” I moved that way longing for bed, but her voice stopped me.

‘’Whose clothes are those?’’ she said when looks were not enough or when someone turned their back on you. I turned to her unbelieving what her tone suggested, ‘’ Jughead leant them to me’’. Anger licked at me but then I stopped and really looked at her, this was the old mom, the women I hadn’t seen in a long time. I was so happy I went over and hugged her “Elisabeth” she said it scowling but she was smiling. Open displays of emotion were never encouraged in our family. 

I tried a different tactic business, “Are you planning on going into the paper today?” I asked looking down at the pages she had in front of her. “Yes, the business has not been managed very well since we have gone, but we do have some strong advertising pool that I think I can build on.” She picked up on of the pages as if to prove it “I’m planning on taking the Manager position on myself, starting today.” It was said as a statement not a question though I could see the doubt in her eyes. “You will be great Mom, it’s your paper” I said kissing her head like Jughead had done to me. Had he felt this protectiveness when he had done it? Mother nodded curtly back to being serious again. I had wanted her to take this on but had not hoped it would be so soon. With time she could write again and maybe take on being editor.

 

“See you after I get some sleep Mom” I moved towards my bed again. Polly was in my room, our room I groaned. ‘’ I need to sleep can you please go into the living room?’’ I tried to sound kind but I don’t think it came across like that. Polly gave me an unpleasant look, ‘’ Up all night were you!’’ her voice was a shriek that gave me a headache. ‘’ Please leave’’ I said holding my head. Polly stood up thankful it didn’t look like she was going to fight her evacuation, that didn’t stop her comments though, ‘’ Hours and already in his bed and you thought I was a slut’’. I set my teeth together angry, but then I let it go, I wanted privacy not to fight. When I didn’t take the bait, Polly left in a huff. I put my phone on my dresser and passed out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for your comments.


	5. I am never without it

A light tapping woke me. It was only on waking that I realised it was not part of the dream, but no doubt my mother. The light through the curtain-less window suggested it was past midday. I got out of bed and opened the door. I had correctly guessed who knocked .

‘’ Jugheads here’’ I just stared at my mother like she was an alien specking nonsense, the words seemed to make a sort of sense but I couldn’t place them in the reality of my world with my groggy brain. 

My mother gestured to her right, ‘’ Jughead is in the kitchen’’. 

Somehow this time the combination of words made sense, ‘’Oh, just give me a min.’’ Closing the door I looked down, I was still in his clothes. I quickly changed, carefully folding the T-shirt and sweats. Rubbing my face for any drool marks, I stepped outside in the hall. I could hear Jugheads deep warm tones with my mother and sisters lighter one. I turned the corner, there he was sitting at the table like he belonged, his jacket was hanging back on “his” peg, and he had a mug, of coffee I assumed, in front of him. Though I didn’t know we had any coffee to offer, maybe it was just water. Jughead looked up at me, there was approval in his grin, like I was a gowned princess, instead of the dishevelled mess that had yet to brush her teeth today. 

Had it been anyone else I might had been embarrassed to be caught sleeping past noon. I put his clothes on the table in front of him, ‘’ Thanks for the loan’’. Jughead put his hand down on the pile softly, as if his dirty clothes were fragile. He might still, even feel the lingering warm of my sleep. 

He looked up removing his hand, ‘’ Keep them for now. I’ve only got room on the bike for you’’, my eyebrow raised like mother like daughter. Jughead was unfazed, ‘’ I came to take you and see about that job. Sorry about yesterdays distraction’’. Distraction sure I thought. “Your mother was just telling me about your Paramedic training, and how you had graduated the top of the class ‘’. I looked over at my mother who didn’t look exactly smug, but close. Of course, she did, I thought. Jughead continued “If you don’t want the mechanic job, I can ask around about a medical …”

I stopped him with a curt voice, “I don’t do that anymore”.

Jughead smiled it had a satirical amused edge to it. 

 

I sighed adjusting my statement , “Unless someone is bleeding out in front of me, but not as a job, not anymore”. I spoke with conviction and he wisely didn’t question it. ‘’ Just let me get ready, and we can go”, Jughead nodded taking a sip of his mug. My mother and Polly watching the exchange as if there was hidden meaning no doubt. I went into my morning routine of brushing hair and teeth and washing my face. I was going to put on a little makeup but I didn’t want to give my mother more time to spill details of my past life. 

When I came out of the bathroom a chorus of laughter came from the kitchen which made me smile, hearing my mother laugh again was a gift. “What time is it? How long did you let me sleep?”, I asked turning the corner. I had been asking my mother but Jughead replied, he was walking over to the sink to put his mug away. I’m not sure why but that small action was right up there with one of his sexiest moves he had done yet. 

“I dropped you off five hours ago.”, He turned around leaning against the sink with a sexy smile. “Didn’t you get enough sleep last night?”, his tone dripped in suggestion themes. I frowned at him, there was no way that my family would think last night was innocent now.

Looking away I thought of all the un-innocent things we could have been doing, I hated that I was blushing. If I was honest I definitely wanted to do some of them with Jughead, but that lead to thoughts, feelings, hope, trust, and bullshit I just couldn’t handle right now. I looked back up at Jughead he had a sly smile like he could read my thoughts. I was never a person that could have sex with someone without my heart being involved. I had tried in the past after one of the bad breaks with my ex. At the time, I had been mad that I couldn’t have casual sex with people like he could, but now I was thankful even though it made this situation sexually frustrating. 

‘’Do you have a jacket?’’ him question yanked me out of my thoughts. I nodded confused I had a few. “Leather?” he added.

It took a mess and a few open boxes to find it. My parents had been visiting me, once when we were pretending everyone was fine and happy, and my father had stopped at a garage sale. I remember when I found it, I somehow thought it was meant for me. It was black and retro, my dad had been upset that I was wasting my money, but I didn’t live at home anymore and it was my money. So 20 dollars later I owned a real leather motorcycle jacket. I don’t think I had ever worn it outside my house, but I had never gotten rid of it even with the multiple moves and life upheavals. 

I put it on, the shoulders where a little wide but other than that it fit perfectly. The style wasn’t even dated all that gave away the age was the retro two tone brown of the inner fake fur liner. I zipped it up It was heavy. I would wear it at home sometimes, when no one was around. The jacket was a part of me that I had constructed and kept mostly hidden but would allow myself to dream about sometimes. I walked back out and Jugheads eyes widen seeing me. I quickly braided my loose hair to my right, ‘’ This work?” I asked. Now it was my turn to smile slyly while Jughead looked taken aback. 

He however recovered faster than I did, grabbing his own jacket off the peg. Turning back to my mother and Polly, “Thanks for everything”. 

“You are welcome”, my mother said politely, “Betty can I get the grocery money, I was going to go get them today”. I paused guilt stricken I had left my mother and sister in a house with little to no food and I had the funds. 

“Of course, “, I went back into my bedroom, opening my carefully budgeted folder from under my bed. I took out the grocery envelope and the gas one. I handed them to my mother there purposes and amounts on the envelope. Mother nodded her thanks, as she bid us goodbye.

I followed Jughead down the stairs to a beautiful bike that had that classic 50’s look but was undoubtedly new, the side revealed that it was a Triumph Bonneville T100. Of course, in was black and chrome, it was a thing of beauty. I mostly deal with cars, not having the opportunity to work on a lot of bikes but I recognized quality when I saw it. 

“Impressed?” Jugheads voice reached me mid-distraction. 

“Yes” I said unabashedly.

Knowing something of bike etiquette I turned to Jughead, “Can I touch it?”.

He grinned, “Of course”. 

Not feeling brave enough to get on myself, I came up besides it and lightly touched the panel and smooth seat. ‘’ I expected you to be riding an older bike, something a little beat up”, the Jughead I use to know didn’t care about owning expensive things. He came up behind me and but his right hand on the handlebar, if I just leaned back a little id be leaning on his chest. 

Jughead voice reached my ear in a low confession, “I did for a long time but she needs an overhaul, and I needed a ride.” His back got just a little closer, I could feel his warmth. “Its hard for me to let go of something once I’m made it mine.” 

I turned around in the tight space so I could look at him. My back touching his arm as I turned, he was a wall I would not be able to escape unless he willed it. I remembered the boy, on that accursed sunny day, that stood by my parent’s car as they packed the last few things that would fit. He had taken my hand and told me that he had my heart, that he carried it. A wording that had haunted me my whole life, not that he was giving it to me or he would take mine. He talked about it as if it was real, something he cherished and treasured and kept in a sacred secret place.

The solemn boy who never said a word without meaning it, had declared his love and kissed me. To me it was perfect, firm and sweet. It tasted of peanut butter, from him morning toast. I had been so surprised that I hadn’t said much of anything and then my parents were yelling at me and we were driving away. I watched him through the back window, and that is when I realized that this was real. That I was not going to see him tonight, that I wouldn’t be seeing him in the back yard ever again. He would be too far away.

I had gone wild, screaming and wailing on the back window of our car until my hands hurt, this somehow felt better. I yelled the things I hadn’t been able to say when he had kissed me. But he couldn’t hear, he just stood there in our driveway, too far away, watching me go mad as we drove away. My parents had been angry, then shocked and worried when I hadn’t quit, after their demands .

My dad stopped the car a few blocks away, and I managed to get out. I ran, when it become clear that I was trying to go back, my father had held me keeping me from full escape. He hadn’t understood and I sobbed trying to convince him, make him understand. His arms became a prison I hated. He hadn’t released me until I calmed down and promised to get back in the car.

The betrayal I felt from my father that day, is one of the most vivid of my childhood. I had never wanted anything , at that point , nor since , more than to go back to Jughead and our life. Now older, I did not let myself desire that deeply, deep desire only brings about disappointment. I had strained against my father’s arms, longing for Jughead to appear around the corner of that street, but I was a fool to think that he would follow. 

Looking at him now, for a moment I felt no time had past, but it was the delusion of a moment. I use to lay in bed crying and touch my fingers to my lips remembering his kiss. “What else have you made yours?”, I broke the silence between us with the question, before I thought about whether I should ask it. Asking questions was dangerous, this I knew. His eyes narrowed he didn’t play around, he wouldn’t pretend to not understand me. I was poking a bear that could destroy me.

“I told you, that you didn’t need to be claimed?” he said in simply in a low voice, but his eyes betrayed the emotion he felt. 

Not that I wasn’t, not that I wouldn’t be, but that I didn’t need to be. “The day I left…” I went back to the memory, Jughead frowned. “You…” I shook my head it was embarrassing to admit to myself ,and to him, how much his words back then had mattered, still mattered. 

“I saw you” Jughead said looking at me. I shook my head confused I didn’t understand. “I saw your dad holding you, as you tried to get back to me”.

I backed up only stopping when I was stopped by the bike, Jughead took a couple steps away giving me space. I was terrified by this news, “What did you hear?”.

Jughead gave me a look of appraisal, to see if I really wanted to hear this. When I didn’t take it back he continued. “I ran down the alley, to try and catch a last look at you” Jughead crossed his arms in front of him, he looked formidable. “You said that you loved me, that you wanted to say you were sorry…That we needed to be together, that we belonged...that I was the one you were supposed to marry” 

I interrupted him no longer able to hear anymore. “You never told me, we talked after that, how come you never said anything” I said it accusingly, haunted by my words. It's easier to think you suffer unseen, but he had known the whole time. 

Jughead half turned scratching his head in frustration. “I realised that when you cut off communication, that you had changed your mind” 

I shook my head, that wasn’t an answer, but I thought about the boy. He would have held onto the words like treasure, until the actions proved true. My actions hadn’t, my actions said that I had forgotten or no longer cared. “I wanted to keep you, us pure” I didn’t know this was true until it came out of my mouth. “life here pure”. I needed to believe that Riverdale, and the life I imagined here, went on as I remembered.

Jughead scoffed angry, he turned around taking a few steps away, his whole-body tense with emotion. “Life here wasn’t pure Betty, when my dad went to jail, and my mother left. I stayed, because I knew my mother didn’t really want me. I’d say I was right because she didn’t put up much of a fight. I was 14 and being raised by the club”, he stilled his back raising and falling, his hands clench ready to fight. I stepped closer and put a hand on his back. 

“I’m, sorry” 

He turned around his face blank, “I tried to find you, I even ran away to the city after your phone number no longer worked, the people in your apartment didn’t know anything. My father beat me bloody when I came back, my mother had screamed.” He gazed off remembering his tone void of emotion. I had no idea that he had done that. Jughead continued “I was a stupid 12-year-old, in love, nothing my parents could say made a difference. I even hounded the staff at The Register, but they had the same information I did. After awhile when you never phoned or wrote, when you never came back, I realised that I was the only one that felt that way” 

I shook my head, keeping my tears prisoner “You weren’t.” 

“I was” he said it evenly, walking back over to the bike “and I don’t let go easily”. 

Jughead grabbed the full helmet off the back, it was black and looked too small for him, he clearly didn’t want to talk about it anymore and I didn’t blame him. Jughead handed me the helmet, he didn’t have one for himself. “Why do you not have to wear one and I do,” I teased trying to lighten the mood.

“Because", I said his voice was low growl that shut me up. 

An slow grin came to his face, on seeing my stunned reaction, his answer reminded me of the power struggle I had with my parents as a child. Why? Was no appreciated when questioning parental actions.

“I don’t usually do what I’m told”, I said smiling genuinely again. The ghosts of our past subsiding.

Jughead put his leg over his bike. “I recall”, his said chuckling. Oddly he was possibly the only one that would say that about my child self, Jughead has seen the stubborn side of me back then because I had trusted him. With other relationships, I had given in or gone along with anything the other person wanted because it was easier, and I wanted them to still like me, love me.

I put on the helmet, adjusting and snapping on the chin strap. Jughead backed up a bit and looked behind his shoulder at me “Get on”. 

I had been on motorcycles before and Jughead was smooth, as we got out of the ally and went down main a few blocks. The shop was only a couple blocks away so agreeably it may have been just as fast to walk, but we sailed past the turn off heading towards the southside. “I thought we were going to the auto shop?’’, when we stopped at a red light. I liked knowing what was going on. 

“We are going to see Gear in the boneyard” he said before taking off again, before I could question it. 

We slowed a little at the tracks and I relaxed into Jugheads body, leaning with him as we turned at the first left, instead of going straight which would have lead to the worm. We pasted the public area for Fox Forest Park, and winded our way behind what would be the bar even though I couldn’t see it. We took a sharp turn left and I tighten my arms around Jugheads waist as we emerged onto the road that went out towards Crystal lake. It was windy and the trees closely encroaching on he road. If a deer came out we wouldn’t have much time to avoid it. I thought holding onto Jughead chest tighter.

Jughead put one of his hands over my cold ones as if he sensed my discomfort, I leaned my head sideways and lay my helmet head on his back, even with the jacket it was cold. After a while we slowed and took an almost invisible left turn into a long driveway. It lead down to a relatively ordered salvage yard. The yard spanned out quite far, there was also a large fenced area, by a small house. Bikes, and every kind of vehicles were everywhere. We parked in front of the house not far from some kind of army tank. I took off the helmet as soon as we stopped, I appreciated the safety of one but I didn’t really like being trapped in it.

I got off the bike before Jughead and walked towards the tank-like thing. I could hear someone working under it. “Gear” Jughead hollered coming off the bike, if this guy hadn’t heard the bike drive up he must be half deaf. Jughead crouched down to look under the vehicle, there was a yelp that followed beneath followed by some colorful words. A skinny ancient looking man came out from underneath, he looked full of energy and wiry.

“Why don’t you give a man some warning” He said giving Jughead a scowl. 

Jughead just grinned, “Sorry about that Gear”.

Gear noticed me and gave a low whistle, that made Jughead frown.

“Who’s the fender?” 

Jughead returning tone was sober, “This is Reaper, the wrench”. 

Gear moved towards me faster than I expected a man of his age to move, and held out his hand respectfully, “Heard what you did for me and mine. I thank you, Miss”. I swear if he had been wearing a hat he would have removed It. I smiled, accepting his words.

My gaze looked back at Jughead questioningly, trying to figure out why we were here. Jughead response was all business, “Reaper you are going to help Gear with the war wagon for a couple hours”. He put a hand out to touch the huge vehicle painted black. 

As if that was all I needed to know Jughead walked back towards the bike, getting on. “What are the last 2 numbers in your phone number, Oldest Friend? So, I don’t have to keep waking you up” 

I guess I had gotten distracted, with the text about Clad, and not finished giving him my phone number, “41”.

Jughead started the bike. I looked at him excited for the chance to work on something new, but still confused. “I’ll be back in about 2 hours, if you need me call. “, and then he rode off 

“I don’t have your number, Ass” I said rolling my eyes at the back of his retreating form.

Not having his number, turned out to be a motto point because 40 mins later an unknown number texted me. I was already dirty and under what Gear called a Dessert Dragon, modified of course. I wouldn’t have looked at my phone at all except that I was making sure it wasn’t my mother needing something.

“Beautiful, I’m going to be later then I thought. I’ll feed you after to make up for it” 

“Beautiful?” I texted back 

“You complained about Reaper, so I’m calling you something else’’ 

I sighed, ignoring him, I could just picture his smug grin. I put my phone back in my jeans and turned back to Gear, we had found a familiar ease as we worked on the war wagon. Which I took to be more literal than figurative because it had some old bullet holes in the reinforced metal. Occasional I had to shout so that Gear would hear me but otherwise, we worked good together, once he told me what needed removed or replaced. The time flew by and it seemed I only just got here when I heard a bike come up the drive way. 

I got off the ground and rubbed my hands on a somewhat clean rag, my clothes a little worse for wear but I was pleased with how much we got done. I really enjoyed helping out and it oddly gave me a peace. A smile fixed itself on my face, I was happy.

Jughead strided slowly towards me, as Gear came out of a rundown, but still standing, work shed with some grease. Jughead looked tense.

“You ok?” I asked 

“Just club business” 

I nodded remembering they had some guy in a dungeon. Jughead turned to Gear as he approached us. “She’ll do fine”, Gear said, “really good”. Jughead nodded unsurprised like that was something he already knew.

“What?” I asked confused.

“You are hired” Jughead said in explanation looking at me. I had known he had said that I was going to meet a guy about a job, but I had kind of forgotten all about it once we got here. 

“Ok" I said looking around ,"here?” I asked. How the heck was I going to get here, without a second vehicle. I didn’t want to leave mom without one. I guess I could patch something together once I got some extra money. 

“No, at the Riverdale Auto”, Jughead said, “the club owns it”.

“Since when?” 

“A few years, lots has changed since you left…Reaper” He looked at me with that half grin, I think he almost called me by my new nickname.

I scoffed at him, “Well it looks the same”. 

“Yes, but looks can be deceiving” his grin that if a predator.

I shook Gears hand, who was watching our verbal banter with amusement. At least one of us should try to be professional. “I see you on Monday, if that works?”, it was Friday I’d like the weekend to sort out the newspaper stuff with mom. Gear nodded but looked over at Jughead in that way I was beginning to recognize. 

I turned on Jughead accusingly, “Do you run the shop?” 

Jughead was anything but bothered by my annoyance, “I oversee the Club businesses, the shop being one of them. Gear runs the day to day at Riverdale Auto”  
“Is there a reason that you didn’t tell me that, instead of pretending that you just happened to heard they needed a mecanhic?” 

Jughead didn’t step back, at the bite in my accusation, “We are always in need of a good mechanic, and you are a great one. If you don’t want to work for us, I understand, I’ll help you find a job unaffiliated with the club.”

So much for me being professional, “It’s not that I don’t want to work at your shop, it’s just…” 

Jughead sharp voice cut me off “You are just dam too prideful and pig headed, yet somehow also self deprecating and annoyingly humble, to see that anyone would be an idiot not to hire you.”

He breathed out slowing regaining himself “This isn’t pity or charity, this is business. It was Gears call”

“OK”, I said feeling stupid for making an issue out of nothing, “I’m sorry.”

Jughead actually growled under his breath, “I’d really like for us to go through one dam day with out you apologizing to me, for shit you didn’t do wrong”. 

I shook my head confused, I was so use to apologizing to the men in my life, even though it never seemed to be good enough, or fix anything. Jugheads words made me feel sick because it gave me a glimpse of how far from normal I had been, and what crap I had accepted that I never should have. 

Jughead stepped closer and cupped my cheek with his hand, his eyes looked pained, “Forgive me I’m in a foul mood, this day has been challenging”.

“Oh, you are allowed to say sorry, but I’m not” I said in a tone full of mock attitude, smiling at him so he knew it was ok.

Without a word he just took me in his arms crushing me to his chest. I knew that it shouldn’t work this way, but the act made everything better. As if it was a cure-all for both of our problems. He held me a moment then let go. “Come on we are already late”, his grin warmed me as much as his hug.

I yelled goodbye to Gear, who had wisely gone back to work at some point. I had been too distracted with Jughead to notice. I put on my helmet, and we were shortly after back on the road and it seemed sweeter, me doing the work I loved and the security of a job made life brighter. I would be doing something that made me feel good about myself. We rode in silence until Jughead pulled up behind the register where there was another bike parked. I looked at it confused taking off the helmet and getting off the bike.

“Who’s here?” I asked the wall, peering at it as if I had x ray vision.

“My dad”, Jughead offered, “I promised you food remember.”

We went upstairs and FP and my mother were chopping up veggies for a salad. Polly was washing something in the sink. “You guys are just in time; the food just came. FP ordered in for us Betty, wasn’t that nice of him”. She was smiling friendly, but I could see what underline the cheer was something like fear. I noticed the two boxes of chinse food on the table, it seemed enough food to feed 10. 

“Mom can I see you for a second”, I tried to keep my voice light but everyone noticed the slightly awkwardness of the request. We left the two, larger than life, men in the kitchen. FPs jacket was hanging on the hook beside the one that Jughead used. I went into my bedroom because there wasn’t a better place and mother closed the down behind me. 

“Are you ok? I’m sorry he asked to drop by sometime, but I had no idea that he meant so soon” I was concerned, if my mother was feeling fear that was truly saying something. “If you are not comfortable, I’ll get them too leave...” 

My mother cut me off curtly, “Is this why we rudely left our guests in the kitchen?” she accused, her anger directed at me, so much for a rescue attempt. 

“You looked scared, I thought…” I stopped looking down at my mother again, she wasn’t scared she was nervous. She looked like a little girl that liked a boy but was too nervous to approach him. My mother didn’t get nervous. “Mom?” I said one word yet it conveyed everything.

She looked up and actually looked flustered, “FP and I have a long history, a lot longer than me and your father.” She paused brushing her buttoned top for imaginary debris, “It’s funny how he still makes me feel like that 16-year-old girl…” And that right there may be the most honest my mother has ever been with me. 

Which immediately changed, but I didn’t mind so much because it was the old Alice. “Now if you are done with your hero complex, the food is getting cold.”

“Ok just let me wash up and change”, I said but she was already going out the door back to the man that gave her butterflies, and I followed her like a chid. Jughead had hung up his jacket and was just finishing up setting the table, as FP mixed the salad. Domestic bliss with snakes, seeing Jughead again in a t-shirt made me realise that my mother had lead me back to the man that gave me butterflies.

Jughead pointed out the we needed another chair, I told him I’d handle it and I took the opportunity to flee, telling myself it was a tactical retreat to regroup my walls. I washed up quickly and changed after getting a chair from mom’s room. When I got back everything was ready and Jughead sat in the chair, I brought, sacrificially, because its seat was a bit lower. 

We sat beside each other at the crowded table, Jugheads shoulder rubbing mine. Polly sandwiched between me and mom was the only one to complain. FP looked slightly nervous as well, I observed. There was a vulnerability about FP that I admired as if you could see the truth of everything he was feeling, if you just bothered to look. He never seemed afraid to feel either, it was almost as if his problem was the opposite, that he felt too much. Traits that I use to always admired in Jug. Jughead, however; had grown a hardness that FP didn’t seem to have. 

Jughead noticed my scrutiny of his father, FP only had eyes for my mom. I just shook my head at his wordless inquire. I couldn’t help but think that there was too much unknown about the new Jughead. This was something I completely accepted as his friend but couldn’t if he was something more. As a significant other it was not worth the risk, I was more then fine being alone. Being alone was safe.

This at least was my firm decision until Jughead took my hand under the table and squeezed it in concern, breaking down all the logical walls I had just build. At times like this, my brain stopped working and, all I saw was the Jughead I had always known.

Alice and FP lead most of the conversation talking about old times, and I was content to just listen, going over some thoughts of my own. We polished off all of the food, I had underestimating the two-guest’s appetite’s and my own I hadn’t eaten all day. Alice and FP insisted on doing the dishes and seeing as there was only a limited amount of space at the sink I caved. 

Not sure what to offer as entertainment. The tv didn’t work which meant we should get rid of it, and I didn’t know where or if there were any games. Jughead offer was better “Want to get a drink at the Worm, play some pool, and see Clad? Really any combo of that you might want.”, he said with a chuckle.

My mother spoke for me. “Oh yes, you two have fun, we will finish up here”. Again, before I could add anything, my sister went into our bedroom and slammed the door. That made the decision for me, even though I felt bad for being away so much.

“Sure" I supported my mothers claim " but how about we do the drink and pool somewhere else, to mix it up a little.” 

I don’t know why I suggested it other than it was something different and maybe Jughead would feel more comfortable, not so guarded needing to be V.P. He nodded agreement, not seeming to mind the idea. We grabbed our jackets and headed out, leaving my mom and FP to talk and laugh in the kitchen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed it :)


	6. anywhere i go you go, my dear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Betty and Jughead go play pool.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING:  
> Heavy themes in this chapter.  
> Sexual abuse references.  
> I'm also finding that the characters are swearing quite a bit.
> 
> On the lighter side:  
> I also did two classic cliche moves, in this chapter.  
> I have a poem and I mentioned Wuthering Heights.  
> Forgive me i promise never to do it again :)

I picked up the helmet and was about to put it on, when Jughead handed me an envelope. I looked down at it questioningly.

“For working today” 

I looked inside, there had to be 500-600 dollars in there, “Jughead this is too much”.

“I thought you would say that, and I also knew that you would refuse to take any payment for helping Clad last night. So, if it is too much for todays work, consider it a pitifully retainer, in case we inconvenience you with our medical needs in the future.”

“Of course I’ll help, you don’t have to pay me” 

Jughead grin widen, “that’s why it is so little. Really, it’s just paying for gas and meals” 

I looked at his incuriously “You drove and feed me, remember?” 

“Next time I might not”, he straddled the bike, “Nerve already put in on the books so you have to take it”. He grinned at me daring me to refuse.

I looked at the envelope, it would be a life saviour to us now. “OK I give up, is that what you wanted to hear?” 

“Always”, Jugheads eyes and tone spoke of craving. 

I stepped away from the bike and maybe the intensity, “I better take it up… to be safe.”

Jughead laughed, it was wild and real. I smiled, it had been awhile since I heard him sound like that. “Beautiful, I have the grand task of keeping you safe, and you, are invaluable. You don’t think I can protect you and your money at the same time?” 

 

I paused then wordlessly put the money in an inner pocket and put the helmet on. He drove out of town, the wind whiped at us as we went down the highway, the moon was blood red like Jugheads tattoo. We stopped at a bar just off the highway, it had a couple bikes out front but was mostly trucks. It had more of a cowboy than biker feel, the important thing was that it had pool tables and upon entering I saw it had lots available.

 

Jughead had gone in first again, even though he held the door open behind him. I decided to address the uncharacteristic rudeness. “You know gentlemen open the door for a lady, to go in first” my comment was a little snarky, not that I knew this from personal experience.

 

Jughead looked back at me genuinely confused, but then his face broke into laughter again. Twice, I was doing good I thought, I wasn’t even annoyed that he was clearly laughing at me. “A man that would let his women walk into an unsecure room first, using her as a shield, isn’t worth much in my books. Gentleman or not”, He grinned down at me, because he knew he got me.

 

I had been once again fooled in the difference between the fantasy and reality of the thing, much like pirates, and sex on the beach. The real world never lived up to the romantic notion. Also, in the case of sex on a beach, it just meant a lot of sand in awkward places you didn’t want it. “Fair point”, I said dismissively, embarrassed that I had been found out as a closet unrealistic romantic. Jughead laughed lowly, and lead me to the bar with his large hand on my waist and a grin on his lips.

 

He got the bartenders attention to order drinks. I asked for whiskey on the rocks which clearly surprised and pleased him. “I had to trade up, the chocolate milk sometime.”, I offered as explanation, “And when I drink I do it right.” I smiled at him as only a woman could, regaining some of my lost dignity. I turned walking away to get us a pool table, knowing he wouldn’t be able to look away. “Maybe it would be a good night to get introduced to each other, become acquainted with the adults we have become” I yelled back smiling. Let his think about the double meaning in that I thought bemused.

 

I got a pool table far in the back, away from everyone. It was still early and not busy at all, only one other table was being used. I found the best-looking sticks and put them down on the table. Jughead came shortly after with my whiskey and his beer. He handed me my glass, and I took a sip. 

 

“I came up with a way to make things interesting”, Jughead had a mischievous look, “to help us get to know each other as you suggested”. “Oh? “, I smiled wondering what he had in mind. “With every ball we sink we get to ask the other person a question, we could start small and built up to the deeper darker secrets, with the depletion of balls” 

“I can’t believe your volunteering to share information”, I teased

“With no risk, no…”, he shrugged, a chuck of his black hair falling onto his face as he looked down at me.

I wasn’t a great pool player, but I could hold my own, “Why not”. I picked up the remaining stick.

“Good, do you want to break?” he offered 

“Of course,”, I said and I sunk a solid. Reward! I couldn’t help but smile, because I already knew what I wanted to ask. “What happened to your beanie?”. Jughead was glancing down for a shot, “I burned it.”

“Why? “, this sounded more serious, then I had been expecting.

Jughead lined up the shot, “Even though that is a second question I’ll allow it.” He took his shot and sunk a strip. Standing up his gaze fell on me, “I was sick of hiding”. I nodded accepting his answer even though I wanted more.

He came closer, "What is your last name?”

I sighed with a laugh, moving to the end of the table, “It doesn’t really matter, because I’m changing it back”. Jughead just kept looking at me like he had done with Sweet Pea earlier. I smirked at him, “Your voodoo doesn’t work on me, but I will allow it”. I looked down at the table, picking the ball I wanted to hit next, “Bolton.” 

 

“Betty Bolton”, he said disbelieving.

“Yes”, I said lining up my shot, “it was bad start to finish”.

“The marriage or just the name?” he was asking seriously and I stood back up giving him my full attention.

 

“Both, we were too young and I saw in him what I wanted, not what was. But I loved him, he on the other hand…”, I bend over again and took the shot. I missed, “Fuck”, I swore at my disobedient ball. “I thought he loved me, but he didn’t. Turns out never actually, not really." I looked over at Jug my words now a whisper "sometimes im not even sure it exists"

 

I went back to the wall beside Jughead, we just stood there for awhile not saying anything. Finally, he pushed away, “I don’t think I’m ever going to get use to Betty Cooper swearing” Jughead said with this sly smile already making me feel better.

 

I laughed watching him survey the table, “Well it’s a good thing that I only swear when talking about my ex, because I don’t plan on wasting my breath on that subject anymore”. I wish that always had been the case, but I have spent far too much time trying to figure out what was wrong with me, and how I could get him to love me. How I could make it work, thinking that if I just found the right formula of words that I would one day matter to him. Far too much, of my life.

 

Jugheads voice brought me back from those sicky depths, “If you think I can be distracted with your wiles, and mysterious silent, you are mistaken Cooper. I'm not missing this shot”, and to prove his boast he sank another one.

 

I went over to him thankful for his joking distraction, “So my womanly wiles are starting to work are they". I come up next to him. 

“Not as much as your enticing smell.”, his sly smile called for violence so I complied hitting him in the shoulder laughing. “Are you saying the smell of grease, oil, and sweat does it for you?” I hadn’t showered. 

“On you, yes”

 

We continued in our playful banter, his next question was if I had any tattoos. Which I replied yes, but I wouldn’t tell him the where, I smiled at myself. He asked me were we had lived, when we went off the grid. I told him all about our life back then. How I had cried, how school was hard and lonely and how I had learned to rely on myself. How I learned that no one was going to save me or look after me. He listened calmly but I could tell there were deep waters he was keeping buried.

 

I asked him about the animals he had, he said that he was tempted to get bees by his house like Juaquin had said but only currently had the chickens and Snake. I got the next round which he grumbled at, but I reminded him that it was my money to do with as I wished. I stealthily took out some bills and ordered two rounds from the waitress.

 

As we downed our drinks he told me what it was like growing up at the bar, which was only allowed because it was legally a private club with living quarters above. He said he had both loved and hated the freedom of it, with no one (yet everyone) looking after him he sometimes completely fell through the cracks and had to fend for himself. The ole ladies spoiled him, the better-meaning patch members introduced him he things he was too young for. He shared how hard it was to transfer to Southside school, leaving his teachers and friends and Archie. Even though it was only a few blocks away it felt at the time the other side of the world. Most of the darker undertones of what it was like I gathered myself, he didn't complain or said out right. He shared how Jellybean, was now finishing her last year of high school in a small town outside of New York, and how he had become an official part of the serpents as soon he was allowed. He said that they were the family he had when he most needed it.

 

I took a deep breath trying to concentrate, as I slowly practiced drawing the stick through my fingers. Jughead was three balls ahead of me and I couldn’t miss another. It’s ok, just breath and take your time. "You going to take the shot or do you need help?” Jughead leaned against the wall stick in hand, his smile smug.

 

I stood up my concentration gone, “Help?” I said bitingly. “Oh, you mean that lame excuse that guys use so they can press up close to the girl in the movie”. My remark lashing at him but it didn’t seem to hit, he just laughed. I shook my head there was something both dam sexy and infuriating about a guy that didn’t get irritated easily. Well not easily with me anyway, I thought smiling.

 

“I think you are forgetting something important”, he pushed himself off the wall to walk over. He was close and smelt great but unlike him I wouldn’t be admitting my weakness. “When the guy, admittingly lamely, gets to help the beautiful girl in the movie.” Jughead sexy slow smile took me in, and I just tried not to need breath or notice the effect his nearness had. “When the guy helps, she makes the shot. “his laugh was low. Dam his beautiful eyes and too near body.

 

“Fine help” I smiled taking back the power. Challenging him and from Jugheads surprise he hadn’t expected me to take him up on it. He put his stick away and moved behind me, his breath warming my ear. “You hesitant, you just need to line it up and commit”, he was right of course but I didn’t tell him. I was instead forming a bad, oh so good plan, in my head. 

“I feel like I should have some assurances. If we don’t make this shot”

Jughead chuckled, “We will not miss” 

“Then beat” I said turning to face him. “You streaking down main street” 

Jughead looked down suspecting something of course but not what, “When?” 

“Tonight, or at night anyway. I have a reputation to maintain and I plan to watch”

He smiled, I knew he didn’t like losing, “With no physical interference from you? “ 

“None”, I said. 

“Fine”

 

I turned around and leaned over, knowing that I looked pretty good in these jeans. His large hand covered over mine holding the stick. I had to time this perfectly. “Your hands are so firm”, I started as he lined it up. 

 

NOW! I thought as I moved with him, as he pulled back for the shot. “Like when you kissed me this morning”. The ball went wide, I stood up watching it miss and cheered. I turned around to gloat, but Jugheads hand was over his face. He didn’t look like a man that got the humor of this. “Jughead?”, I grabbed his free hand. Maybe I smacked him in the face with the back of my head in my excitement. “Jug”, I was getting more worried with every second that passed.

 

He put his hand down taking mine, “I thought it had been a dream, beautiful”. His voice was low, his eyes held pain. I was confused and bothered by his reaction. “What…” Then I saw it as he would, because he was Jughead. He had been comforting me and taken advantage.

 

I thought it could just be a funny story between us, but I had sullied it, and nothing I could say would convince the brooding boy inside him to not beat himself up about this.  
So, I did the only logical thing I could, I kissed him. A little tentatively at first but then his words ran through my mind and I pressed in, committed and sweet, showing him, I didn’t mind. After a moment of one-sided bliss, he grabbed my shoulders and pulled me away. Not asking with words but reading me as he always could. He must have seen the answer he needed, because he turned us around forcefully pressing me up again wall with such hunger as we have never acted out before. I didn’t mind him taking control either.

 

It has breath taking and reached me to my core, burning open doors I thought were locked under many chains and keys. “Jughead” I said breathless when we broke apart, me securely in his arms as he leaned over me. I had never been kissed like this, I didn’t even know kissing could be like this. No wonder people liked it so much

 

“Beautiful” 

“You know that’s not a name”, I said softly.

He held my chin up, shrugging “It’s what I’ve always called you. In my head when I thought about you”.

“You think about me?”

 

His hand cupped my face, “I’ve been tormented with thoughts of you” he grinned. “Like one of your gentlemen, in a Gothic novel.” Jughead tone was his brand of endearing sarcasm “Just give me some tower and I will jump off it to be rid of you. Or a manor on the moors to deny your ghost.”

 

I looked up at him a little awed, “Have you read Wuthering Heights?”.

 

Jughead put his other hand around my back drawing my close, kissing the top of my head “What self respecting brooding 16-year-old, hasn’t read Wuthering Heights?"

 

I kissed him again to shut him up, if he started quoting the book I was in big trouble. We past some time forgetting that we were not the only ones in the bar. I use to seriously judge people like this, but that was before I knew kissing was so enjoyable.

 

Jughead must have heard something, because he turned around keeping me behind him. I leaned out to get a look, there were three guys that looked like rejects from the 90’s.  
Jugheads voice was V.P cold again, all emotion leached out, “Malachi”. The guy in the front was obviously the leader and seemed interested in me. “Jughead”, the leader returned.

 

I moved out from behind Jughead, I didn’t know what this was but it was a good time to get back to my drink. I swear I could feel all their eyes on my back as I walked over to our railing. I drank the whiskey down, it was starting to get very busy. 

 

I turned back trying to portray a board and relaxed attitude. Jughead was not pleased with me leaving him, but I figured if these guys were on first name terms how much of a threat could they be? I could see they were not Serpents from the side, even if all the studs in their jackets didn’t give it way. It was as if they found Polly’s old Bedazzler and when crazy with it. I could spot some kind of gross green man patch on the back of one guy, when I walked back over to Jughead. 

 

“… problem Jones. Now that The Serpents have gone national, you think everything belong to you”. I had a feeling he meant more then the bar, Jughead without looking reached over to me and pulled me close against his side. It seemed like a relaxed move but I knew it was calculated.

 

“This bar is neutral ground Malachi, and If you are not content to stay in Southside you can still patch over to the Serpents”, Jugheads words were smooth and calm, “We formed a truce, because The Ghoulies have a history here, the same as us.”

 

Malachi sneered at Jughead.

Jughead continued, “It was your clubs choice to refuse us and stay scum dirty” 

Malachi scowled, “Don’t act so high, your hands are not clean.” 

 

“There is dirty business, and there is bottom feeding. Don’t act like dealing in women is the same thing”, Jugheads cold control had cracked a little, he was upset. He took a deep breath regaining the calm, “Drop the sex industry, and we will welcome you with open arms. You will have a seat in The Pit, I guarantee the personal takes of you and your men will be higher then they are now”. I was beginning to understanding what exactly made Jughead upset about these guys, they dealt in prostitution and from the look of them not anything high class.

 

Malachi chuckled low “You’re not in a position to offer anything to us Vice President”. He said the title like it was an insult. I looked down at his jacket but there were no identifying patches, I guess when you were a small group everyone knew who you were.

 

Jughead took his arm down from me, and stepped forward in earnest, “If I took this proposal to the president, he will accept it”. He spoke like he would stand and die by every word.

 

Malachi nodded, he seemed to be considering it, I hoped for those women he did. I was proud of Jughead desire to get rid of a prostitution ring. Malachi attention soon turned to me and I saw Jughead stiffen in front of me, his hands clenched.

 

Malachi seemed oblivious, though it was clear he was trying to bait Jughead. He didn’t so much as talk to me, as about me, “Is she a cutie? maybe when you are done with her she can come over to the House of…” 

 

Jughead moved forward like a cobra striking him. It was so fast that he got at least two or three more hits in before I grabbed him. “Jughead stop”, I screamed on autopilot shock, pulling on his taut arms. He let me pull him back, he was solid, there was no way I could move him if he didn’t allow it. He kept himself between me and them.

 

I rapidly assessed the situation , afraid that they would gang up on us, on Jughead, but the three didn't made a move towards him. No one outside of the group got involved either, in fact, the bar that had been just a moment before, quite packed, was rapidly emptying. No bouncers approached us, no managers complained, and I highly doubted if any cops were called. Malachi was leaning on one of his own, his nose looked broken, his eye already swollen, I was surprised that he wasn’t on the ground. 

 

I have never seen Jughead this violent, obviously from his reaction I had missed something, it scared me. He addressed Malachi with calm dead seriousness, “This is my old lady, and if you do not apologize to her immediately, you will be dead by morning.”” The full wrath of his emotion laid bared. 

 

Malachi looked genuinely taken aback and frighten. He had obviously miscalculated something. His eyes were wide when they turned to me, his face starting to bruise. “I apologize ...”  
Jughead filled in the name though not the one I expected “Reaper”. 

 

“I apologise Reaper, I didnt see a patch, and I made a mistake. I would never have spoken like that to you had I known”. The tension was thick, they all looked scared even though it was three against two. 

 

I realised that Malachi was waiting for me to say something, “I accept” i offered as seriously as the situation seem to warrant . I was missing something, but I still wanted them to accept Jugheads deal. I wanted these guys out of the sex slave business.

 

They all seemed relieved, and Malachi continued to speak, “I’m sure my ole lady would like to meet you”

 

I’m not sure if this was more of a rhetorical comment, but I saw an opportunity and decided to take it. “Does your old lady know that you rent out women for sex acts, then take their hard-earned money as if you deserve it?”, I asked sweetly.

 

“No” his answer surprisingly honest.

 

“How about her and me meetup, at Pops … “, I did a quick calculation in my head. How long does it take to shut down something like that? “Tuesday at 5. If you are still exploiting women, I’d like to talk to her about it “. I give Jughead a docile smile, pushing down the panic and heat that rose up when he called me his lady, even though it was only to prove a point to this guy. “They say the best way to change a mans mind, is getting his women to talk to him.”, I of course , once again, did not know this but it served my purpose. 

 

“I’m sure that date will work fine”, he looked uncomfortable but I had to credit him for sounding sincere.

 

Jughead took my hand, his eyes fixed on Malachi, “You are a fool, patch or not, to think I would discuss club business in front of someone, that wasn’t trusted and protected.” Every word was a punch. Jugheads gaze settled on each of them, all three cast their eyes down.” You will persuade your club to take our offer, and we will celebrate at a meet next week, to make it official.” Jughead moved closer, they held their ground but clearly fearful. It would be comical if the situation wasn’t so deadly. “Any of your members that decline, will disband or leave town. Joaquin will give you the official terms and details tomorrow”, they all nodded and with that Jughead lead us through.

 

When we got outside instead of going to his bike, Jughead lead me to the corner of the bar. It was dark and overlooked an empty field. His hand held mine, it was a tether in the storm. After a couple mins of silence between us, The Ghoulies came out, got on their bikes and drove off like the devil was chasing them. As if they still expected Jughead to kill them. 

 

I didn’t know what to do, Jughead’s eyes followed their path until they were gone. He leaned his body back on the bar siding, his Serpents jacket made a rubbing sound when he shifted his weight. He looked completely at ease, and I would believe it except his gasp on my hand bordered on this side of pain. He couldn’t let me go. “Do you want to talk about what happened?”, It sounded just as lame outloud as it had in my head, but I was grasping.

 

He ignored my question, I stood in front of him, studying his face. The shadows clung to his dark features but the light from the parking lot and the full dark red moon showed enough. There was rage but more revealing was an uncontrollable fear. “Jughead what’s wrong?”, his fear transferring to me, he was my barometer of safe. It seemed inconceivable that he feared anything, he had just faced down three men.

 

Jughead lifted his eyes and really saw me, “Betty”, it was a prayer, in tormented hope.

 

I kissed him, it had already worked or one problem tonight. Now I knew what it was like to burn. This kiss, however; wasn’t like before. It wasn’t passion I offered him, but a calm Sargasso Sea in the mist of his storm. It was a kiss that was bending Jughead to summit to serenity. He obeyed, putting both his hands softly on either side of my face, deepening it slowly. When we broke apart, he was calmer and I had my hand back.

 

“Help me understand” 

 

“Not yet”, Jughead took out his phone and looked at the black screen. He used his phone purely as a tool, I’ve never even heard him make common pleasantries on the thing. His speech was always short and too the point, him just gazing at it unnerved me.

 

I felt a pricking fear, “Jughead please don’t kill them”. His sharp eyes snapped up to mine telling me I was right; his silence answer.

 

I took a deep desperate breath, “I don’t know what happened, but it was just words. If he does what ever it is to me, then by all means kill him, if he does it to anyone.”. I covered the hand with the phone with my own, “But not now, not just for saying it.” 

 

Jughead words were cold, “Not your call. I need you safe”.

 

I released a short burst of breath, I was losing I realized. The magnitude of the cost haunted me, this was crazy. I infused my words with fear that was masquerading as anger,” IT IS!!… it was about me wasn’t it? Its my call… I’m the Reaper, I get to chose.”  
I shook my head, “If those men’s death and the risk of a blood bath, is the price for my safety I don’t want it, understand? I don’t choose it”

 

Jughead looked at me a long time. The wind picked up and whipped my hair around, as I stared him down. I couldn't be here if he chose death on my behalf, i couldn't be in his life. Why did i bring death to everything? I owned Clads nickname because it was true, it was who i was. Jughead reached out and took my hands, kissing both of my palms, pressing his lips down as if to imprint his mark. “I swear, I’ll spare their lives.”, he looked pained to say the words but i knew he would never go back on it.

 

I leaned back on the bar, relief washing over me, “Well that wasn’t what I expected, I was thinking some flirting, booze, of course to kick your ass at pool…”. I was trying to lighten the mood because i felt responsible for coming here, even though I knew that wasn’t fair. I glance up at his gorgeous face, there was a darkness in this man, but I knew it was in me to. I didn’t save their lives because I was squeamish or overly moral, I did it because their deaths didn’t serve a purpose like their lives might. As soon as they violated my inner creed, to me their lives became forfeit. 

 

 

“Do you still want to see Clad?” Jughead asked. I didn’t really, I wanted to go home, but I nodded yes.

 

We went to the bike and silently got on. I put my arms around him but knew he was far away, anyone would swear he was serene from the outside but I knew within him he was still dealing with what happened.

 

We rolled into the Worm lot and parked by the front door, there were a lot more vehicles and bikes. When we walked in, the music was loud and there were people everywhere. Jughead walked us to the bar, my hand secure in his. Toni was serving, with another female who was patched. 

 

Jughead waited for me to sit down while he looked around, taking in the room. Still standing he bent down to talk to me “I’ve got to go work out this deal, it might take awhile. “He looked at me apologetically, “Get any drinks or food you want, its covered and Clad will be glad to see you” 

 

He studied me reluctantly, “If you want a ride home and I’m not back, Toni will take you. Don’t go with anyone else, ok?” His tone was serious. He needed me to agree to this, so I nodded. He put his hand on my shoulder and kissed the top of my head in goodbye. 

 

Except he didn’t leave, instead he gazed down at me, his hand absentmindedly played in my blonde hair. “I won’t be longer than a couple hours”, he added as I sat, and he stroked. We watched the crowd enjoy themselves while we stayed stuck in our happy purgatory, I knew that it couldn’t last. I had to let him go, “Jughead, what do you need me to do?” 

 

He green eyes found me, his thumb skimmed across my lips “Wait for me, I need to make sure you are safely home myself.”

 

“I swear”, I tried in a sad attempt of humor. He did smile but it was a strained thing.

 

With another kiss on my head, he broke away and moved into the crowd. I felt his loss and was surprised to find that it hurt to be apart from him. Did he feel it to? was this what he had been avoiding? I watched him move, if he felt pain he didn’t show it. He moved easily in the crowd, and grabbed Joaquin, shortly after they both moved to the stairs.

 

“Well he’s not going to let you go, after that display. What did you do to him?” I turned to Toni, she was grinning at me with a little too much glee then the occasion called for. I wasn’t sure how much to say even though she was part of the club. 

 

“I didn’t do anything. Some guy said something horrible, I didn’t understand it" 

 

Toni was now entranced with my story, there was a guy farther down asking for a beer and Toni told him to fuck off for daring to interrupt. “What did the guy say? 

 

I thought back to the statement, “He called me a cutie, I guess what upset Jughead was the guy suggested I go back to his place?” Toni looked concerned, “Fuck, was he a biker?”, I nodded. Toni leaned in close and nonchalantly asked, “Is there a mess that needs to be cleaned?”, I shook my head when I understood what she meant.

 

“No, the guy walked”

 

Toni looked disbelieving, “Jughead doesn’t do well with attacks or threats against women.” I could see that, I thought.

 

“What does it mean? What part of that is a threat?” I asked.

 

Toni nodded sympathetically, “A “cutie” is a girl that is kidnapped off the street. The whole club rapes you repeatedly, beats you until you can’t walk and dumps you back in the gutter when they are done. That is after they have intimidating you into never telling the cops “. I sat stunned, this couldn’t be a real thing, but Jugheads rage and fear told me different.

 

Toni continued her voice soft and solemn, “The extra sick fucks brand the girl so she will never forget, and of course to tell any future clubs, that might pick her up, that she is already owned and used”.

 

I felt sick to my stomach, “Malachi does that to women, why haven’t we killed him yet?”, I didn’t even try to keep my voice low. Now I wanted blood and I had stopped Jughead from taking it.

 

Toni laughed. “Malachi no. It was Malachi? He’s mostly harmless. Well… mostly”, she smiled, “So what were you doing when Malachi saw you guys?”.

 

She meant what were we doing that made Malachi think Jughead had just picked me up and had little to no respect for me, I blushed and changed the subject. “He said that I wasn’t wearing a patch.” 

 

Toni waved her hand around, “Patches that say who or what you belong to. In your case Property of Jughead”, she said smiling. 

 

I bristled, “Property of Jughead?” I couldn't keep the anger out of my voice. 

 

Toni shrugged, “Malachi, saw you with Jughead and must have thought, due to all the innocent hand holding and hair braiding…”, her tone sarcastic and cutting, “that you were just a one-night-bitten kind of girl. Which if Malachi had thought about it for two seconds, picking up randoms at a bar isn’t Jugheads style.” Toni smiled, “and that was Malakai mistake, it’s a bit different insulting some chick a guy just met, and the only girl he’s ever been in love with.

 

I took a deep breath having her just say those words was a bucket of cold water, “Jugheads not in love with me.” 

 

Toni ignored me rolling her eyes, “So that wasn’t our fearless V.P that was just kissing your hair so tenderly, in front of the whole club”. Toni walked away laughing and served a few more people before coming back to me, “You want anything?”. I shook my head no.

 

“I know he’s in love with you, want to know how? I’ve known Jughead since he was 14 and he never once mentioned you. One thing I learned about Jughead is that the things that matter the most to him are the deepest hidden”, Toni looked out at the crowd keeping my silence company.

 

Toni pointed behind me, for a moment my heart jumped hoping it was Jughead. “See her jacket?” 

 

I looked were she was pointing, on the back of an older dark haired women jacket were the words “Property of Nerve”. 

 

“Nerve is a member?” 

 

Toni nodded, “Nerve is our treasurer.” I burst into laughter and Toni joined me, “It’s becoming less popular, especially here where women can gain full patch, but some traditions hold” 

 

There was a lull in our conversation and I tried to ineptly segway into something that was bothering me, “Toni tell me what it was like knowing Jughead when he was young” 

 

“I’ve known FP my whole life, but he didn’t bring Jug around much until…”.

 

I interrupted my own answer impatient, my heart was pounding. My voice came out as a plea “He’s different now, and that doesn’t just happen. Tonight, I saw an whole other side of him, three tough outlaws were terrified of him. I don’t understand this… Was there something that made him this way?” 

 

Toni looked uncomfortable. I was right, i shook my head barely believing it, and she knows. “Please Toni I need to understand this” 

 

Toni moved away down the bar without a word, she served a couple older guys and cleaned up a little. I waited trying to be patient, giving her time to decide, but it seems like she was pretending that I hadn’t ask.

 

Well I guess that’s her answer, I glanced at the room I didn’t know anyone here. No one was unfriendly, but no one approached me either. I could tell that Toni was keeping an eye out for me but she was also keeping a distance. I should just go see Clad, I was beginning to feel exposed, I didn’t even have a drink to fiddle with. I looked straight ahead at the bottles reading all the labels, as if I had developed an obsession with booze. I felt weird I felt … I was lonely.

 

The surprising part of that wasn’t that I felt lonely but that I was surprised by it. Loneliness was my normal setting, how had my expectations changed so drastically in just two days?

 

“Fucking Jughead” I sat in shock realizing the truth.

 

“You are singing my song, girl”, Toni came in front of me, blocking the adored booze shelf.

 

I looked at her a little stunned 

 

“If I could have a shot every time that man made me swear to myself, or at him for that matter”, Toni was smiling but it soon turned to a more serious look, she glanced at either side of me. “Look I don’t know you, but I know a few things. One is that Jughead loves you, I’m not saying it’s all the sappy nonsense that everyone seems to want but it’s love all the same. How Jughead loves is with loyalty, protection, and provision. This is one reason why he was made for club life.”

 

Something behind me snared Toni gaze and she gave that something that I realized was a somebody, the finger. I turned around curious and saw the retreating form of a tall blonde guy. Toni continued without a word about the interruption “Two, this guy that’s been walking around, last couple days with Jugheads face, is someone that I haven’t seen in a long time.” She paused troubled but clearly coming to a decision. “I also know that Jughead gets in his own way sometimes, if it matters, and outside of the club not a lot matters. You matter, and you witnessed at least two men tonight being idiots. This thing with Malachi… he was going to kill them, wasn’t he?”, I nodded to confirm.

 

Toni shook her head upset, “Malachi is small time, he’s in some shitty business but since he got married and had a kid, any evil leanings mellowed out. You understanding what I’m saying?”, I stood still because I really didn’t, “I know what he said was the height of evil, but anyone hearing that and knowing who Malachi is, should have know it was an idle threat. Jughead should have picked up that it was just chip on his shoulder, razing empty bullshit.” Toni let what she was saying sink in. “Jughead knows this, Jughead should know this and he was still going to kill them”

 

I looked at her to continue but she didn’t, she seemed to be waiting for me. 

 

“Why?”

 

“If you tell him it was me I’ll deny it to the grave. I’m telling you this not so you confront him or try to fix him, but so you will understand and hopefully mitigate the idiot moves, because they are mostly going to be about you. When Jughead was a kid, he killed a guy… Jughead killed a guy that was raping his mom.”, she wiped her hands. “That’s all I’ve got to say, he can tell you the rest if he ever gets his head out of his ass.”

 

Her words washed over me, and instead of the panic or fear that I would have expected, I felt calm. This made sense, Jughead made sense. This at least was how half of me was feeling the other half, the small part that remembered childhood and innocent and goodness, was weeping internally for the boy with blood on his hands. I managed a voice that didn’t give anything away, “Toni thanks.”, I got off my stool, “I’m going to go visit Clad”. Toni didn’t say anything or try to stop me, she just looked sad.

 

On auto pilot I walked through the crowded bar. I had just pushed past the large swinging “employee only” doors into the hallway, when someone grabbed my arm. More than anything it showed my dazed sate that I didn’t immediately react, as it was I just stared at the tall blonde guy that had just grabbed a part of me. I couldn’t remember if I had meet him before, I didn’t think so. 

 

“Didn’t you hear me Blondie? I was calling you. Don’t tell me you are one of those girls that’s too full of themselves to say hi?”, he smiled at me with one of those supermen perfect row of teeth. He was clean, an iconic boy next door, take home to your mother kind of guy. I instantly disliked him.

 

I ignored his guilt trip bullshit and cut to the chase, “Maybe if you knew my name to call it, I would answer”, I yanked my arm out of his hand.

 

He put his hands up in a non-threating surrender stance, as if I was the danger. “I was hoping to learn your name, which is why I'm here” he gestured to the hallway leading to the medical room. I all of a sudden realised that I was close to many but completely alone with this guy, a fear bell rang in my head. I shook my head confused by the fear, I’ve just been through a lot tonight. The guy had been talking “Usually one person says “Hey, my name is Gaines Park”, and the other person says…” he waited in dramatic pause that I’m sure he thought was very clever.

 

“Betty”

 

“Blonde Betty, perfect. I tried to talk to you at the bar, but your friend didn’t seem keen to let me”, his smile was too big. This was the Free Rider I thought putting it all together. I didn’t know what that meant exactly but I knew this, he wasn’t a Serpent, he wasn’t one of Jugheads men. I didn’t have to be polite. 

 

I smiled cuttingly, “She has discerning tastes”, I offered moving down the hall again. Gaines skirted in front of me, I stopped frowning at him.

 

“look Gaines, I’m not interested. I’m not going to sleep with you. I’ve had a stressful night and I’m not in the mood for this shit”, thinking that the truth would be the quickest way out of this.

 

This however seemed to have the opposite affect, “I like a girl that has some life to her, though I can see why you are still unattached”, he stepped forward and to my shame I stepped back but I knew if he touched me again i would snap. I was at the end of my emotional rope.

 

My voice was sickly sweet and very clear, “Get the fuck out of my way or your balls will be getting very acquainted with my boot”, I focused all my rage into those words. Gaines could see I was dead serious and stepped aside. I walked past.

 

“Lesbo bitch”, he said under his breath.

 

I scoffed, why was unimaginative disgruntled men first attack to comment on a women’s sexuality? “I love cock”, I threw over my shoulder, “just not when its attached to an asshole who don’t respect my no”. What an jerk I thought, continuing past the door to the kitchen then farther down into the medical room.

 

Clad was siting up with Sweet pea, I took the empty seat across from sweet pea. “Reaper” Clad said in greeting. “ You know you have gotten everyone to call me that”, I smiled glad he was looking so better.

 

“It’s a good name”, offered Sweet Pea genuinely. His male bravo from earlier missing, “Hey, I’m sorry about breakfast”. I smiled at him, he seemed a little ruff around the edges but I could tell he had a good heart. His apology had a calming effect on my fraying emotional nerves.

 

“Believe it or not I’ve heard a lot worse since then, so considered it struck from my mind”, I laughed incredulously at my luck today.

 

Sweet pea frowned, “Anything that needs being dealt with?”. I thought about Malachi and the asshole in the hall. “Nothing I can’t handle myself”, I said sweetly. Sweet Pea nodded in acceptance, “Where is Jug?” 

 

“Upstairs talking to the President”, the fact that I used the title was not lost on him. I thought about what Toni had said, “If you were planning on apologising to him, I’d give it a day or two”. No use reminding him. Clad was nodding at Sweet Pea, about my offered advice. “How long did the doc say it would take for you to be ok to move?”

 

“He wants me here another couple day, and then I can be moved elsewhere”, I looked around going over to the cabinets were Clad’s jacket was laying. It was a blue jean jacket and it was covered in blood. His Sgt of Arms patch and the three chevrons looked up at me, “Would you like me to wash it for you. Try to get the stains out?”

 

Clad eyes opened in surprised, “Not a task that you need take on” he said so low that I barely heard him. Sweet Pea crossed his large arms smirking at Clad. 

 

“I’d be happy to , it’s the least I can do after you bled for the Club “, looking for a yes or no I stood there still holding his jacket. Clad just looked pained, if I didn’t know better I’d say my words were hurting him.

 

“I’d been honored” he said finally looking up. I walked over patting his arm. “I’ll get it back to you tomorrow. I promise I’ll take good care of it”, I didn’t want to deprive him, even though he wasn’t in a state currently to wear it. 

 

I realised that I couldn’t clean it at home. A bloody garment and my mother, should not be mixed, hearing and seeing were entirely different things. I didn’t want to stress her. I patted Clad on the arm again, “Heal friend”. It was becoming a good luck phrase because every time I said it, he got better. 

 

“I’m going to go soak this. You guys have a good night if I don’t see you later”, I took the jacket and went out the back. Before the door closed a deep barking, laugh came from the medical room that could only have been Sweet Pea. 

 

I went to the right, to the break in the woods, I could hear voices but no one questioned or stopped me. I walked slower then last night, I was relaying on only my own senses and the path was still new to me. Thankfully the moon was out, and it helped me see enough until the house lights appeared close ahead. I also heard the fearless protector. “Snake it’s me “, he came sniffing and wagged his tail. I pet him with the one hand I had free for awhile and then channeled my inner Jughead, “Snake go lay down now”. Which, much to my surprise, Snake did.

 

I walked inside, I knew the door would be open because I had been open last night and when we left I hadn’t seen Jughead lock it. I hadn’t noticed a laundry room the night before but opening one of the doors that I thought was a closet revealed it. He had a deep sink and a washer and dryer, I put the cut in the sink with some soap and tried to get the worst of the blood out. It took awhile, I refreshed the water and let the jacket soak with some soap and stain remover I had found under the sink. I’d leave it overnight.

 

I now didn’t have anything to do, I washed my hands in the bathroom. I really didn’t want to go back out there or talk to anyone, so I moved to the bedroom instead. Deciding to read a little to pass the time, I went through the piles and saw something that surprised me. It was a slim volume of poems by e.e.cummings, I took it out from it place in the stack. It looked old and very worn, there was a Ninja Turtle bookmark in one of the pages. 

 

I opened that page, skimming almost lead to me dropping the book altogether. The first line threatens tears that I had been holding in. 12 years ago Jughead had said that sentence to me and I hadn’t known it was a poem or a part of a whole. Knowing that now made it seem like I had been denied all but one note in the most beautiful song in the world. The poem that I grieved never knowing. 

 

i carry your heart with me(I carry it in  
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere  
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done  
by only me is your doing, my darling)  
i fear  
no fate(for you are my fate, my sweet)i  
want  
no world(for beautiful you are my  
world,my true)  
and it’s you are whatever a moon has  
always meant  
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows  
(here is the root of the root and the bud  
Of the bud  
And the sky of the sky of the tree called  
life;which grows  
higher than soul can hope or mind can  
hide)  
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the  
stars apart

i carry your heart(i caryy it in my heart)

 

I closed the book and held it like a life line, crawling under the comforting blankets, because they hide me as I cried such deep sobs of grief, flowing out of me in raking battles of defeat. Between Jughead and I there have always been understanding, sense that did not always make sense. Meanings, explanations known without words, sometimes without reason at all. He said those lines to me trying to explain something bigger then us, and I had understood. But they were bigger then my 10-year old self could hold or fully comprehend. I didn’t really know what was being offered, only in lives losing could I understand. But Jughead as a 10-year old had make such claims that was hard for any age to comprehend.

 

How could I know then, that I had already meet and was losing the one that held my heart, my soul mate. Why did I have to leave to become so broken until I could no longer believe in such things, even when it was in front of me. I, a shaking body wept, no part of me was not involved with the unsetted rise and fall of my body under the sheets. The surrender to sorrow, because that girl he loved was dead, and this thing I was now, he wouldn’t. I weep unstoppable sobs because faced with such things there was nothing else to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The poem is not mine:
> 
> e.e cummings  
> "[i carry your heart with me(i carry it in]
> 
> I've been loving the comments, thanks for reading.


	7. and whatever is done by

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jughead and Bettys relationship goes deeper
> 
>  
> 
> *Some Sexual Graphic Content*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Life is a strange and beautiful thing

Slept must have come, but I only knew it as a tight ball surrounded with his warmth, he pulled me apart only to put me back together again. His breath on my face, his arms on my skin, warming the cold parts of me. The parts I wanted to hide, knowing that if he observed me long enough then surely, he could see the wickedness beneath, but I couldn’t pull away. Instead I rested behind my lids, until the light come painfully and uncomfortably close.

 

“Betty what happen?”, his alarmed concern was what reached me out of my selfish deep denial, that wanted to pretend the real world was the dream. “Betty?” His voice was a demand although spoken eerily softly. I opened my eyes, they hurt, his vivid green ones were far too close. “Who did this?” he said holding my chin. 

“Did what?” My voice sounded strange, weak. 

Jughead weight shifted off the bed as he went into the closet. I blinked following his movements, thinking it might make his words make sense. He came back out with a gun, there went that theory. I pushed myself up and just stared at it in his beautiful hand.

“Is he still here? Jugheads voice had reverted to deadly calm as he rapidly swept the bedroom. “Betty, how did you get away? Why didn’t you come to me or a brother?” he stilled, his voice held anger and pain, “Betty was it a club member?”

“Jug what’s the matter,” I was getting scared now that I was more awake, I gestured towards the gun nothing was clear.

Jug moved back towards me, looking me over as if he could read my skin, “You must have passed out, do you remember anything?”, his tone terrifying yet trying to be comforting. His eyes were full of violence. I wouldn’t be able to save them this time, I realised. Whoever he was talking about, whoever the gun was for, Jugheads green eyes promised death when this person was found. 

He grabbed my waist and drew me to my feet. He wordlessly started checking everywhere a hiding man could be, keeping me behind him. It being a small house there wasn’t a lot of places. 

In the bathroom I found the answer to the questions I was too confused to ask. I caught sight of my face in the mirror. Under my eyes were black and blue bruises, from the capillaries breaking. I looked like I had been punched and had two black eyes. I would have freaked out at the sight, except It had happened to me before, the last time I really cried, before I found out I didn’t deserve to grief.

“Jug, no one did this to me”, I’m sure he heard me, but he didn’t stop. Jughead lead me out of the bathroom, “It’s from crying…crying really hard”. This got through and he turned to me unsure, but a moment later he was looking at the kitchen suspiciously. “Stay here”, he said going to finish his search of the rest of the house. On his way back, he put the gun away.

He held my face with both hands disbelieving my explanation clearly,” I’ve never heard of this happening when crying beautiful, but I have seen it with choking”. He failed to mention wither in work or play. I placed the thin book I was still holding in my right hand, to his chest as explanation. He dropped his hands and took it disbelievingly, gazing back up at me like I was some kind of miracle, “How could you have possibility found this?”

“I’m going back to bed “, not wanting to have this conversation. He didn’t stop me as I slumped back down the hall. I looked horrible and I felt horrible and I needed to go back to sleep. Under the blankets, this time, I didn’t want to be alone, I wanted Jughead beside me sharing his warmth. I was ashamed of my need knowing I didn’t deserve his comfort or regard. 

After a while when he didn’t join me I thought he had come to the same bitter conclusion, but then just as I had resolved to make my heart hard again and put my walls high, he came back in the room, to the bed, and to me. A sigh of relief escaped when his arms wrapped around me and I went to sleep knowing I was safe. 

 

Jughead  
Her hair spread out around her tucked face, that was wedged into my side as if the nearness could banish the nightmares. My neck protested the awkward angle, which made it capable to see the sight that was so dam beautiful. 

These last 2 days had been a feast of beauty. Snapshots that were agonizing, but from which i couldn’t look away. Betty coming out of her bedroom wearing her dark leather jacket for the first time, her hair flowing down it, showing the contrast of dark and light. Or the look she had given my body, after we had finished moving, it had gone straight through me. She hadn’t been intentionally sexy, but her face held such longing and desire that It took almost everything not to take her in my arms right there, so i could kiss the longing away. 

Even her command of the medical room, covered in blood, or her dirty clothes of oil and grease with Gear, she was still the most beautiful person that I have ever known. Her face now bruised, she was illuminated, incandescent because of the light she had inside. I had always seen its shine, even when we were kids, always knowing that i wasn’t worthy of it but drawn nevertheless. 

 

My darkness to her light. I was always amazed that some people didn’t seem to really see Betty, they had seen the clothes, smiles, her proper behaviour, but not her soul that was bright. She was a being of light in this dreary world and completely unaware of her effect on it or me. Putting my head back down i looked up at my ceiling. 

 

I’ve spent a lot time looking up at this ceiling thinking of Betty one way or another, but never dreaming that she would be beside me. I had to admit in the deepest recess a small hope, but nothing that I ever allowed myself to feed. I hadn’t slept all night, knowing that there may never be another one with her in my arms. 

I stroked her hair and she moved gently into my touch. Truth was that even as I had always seen Bettys light, I have seen her darkness to. Though it was a thing deeper in her, something that she uses to strongly deny, making excuses for its every occasional appearance.

 

Just as my darkness was drawn to her light. Now as adults I was catching glimpses of my darkness calling out to her own. Deep calling to deep. How she had handled Malachi last night had been skillful and utterly impressive and how she had handled me even more so. Her darkness was no longer content to hide, and I was surprised to realize that I loved that side of her as much as the light in our youth. It was all Betty, so it was all worthy of being worshiped.

I hadn’t wanted her in my world, in fact I had made plans to keep her very much apart of it, but at every opportunity to pull her closer to me and the club. I couldn’t deny her, wouldn’t lie or hide, and she rewarded me every time with acceptance and support when she should have turned her back in disgust.

 

Her life had been hard since she left, and I didn’t want to make it worse, but I couldn’t let her go. Unless she asked, there was no power or man on this planet that would take her head from my chest or her hand from mine. All that was in me screamed that she was mine, while my heart also knew it just couldn’t be.

 

The emergency meeting last night had been both productive and aggravating, when i had gotten to the part in the story explaining what Malachi had said to Betty, I punched the wall, relishing in the pain. Pain I understood. 

 

My father looked at me silently, but knowing. Joaquin was surprisingly not helpful suggesting that I should just declare officially to the club that Betty was my Old Lady and give her my patches for protection, “No one would mess with her, if they knew she was yours.” 

Joaquin was missing the subtilties of the situation my father understood, but then again, he had been in a scarily similar situation with Bettys mother, Alice. These were women you didn’t try to control, not unless you wanted to lose them.

Most of my father’s story I hadn’t heard first from him, but as a kid from tongues around the club that got loose with alcohol. I had heard the tale, or many versions of it from others, old men forgetting I was around. 

F.P and Alice had been madly in love, the passionate kind that often leads to disaster or death. F.P hadn’t been president then he was the Road Captain. Somehow, they meet, no one ever seemed interested in recounting that part and if I had questioned it they would have shut up completely realizing I was there. I knew that her parents where turtles in serpent country and even though they lived on the south side they had plans for better. 

They were strict from all accounts and put a lot of pressure on Alice to excel, which off course created the perfect powder keg to explode in their faces. And it did when their only daughter fell in love with a prominent Serpent. Alice became a member, involve in all club dealing outside of the darkest. Then a few years in she had left, I only heard the rest when my dad got out of jail, I had just been newly initiated into the Serpents.

 

My father understood well what I could lose, because he had lost in already and then history repeated itself with my mother and sister. I suspected that my fathers lack of getting over Alice contributed to the failure in his second marriage. He told me once that it had not been fair, marrying my mother, because what she deserved he couldn’t give. 

 

I took that lesson to heart, not giving any women in my life any hope because I knew I no longer had my heart to give. Betty snuggled closer and I looked down at her again, I couldn’t imagine what he must have felt. I had known that Betty was mine, before I knew most anything and with that knowing was one equally strong that I could not claim her. 

That night, so long ago, when she had told me that they were moving, I had not been surprised. I knew that I couldn’t live by her side forever, that the heavenly and the earthly only mix for a time. Those stolen nights when we sneak out, they were taken, not earned or deserved. Like these past two days she was reverting to what was familiar and safe but I knew she wouldn’t stay, she couldn’t really be apart of me and my world.

 

So, I held her now as I had back then, and I wouldn’t say a word of protest. When today, or tomorrow, perhaps this very morning she would look at me and realise that she had to go back to her real life and leave me once again behind. 

 

The day my 10-year-old self stood by her parent’s SUV, I had planned to do nothing. Thinking I would just let her go, but I hadn’t been strong enough and instead I had quoted the first line of the poem that I had chosen in English. I had been drawn to Cummings due to his rebellion towards grammar, or at least that is what I had told others. The truth was that poem reminded me of how I felt when I was holding Bettys cold soft hand on a colder ground, that never seemed to bother me. That morning I quoted poetry and told her I loved her.

Now I looked down at her thinking the same wishing, even though I knew I was a fool to think that two damaged people could come together and be one. I needed to let her go.

She shifted in my arms the sun would wake her up soon, I would be dammed if it would be me. I would cherish every moment I had of this finite time between us. She sighed and I knew it was the begging of the end, moments later she lifted her head and looked at me. “What time is it?” her voice was sleepy and I wondered if she would be able to process the information if I gave it to her or just fall back asleep. Her continuing stare gave me the answer.

I glanced at my arm “Just before 5:00 Beautiful”, she groaned and I couldn’t help but grin at her misery tone. She was adorable in all the right ways, “Do you want breakfast and tea?” I offered as a peace offering.

“I want a shotgun and don’t give me a reason to use it”, I’m sure that made more sense in her mind but her inapt threat just made me chuckle. 

“You can go back to sleep.”

“No, I need to go help out my mom today,” she was half attempting to sit up. Shit I should have known better then to offer, if I just had not said anything she probably would have just fell back asleep. Sometimes with Betty it was best not to give her an option. This way I made her think about it, this way she had to do the right thing. 

 

“Your mother is still asleep and would not thank you to wake her…” my tone calmer then I felt. I waited doing everything but hold my breath. It amazed me how she could still be the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. She paused thinking about it, “Sure”, she said already dozing off her face landing back on my chest. The smile on my face was perhaps the widest it has ever been, but she missed it because she was asleep beside me.

 

Betty

I had woken up in Jughead arms this was beginning to be a reguler problem. Looking in the bathroom mirror I questioned If I really believed that it was wrong. On waking I had demanded a toothbrush and Jughead had supplied one. Why didn’t I ask yesterday? I chastised myself putting toothpaste on my prize. Jughead had taken his own toothbrush and went into the kitchen I assumed, giving me space. My bruises were already better but still noticeable. I’m not sure if my face was the reason, but Jughead offered to cook breakfast for us here.

I looked around counting the strokes on my teeth, and noticed something I hadn’t last night, In the shower a bottle decorated in swirls of purple and pink caught my attention. As I got closer I saw that it was body wash, female body wash. I stopped brushing looking at everything with clear focus, my inspection also revealed, high quality shampoo and conditioner as well as a purple squeeze sponge with the pristine paper tag still on it. 

My first reaction was an ugly upheaval as my stomach threatened to empty on the floor but, I realised in a daze, those had most definitely not been there yesterday, which meant what exactly? That they were not another women’s? That sometime in Jugheads busy day yesterday between interrogating people and negotiating deals he had gone and gotten supplies… for me? The reaction to this “good news” was just as violent and just as nauseating.

 

I looked at the door, then back the shower, then back to the door. I was stupefied, shocked and disturbed how this act of kindness was so foreign to me. This may be the nicest thing that anyone had done for me since I was a child.

I went forward and opened the body wash it was vanilla. Maybe I was wrong I couldn’t assume this was for me I thought, not willing to believe, back pedalling for all I was worth. I finished and used the new facewash I had found by the sink. The fact that he had unpacked these items, placed each out in his house, was amazing to me… if it was for me.

 

I walked out, I could hear the cooking of bacon. He was wearing a tight dark grey shirt and looked delicious, behind him through the window I could see a firepit and forest. Jughead looked up as I nervously approached, smiling his grin at me. I had planned to bring it up nonchalantly, but I wasn’t calm inside so failed, “Jughead the new shampoo, body wash, and stuff….” I couldn’t finish I didn’t know how. Jughead just looked at me waiting, I was an idiot. I was acting like a teenager. Jughead could only have missed my awkwardness if he was blind and deaf, and instead of rescuing me he let me stew.

 

“Yes?” he said smugly. It made me annoyed and cleared my head. 

“Expecting company?” I said snarky

Jughead laughed cracking some eggs into the pan, “I thought it wasn’t any of your business how many blondies I entertained” He was joking but they still hit home. I remembered the words I had said just the other day and how I had meant them at the time, oh how much has changed. My face dropped but before I could dwell Jughead moved closer, lifting my chin and dragging me tightly to his body. His face was serious, he was regretful that he had hurt me. I shook my head to tell him he hadn’t that it wasn’t about him. 

 

“You are the only blonde, or girl of any hair color, I want in my bathroom or bed. I got it for you.” His words were almost overwhelming but then he grinned, setting off the serious with a joke “In the hope you would return for medical reasons of course”. 

 

“Of course,” he made me smile. “Thank you”, I wanted to tell him how much his thoughtfulness mattered and touched me, but I didn’t try because it would be one of those things that would be very hard to explain without sounded insincere of stupid. 

He went back to the eggs, and the absence of him unpleasant even though there were only a few feet between us. This was not good, shaking my head I sat down on a stool overlooking the stove and island. Jughead reached behind him grinning and got out a couple plates.

 

“You are amazing, last night you charmed both my guard dog and Sargent In Arms. Snake to let you pass and Clad to wash his cut, a cut that has never been washed despite many a well meaning old lady offering and brother suggesting it.” 

“What” I said in horror realising what he was saying. “I only offered…” 

“Yes, but Clad was unable to resist the Reaper” he said it jokingly but It must be true “this will go over better, with the club, then you saving his life. You might even be nominated for sainthood” Jughead laughed.

I smirked, “The Serpents have Saints?” I asked sarcastically. 

“We might start”, I thought of those extreme churches in the south that danced with snakes perhaps there was a connection.

“Is Clad upset?” I asked a little fearful of the answer. 

“He’s more upset with Sweet Pea frequent re-enactments. He’s got voices and everything”, that made me smile remembering the laughter and twinkle in Sweet Peas eye last night. 

“I didn’t know” 

“It’s a thing of pride with some, only allowing road rain to cleanse a cut. I’ve never felt personally inclined to take up the practise but to each there own. Some members will not allow anyone else to even touch their jacket.” 

“What about you?” I asked wondering if he had any rules, I couldn’t remember ever touching his jacket without him in it.

Jughead shrugged turning off the stove and putting some toast, the sunny side up eggs and bacon on a plate and giving it to me, “As much as I respect my cut and what it represents. I wear the cut, it doesn’t wear me” he grinned making up his own plate. “If you feel up to it you may clean mine anytime you want”

“No, thanks”. I rolled my eyes but Jughead missed it as he rounded the island and took the seat next to me. We ate in silence. I tried a couple times to think of something to say even though the silence was comfortable. Jughead must have felt the same because he sat contently beside me as well.

When I finished my plate, I stood up on the stool foot bar and leaned over to steal more bacon from the plate by the frying pan, I glance over at Jughead to gage if my theft angered him but, instead there was a ravenous look that was about more then food. I quickly looked away, took the bacon and sat back down. I had just spent two nights in his bed and he had acted the perfect gentlemen, I couldn’t keep doing this it wasn’t fair. 

I stiffened my back resolved to do the right thing, I couldn’t come back not when I couldn't give him what he wanted. I looked up resolved to have the necessary conversation, Jughead must have read every line and resolve in my body. His eyes snapped in anger, “No” his voice was low but instead of fear it washed over me like a warm lover’s touch. 

“Jughead, I have to…” I started trying to hold firm but he didn’t look reasonable he looked like something far more primitive. “No”, he stood up encircling my waist with both his hands, spinning me to face him. The kiss he captured my mouth with was a brand.

I was instantly breathless; each kiss had a direct link to between my legs. He broke It off and applied all that force and claiming to my neck and then lower, but my shirt was restricting him, I was still in my clothes from last night. He looked in my eyes, we were linked, we spoke books of volumes. He was not asking for permission but he was looking for something to stop him and I flushed because I couldn’t.

 

His eyes were hard and dark but I wasn’t afraid, with a swift move he pulled me up to him and I wrapped his waist with my legs. He started walking and I busied myself with his neck, I bite, licked and kissed every place I could reach which had the affect that I wanted because Jughead cursed and his breath got rugged. I was having an affect on him, I smiled, It was me that made him groan, I was breaking him down. Biting a little harder then necessary, just because he was at my mercy and I could. He must have liked it because and in response he slammed me against the bedroom wall. 

“Siren, she-devil” he took my lips. I was amazed at how good this felt, how right it felt, and our clothes were not even off. “I’m going to make you moan so loud” his one hand had found its way under my shirt. His thumb stroked across my nipple, making my whole body enflame.

I was finding it hard to think straight but there was a nagging thought that came through, “I need to shower Jughead, I didn’t get a chance yesterday after working with Gear remember?”

“I don’t care” his mouth back on my neck his voice muffled.

“I do” I said sternly. Jugheads beautiful skilled hands, stilled on my arching body and he raised his head back up to look at me. He didn’t look pleased but he was giving in. Thankfully he didn’t offer to join me, because I don’t know how much will power I had to refuse, and I didn’t really want shower sex to be our first time. Though I’m sure Jughead could make that enjoyable as well he was introducing me to all new experiences that I had already written off. I never thought kissing was enjoyable until now.

 

I squeezed between him and the wall and moved to the bathroom and closed the door behind me, without a backwards look. Sitting on the edge of the tub I took some deep breaths, admitting to myself that the shower had been part of an excuse even though I really didn’t want to have day old sweat on me. I slowly stripped out of my dirty clothes, wondering where I had left my leather jacket last night, I vaguely remember taking it off when I was cleaning Clad’s cut so that I wouldn’t get it wet.

 

I started the shower until it was the perfect temp and got in. The water washed over my body, some of my best thinking was in the shower. Did I really want Jughead? Or was this some stupid rebound thing? Was it fair to have these moments with him now knowing there was no future in it? I worked the shampoo into my long-wet locks. 

I knew I wanted Jughead because I had always wanted Jughead, I was Jughead, I smiled thinking back to Jugheads book confession last night. Sorrow washed over me, but none of that meant anything. There was no guarantees or assurances in this life, even Heathcliff and Cathy were only truly united in death. Soul mates didn’t mean happy ever after.

I washed my body with the vanilla wash as the lush conditioner stayed in my hair. I came to my answer not in the reveling of truth as usual but instead in its absence. I didn’t know what was going to happen, I had no assurances because life had none to offer me. What I knew was there was a man in the other room that I loved, had always loved, and even if we could only be together for a time I was going to take it. He had proven himself more than worthy, never showing me anything but respect and kindness. Even though I couldn’t give him my heart fully, I knew I wouldn’t regret this.

When I exited the bathroom in a towel, the clean overlarge clothes on the floor, made my heart hurt. I smiled here he was giving me clothes, even though he wanted to take them off. I stepped over them and walked to the bedroom, He was laying on the bed propped up with a pillow. His one arm raised over his head the other on his chest, holding open a book. It was a pose of pure sex. He set down the book on the bed when he saw me come in. His sly smile took me in I assume because he noticed my attire.

“Come here beautiful” his one arm open, ready to enclose me to him. It was an offer of comfort. I caved walking over and climbed in, putting my head on his chest my damp hair laying on his shirt he didn’t seem to mind, and a moment later confirmed it as he stroked my hair.

“Betty you have undone me. I was going to let you go… I had meant to” his voice was low and vulnerable.

“I had meant to leave” 

“Never”, he said it with force holding me closer for a moment the thought clearly troubling him. I loved the inconsistency in his logic. He meant to let me go but could never have let me leave.

“I have nothing and it's dangerous...", his voice troubled.

“I have nothing worth taking”, I spoke honestly but from the displeased grunt it was clear he didn’t believe me. The silence between us like at breakfast was comforting, as we thought our own thoughts. 

“Be my Old Lady”, He continued his voice monotone going through his thoughts as if he was reading them out loud, “if you want we can get married. Joaquin has a licence, we could do it here or there is a pretty church out by the boneyard that might…” my uncontrolled laughter stopped him. He lifted his head looking at me curious at my reaction, which just lead me to laugh louder and harder. 

Finally, when I got more control I was able to speak “That is the least romantic proposal I’ve ever heard of, even those sports jumbo-Tron guys have done it better.” He smiled and didn’t look at all offended which I was thankful for, I had been so use to tip toeing around my ex’s emotions. 

Before I knew what was happening I was on my back with his over me like a predator over it’s prey. All laughter ceased to exist in me, I looked up at his hungry grazing eyes, the towel had shifted in the flip and his eyes were getting a bit of a treat, I hastily covered myself he allowed it but his small smile said that he would be getting to see everything he wanted in a moment. I actually consciously swallowed. 

“Be my Old Lady” each word was slow and full of promises, spoken with command he wasn’t going to take no for an answer. My breathing increased

“I … I can’t”, he was completely undeterred by my refused. He licked his lips slowly he was going to get a yes out of me somehow, I thought shivering scared at his unknown and capable ways. Obviously, I was not scared enough to actually stop him as he moved lower down my body. “Wait …”

At first it was just his warm breath that touched my core but soon after his tongue joined, my whole body shuttered at his first touch. He looked up at me amused “I’ve got you beautiful” he said before returning his tongue to my clit, gentle at first but then with more pressure and intensity. I swear my brain shut off as time no longer became relevant, my ex had never done this he seemed to think it was disgusting and I must have somewhere agreed because I never thought about it. But this…

What Jughead was doing was a symphony of pleasure, almost an overload of pleasure which a small part of my brain wanted to classify as pain or danger. On some level I accepted that I might not survive this but i was willing to pay the price. His tongue worked wonders as my head moved back and forth on the pillow of its own will. I both wanted to get closer to the heat and away from it. I was rapidly losing all control over myself, and I didn’t mind, I’ve never felt anything like this. He was touching me everywhere through one small place. Jugheads warm palm came down on my stomach holding me, to him not allowing my escape. 

I ascended the pleasure cliff knowing that the only way down was to fall. This was the only way it could have been, Jughead was never going to let me go and I never had the strength to leave even if I knew I should. I held my breath, growing still while feeling more then I ever had before- suspended in a moment where I wanted desperately, longing for something more then Jughead… and just before I was about to tumble in oblivion bliss he stopped…cruelly.

In a daze I opened my eyes, I hadn’t known where closed, and looked out. Jughead was at the side of the bed taking off his shirt. His chest bare and beautiful “Jughead please…” His smile was sexy and infuriating, he came over to the side of bed and put his hand in my hair “What do you need?”. I blinked trying to think clearly, “You, I need... you”, I was sure I needed that. Jughead smiled and moved away again, denying me still and he slowly, far too slowly un-belting his pants, as if none of this affected him as if he wasn’t the one that did this to me.

“I need you, asshole”, I was angry now and sexually frustrated. He laughed getting completely naked looking at me unashamed or self conscious. He was gorgeous there was no part of him that was not tone and muscular, I sat up and just looked at him. “I thought you said you had nothing to give me”, I smiled wickedly looking him up and down. We looked each other over, even though I was somehow still partly draped in a towel, his eyes were heavy and pleased with what he saw. 

“If I come back to that bed beautiful I’m going to make you mine in more ways then one and there will be no going back. I don’t give up what’s mine”, He was deadly serious, “If this is something you don’t want, now is the time to say"

I was sobered by his declaration, with all my objections I knew I wanted him. This might not be wise or healthy but wanting Jugheads was not the problem, nor was wanting to be his. 

“I want you”, my voice sounded vulnerable to my ears.

Jughead stepped forward frowning, “all of me?” the question was not said offhandedly. He needed to know that I wanted him more then just in this moment, but afterwards all the dark and hidden parts as well. 

“All of you...I accept you ...Jughead”

He nodded as if it was done, had I just made a deal with the devil? Was my soul still my own? Had it ever been?

“I want to see you” he said grabbing the towel from me and roughly took it away. The act was exposing and not kind, but instead of freighting me it melted my core.

“Beautiful”, his gaze looked over me. There was a moment of stillness as we looked at each other, that erupted into violent and desperate movement. I don’t know who moved first but we soon were a tangle of limbs, bits marks, and kisses. Every form we took we fit. There was no longer two separate being but one. 

His beautiful hard length rested at the entrance of my core teasing me, Jughead pulled away above me dominating in stature. “Be my Old lady,” it all came down to this, he only played to win. His gentle stroking was driving me mad, “Jughead please”, everything in me cried for release. He stroked me with his penis where just mins before had been his tongue. 

“Mine” he invaded me only an inch or two and then vacated my need, it was encompassing and fleeting. I hadn’t been with anyone for awhile and he was bigger then anyone else, he filled me and the lose was profound. Actual tears escaped my eyes and ran down my face, that is how much I needed him. 

His face had no pity but demanded I bend to him will, his thumb brushed over my swollen clit. He was the perfect negotiator, he would take everything and I’d come begging him for more punishment. He was the master of knowing how close I was and kept dangling me at the edge but not letting me fall. I hadn’t known any of this could be real.

I felt every gentle strum across my clit and was prisoner to every shallow invasion, it was powerful and took everything from me. I both praised and cursed his name on my tongue, the demi-god above me was patient and sure. “Submit and I will give you satisfaction Betty”. His words shivered through me like his teasing tactics.

“I can’t” I said it but I knew I couldn’t hold on much longer, it was a failing bluff and I know he sensed it. “You will” he said and without warning he slamming into me to the hilt the pleasure was unbearable but gone almost the moment it was there, like a crashing wave on the sea. He moved low whispering in my ear “Say you are mine”. My breaths came in short surrender as he said each word  
It was one thing to admit my wanting him and another to lose the freedom I had just recently regained. I had never wanted to put myself under a mans rule again. But his every touch and stroke told my brain that my body didn’t care, that I would pay any price. Nothing in me wanted to resist anymore, nothing made sense enough to. All my reasons and fears were hallow.

“OK” I breathed completely undone by this man. He sat up waiting, he wouldn’t accept anything but complete submission, “I’m yours Jughead, I’ll be ... I'll be your old Lady”

His smile was predator pride after he had slayed his prey and eaten his fill, his thumb still stroking me pressed in bringing a whole new level of pleasure pain to the mix. “Will you wear my patches?” he continued. my brain was foggy but remembered what that meant “Not the property of… but I’ll wear something “there must be some other option I thought regardless Jughead nodded as if this was a fair negotiation.

I was too much in ecstasy to be angry even though I knew I should be, “What kind of evil being are you?”. Jughead didn’t look the least bit ashamed of his methods, “an Incubus?” I accused.

“I’m yours “he said entering me fully, a fierceness in one long stroke. His words and movements focused everything in me to a pinpoint of light and pleasure until I exploded like a star. I lost all control and recognized the moaning was my own as the blinding sweet release came over me. My body clenching around him, his groans in my ear feeling me cum around him, finally showing my affect on him. 

I came down from the heights able to breath again and Jughead slowed for a while letting my overly sensitive body get use to him before gaining a steadier rhythm. I bite and clawed at his back, every movement was passion and burning, I wanted this to be our forever. Slowly I could feel the building of another orgasm at first it was a calm sea of pleasure that later built to the desperate highs, Jughead of course was very aware of what my body was doing. 

He lifted his body a little and brought a whole other level to this game, he was touching something deeper within me, “What the ….” My eyes rolled back in ecstasy of it and I was gone, it wasn’t heights, but it was everything. It was wholesome and stable like a warm bubble bath. Then unexpectedly one moment wasn’t like the others, it was like I was imploding into myself instead of exploding. When my eyes focused again, Jugheads just looked smug, still inside me. “what…was… that…?” I could still feel my clit orgasm building. 

“Just one of the wonders of being a woman” his looked down at me serious “I want us to come together beautiful, you think you can do that”. I scoffed as if I had any control over my body he was the one who lead me, I just followed. He smiled as if he knew what I was thinking. “That’s my girl” he said as we franticly meet each others movement until we had both succeeded in release, with a groan we followed down together and collapsed in exhaustion, we were both breathing hard he went to my side and pulled me to him. “I love you Betty” his whisper was in my hair.

We lay like that for a few blissful minutes before my mind betrayed me. I tried to swat the thoughts away but it was a losing battle. I sat up “You came inside me”, regaining thought capabilities lead to fear, a lot of fear. 

Jughead kept laying, looking unconcerned which irritated me, “Did you think to ask?” I said accusingly. I was going to get pregnant, and then I would have two babies to take care of, how was I going to provide for all of us, while I was pregnant? I doubt Gear would let me under the hood when I was noticeable showing. 

Jugheads words cut into my worry “I fairly sure I acknowledge it, announced it even.” He said calmly to the storm within me. 

He let me pull away to the other side of the bed, “What if you get me pregnant? Did you think of that, me getting pregnant?”. I was so angry it was easier than the fear. His voice was non-threating “Betty, we can handle whatever happens, welcome it even…” I interrupted him “Life isn’t a game; did you think that maybe I don’t want to be pregnant? or that I shouldn’t be pregnant?”

I took some tissue paper and roughly cleaned the evidence of him out of me, throwing it in his trash. I looked down at the floor seeing and putting on Jughead's clothes that didn’t make it into the hamper. I was being crazy I knew it, and I was saying pregnant too much. I was even on birth control but he hadn’t known that i thought angerly.

Jughead sat up not unaffected by the anger himself, “Betty what’s this about?”. I’d feel sorry for him having to deal with a crazy woman after giving her multiple orgasms, or I would if I gave a shit. I walked in front of the bed going towards the door, Jughead was out of bed and stopped me in all his naked glory. “Betty, I’ll take care of you, always,” he was trying to sooth my fear, but there were too many and I couldn’t put my trust in believing his words.

I moved back away from him, “Take care of me?” I scoffed at him as if he was a child. “It’s not just me Jughead I come with the whole package, what were you thinking that we would all move in here. Where are my sister and mother going to sleep, on the couch? With two babies crying all night and day” the moment I made the outrageous comment I longed for, it that there was some world where I could stay here with him.

“Why do I get the feeling that no matter what I say it’s going to be wrong,” Jughead crossing his arms. He was right but being correct had no place here. “I can’t be with someone with no plan that…that risks so recklessly,” the excuse sounded lame even to my own ears. I moved to go past him again but he stopped me by positioning himself in front of the door, I would have to touch him to get through.

“You are not going to get away from me so easily, Blondie,” my anger got some more fuel he knew I hated that nick name I always had, “You are mine now, I warned you and you chose”

“That wasn’t free will that was extorsion”

He closed the distance between us easily “If you wanted fair you came to the wrong mans bed. You bent your will to me, and unless you want me to take you back there …” it was both invitation and threat. I stepped back I knew even with all I was feeling he would wipe it all away and get me right back to agreeing to everything and begging for him.  
But he knew if he did it, afterwards this person I was now, would come back only worse. I could see his calculating this while looking at me weighing his options. 

“I need to go.” I said in no uncertain terms. He nodded at least accepting this “I’ll get some clothes and drive you”

“No” I reacted violently I couldn’t stand to be alone with him any longer then necessary. He looked me over clearly upset, “Wait” he demanded and I obeyed like a slave girl. He walked back to his dresser getting something form the top and came back. “Take my car,” he said handing me the keys, “Go right home”. His command was not lost on me but I didn't comment, soon as I was free he had no power over me. 

The car must be in the parking lot even though I hadn’t noticed it. Freedom, I thought as I moved quickly down the hallway. Just get home and figure out everything later. I needed space to figure out what to do, I needed to be safe and alone. 

“This isn’t done Cooper”, his voice reached me as I grabbed the front door knob. 

“That’s not my Fucking name! I yelled back. 

I was as close to running without actually running as I could get moving off the poach and down the trail. I didn’t see snake which I was thankfully for I didn’t want to linger. I went through the double doors outside the club avoiding the hallway to Clad. 

There was no one around as i made my way to the front of the bar. I was almost to the door when I was stopped “Morning Betty”. I stopped, stuck not wanting to turn but unable to move forward.

F.P was sitting at the bar with a mug of something. “F.P” I said. He looked at me in his sons crumpled clothes and my flush face, he took a sip and looked over the way that I had just come noticing that no one was following. 

 

“Come sit with me a bit, I’ll pour you something hot”. The moment to leave and not be rude had already past. I went to sit in the stool beside him, this was too similar to what me and his son had done this morning to be comfortable. He thankfully got up and went around the bar “What can I get you?” 

“Tea, cream and honey if you have it.”

 

They did and it wasn’t even an old crusty jar like I was expecting. As I stirred the honey in the tea F.P sat back down and got to the crux of it “My boy must have done something to get you leaving this early” I looked over at the clock, it was 8:30 which wasn’t early but he was right so I shut my mouth. 

“He cares for you Betty, there has been a few girls through the years but he held them all at arms length and not one of them ever saw his house let alone spent the night,” this really wasn’t a very encouraging pep talk but I could see where he was going with it. “I remember how you use to be when you guys were kids, there was never one without the other” his voice drifted off. 

“I’d give both my arms if I could spare Jughead that pain, I know it would almost ruin him. losing Alice and Polly almost killed me. That’s why this second chance means everything”. He gaze forward still acquainted with the pain. His words took way too long to settle in “What are you talking about?” I stood up looking down at him as a sickly sense come over me.

Things, pieces started to make sense. F.P looked up at me just as confused, I remembered that memory I had looking up at the sign of the bar and my mother outside fighting with somebody. F.P stood up as well, the confusion giving way to understanding, sympathy, and regret. “I thought she would have told you the truth or at least some version of it. Your mom and I were together when we were young, I loved her more then….” He put his hand through his hair like his son. “I’m Polly’s dad Betty, that’s why Alice married your dad. We were part of the serpents back then and… I let her go…I promised…”

My ridiculous overblown pregnancy fear that I had yelled at Jughead not so long ago all of a sudden didn’t seem so crazy. It was all too much, I knew I wasn’t ready why did I go to his house, his bed. This was my fault it was all my fault. I stood up shakily, I looked at my hand still on my full cup of tea and marvelled at its stillness. “I need to go” in the end that’s all that was needed and perhaps it was rude but I no longer cared I was too busy walking away.

Jughead

I looked where he did, it had took everything in me to let her go without me. Moving to get a cup of coffee to distract myself. My father was usually the first one up, he didn’t sleep much anymore. “Life was a whole less complicated before they came back” I said it not really meaning it to someone who would know that. It made my dad chuckle “I remember thinking something similar back when I was young and a fool.” 

He paused turning to look at me “What happened?” he asked point blank I’ve always appreciated, if not enjoyed, my father’s bluntness. 

“Nothing, she just got scared. I’ll get her back.” I said it dismissively.

F.P sat on a stool and I leaned back, looking me over. “Take it from someone that knows, Betty might seem sweeter then her mother, but she has enough of her mother in her. Those women make big and lasting decisions when they are scared and feel backed into a corner.” 

I nodded taking another sip angry at myself but using it on my father “I’m not going to make the same mistake you did, i will never let Betty go”, the words were biting and if I was honest fueled with the fear I was denying. To made it worse my dad didn’t get angry back, he just looked at me with pity. “It takes strong women to handle men like us Jug, and strong women tend to have minds of their own. Just give her some time before you barge in there trying to fix things, better yet wait till she comes to you”.

I nodded as way of apology, what he was saying was wisdom. But now that I had a taste of her sweetness, saw first hand how she responded instantly to my touch unashamed fully receptive to me I couldn’t give that up not now, not ever. Any foolish thoughts I had before of saving her from this life or noble intentions where gone, Betty was now mine, she chose. Being with her had been better then any fantasy anything i could have hoped and it had been real, I knew that it had scared her. She was frightened by how real it had been, how it tied our souls even tighter together, I knew that’s what she was feeling because I felt it too but I wanted to push forward knowing that this would lead to more life, for us.

I just had to fight her fears and then I could my own. Thinking back to something she had said “Dad, what’s the deal with the old Riverdale auto house?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You are amazing and patient people


	8. only me is your doing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mother and daughters, and the men in their lives.

The car was in the front, it wasn’t even locked. I guess the people who would take it, would also know doing that would be unwise. Getting in, I shut the door and I took a deep breath really looking at the interior. I hadn’t been in the right frame of mind to appreciate the sleek and beautiful vehicle before. 

The key lead to a purr of the engine, I smiled despite my world falling into dark unknowns. Looking behind me I was half expecting to see Jughead, but he wasn’t there. I squished the irrational disappointment that knowledge brought and pulled out faster then was warranted, seeing as no one was chasing me. It wasn’t until I was almost back to The Register that I realized I’d left my keys and phone. “Dam” I said resigned to my fate, because there was no way I was going back.

I used the spare key to open the door to our stairs, once again in clothes that were not mine. My mother would not approve or believe that blood got on them twice, even if she had believed me the first time.

She, like a villain of old was sitting at the table waiting. “Elisabeth, what happened!?” She stood up coming over to me. Her alarm reminded me of what my face looked like, I instantly regretted showing up like this.

“Nothing” I tried to get past but she wouldn’t let me

“Elisabeth tell me what happened” her voice was authoritative which made me feel like a child, but the adult in me recognized the fear. Seeing me this way I’m sure brought up her past abuse. I sighed taking a seat, I needed to handle this correctly, mom sat back down.

“Where’s Polly?” this seemed to be my only inquiry of my sister of late. She was human not a problem to handle or at least not just a problem to handle.

“She’s asleep” my mother offered

Looking down the hall, I guess there's no time like the present. Keeping my voice low, “Mother I need to talk to you” she stiffened she knew it was serious. She scrutinized my face trying to read it; I had never been good at hiding my emotions. She looked a long while.

“Who told you?” cutting me to the chase, taking the information out of my hands with this partial confession. My mother like me had learned how to survive and stopping people at their own game was one way to do it. Even when I knew her biggest secret, with that somewhat confession she had the power again demanding all the answers. I looked out towards the front windows trying to find a calm I didn’t feel.

“F.P he though I knew” 

Her tears were surprising and silent, I responded as only I could right now, getting her something to soak them up. All I found was a clean dishtowel; she took my inappropriate offering and gave me a smile of pained remembrance.

“My parents had been furious, it was one thing to waste a couple years with an unsuitable man,… but children and marriage are forever” she laughed sickly both of us knew this wasn’t the case

“They had screamed and made threats when I fell in love with F.P, but a baby…” she looked at me desperate for my understanding, “Polly was something they could take away”

“Take Polly?” my anger clear in my voice.

“The Serpents back then, was no place for children, and my parents had cultivated some relationships with high end city officials, they at least convinced me that they could.” She used the towel to dab her eyes “Club life was not compatible with a baby” 

I thought of Jughead being raised in that place, and how much it must have changed. No one would accuse it of not being family friendly now. I wondered if this was due to the purposeful maneuvering of one man that lost so much or another that knew first hand that it was no place for children.

“So you married dad, Hal?” angry that he held a title he didn’t deserve.

She fiddled in her lap not looking up, “He already had a reputation, a couple incidents hushed up. No loving North side family would have given their daughter to him.” But of course hers had. It all seemed unreal like a story

“Had F.P known about Hals reputation?’’ I had a hard time believing Hal had survived if he had.

“Not at first…. not until it was too late, after Hals fear of F.P was the only thing that stopped him... before the moved."

“Why would The Jones move next door…” then I realized that it must have been so that F.P could be in a little way, apart of Polly’s life. The more important question was, “Mom why did we move away? Did you have an affair?” I remembered the two figures outside the car yelling in the rain, Polly sleeping in the seat beside me.

“Betty of course not.” her old prim and proper voice coming out. 

“Then what, something must have happened?” I couldn’t let it go, that decision that I have never understood changed my entire life. Maybe if we hadn’t left I…

“You have no idea what it was like raising you and your sister with Hal when the man I loved was next door with his family…. with someone else.” Our breaths simultaneously hitched in shared pain. She was right I couldn’t imagine such a thing.

She looked ahead at nothing, “It was just a moment, I ruined our lives in one stupid moment. F.P was cleaning our eves, your father was useless at helping around the house, and when F.P came down the ladder I kissed him. Forgetting for a moment he wasn’t mine to kiss. As if no time had passed at all” she looked down at her hands rubbing them “F.P had been a gentleman and broke it off, gentle and firm. He said as much as he might want to kiss me he couldn’t … She had seen, out the window.” A deep sigh coursed through her body “That night Jughead and Jelly Bean come over for a sleep over remember?”

As if that evening would stay as strongly with a child that had no idea what was going on. Thing is I did remember, all the kids had been in our house and all the adults had been in theirs. Even though the kids mingled the adults rarely did, something I hadn’t though odd until now. 

I remember Jughead and me in my parents’ bedroom looking out the window, because it was the only one on the second floor that looked towards the Jones house. Listening to raised voices in the dark, even then, in mutual confusion, Jughead had stroked my hair comforting, our hands seeking the others out as they always seemed to do so easily. Sharing between us another secret, this one not solved until now. Maybe Jughead knew I thought maybe he had known then he was always smart and observant as a kid. Perhaps he had made sense of that night I had all but forgotten.

Shortly after the sleepover it was announced that we were moving. I had never realized the correlation before. “Why are we the ones that had to move?” I said angry, I was being petty and small long after it was too late to cast a vote.

My words brought my mother out of her thoughts “I was the one that transgressed, besides your father refused to stay. He threatened to take you with him, It was the only way” I remember how unified they had seemed in the move, standing before me and Polly in the living room selling us the lie. My mother holding that man’s hand not a hair out of place, smiling while her heart was breaking, like it had many times before.

“I’m sorry” I couldn’t do anything to change the past and even if we could go back I was an ignorant girl that wasn’t strong enough to help.

My mother had been blackmailed and used; most of her life was pain and hurting. A rage settled in me, no more, I would protect her for the rest of her life. She would know safety and security. I’d work hard at the shop repair cars on the side id give my mother a good life if it killed me, it’s what she deserved. In this small way maybe I could make amends.

“It’s over mom no one can take us. You can be with F.P … if you want. I’ll rent us a nice house when the baby comes, I promise mom”

My mother laughed bitterly “You want to fill our life with things that can be taken away. It can always be taken away Elisabeth, there are no guarantees.” her jaded logic washed over me and I was surprised how it matched my own scars. Even at our worst I had never seen her this stark, this defeated viewpoint was startling and unsettling. If my mother had lost hope… I gazed at the women who I’m not sure I ever really knew she probably always felt this but didn’t show it for our good.

My voice would not have been heard across a table at Pops but in the stillness of this morning she heard me clearly, “Mother I would kill anyone who tries.” It was my mother’s turn to be startled. Her eyes, the same color as mine, studied me, when she nodded I knew she accepted the truth. I examined the rage that grew in me; if someone tried to take one second of happiness from my mother they would find me there to stop them.

“We are going to be fine, Elisabeth” she reached over and patted my hand. I don’t know if she was really starting to believe it or was sliding back to her old ways, either way I would make sure we were.

 

For the rest of the morning I helped mom with the paper, it was Saturday but there was a lot to sort out and plan. She was trying to decide if firing would help or just get in new blood. Our issue came out yesterday, and a look at our last edition was sobering, what wasn’t badly written was at best uninteresting. 

Jughead found us a noon, he brought food. I’m not sure if he remembered comfort food was the way to my heart or if he just stumbled upon it, either way he looked amazing in dark clothes, tussled hair, holding the takeout bag from Pops.  
Him and my mother exchanged pleasantries, as I muttered a greeting and took the offered food back to the table I was working at. I wolfed down the burger and fries in as ladylike a manner as possible.

I hadn’t thought to eat anything yet; mom was taking healthy bites between smiling and talking to our irritating benefactor. I pretended that the pile of papers I was sorting was far too important to join in. Jughead didn’t push or call me out on being a coward he just looked genuinely happy to talk with my mom. 

After we had eaten though, he approached me in my self-exile. When I saw him in my peripheral my body tensed.  
“Hey Beautiful” he said it in a low deep voice that struck me to the core, followed by a shiver that wasn’t cold. I looked up at him expecting a smirk, expecting that he would know how he affected me but he looked anything but smug. “Here’s your phone and keys” he took them out of his pocket and lay them on the desk” “I would have brought them sooner if I’d noticed.” 

“Thanks” I said holding this awkward moment not knowing what else to say.

“Can we go for a walk?” he asked. I didn’t want to but I didn’t want to make a scene or worry my mother. 

“ let me just plug in my phone”

 

We walked down the street looking like two relatively normal people in an equally normal situation. He spoke first “Club meeting is tomorrow night. You are going to be introduced before The Pit as a Friend of The Snake.” his voice was serious and gruff “Will you come?” the vulnerable underneath his question was barely noticeable, but to ask a person of free will anything held the possibility that they might reject you. This wasn’t just one question or invitation to a social event; he was asking if I would still be a part of his life and his family. 

I walked in silence, I loved club life, the belonging and having a group watch each other’s backs. I already deeply cared for some of the club members but accepting would mean something and there would be a price. Jughead gave me distance as we continued to walk in silence, going down Main that was both familiar and drastically not familiar at all.

“What about the other thing?” I took a deep breath knowing a lot depended on his answer, “Will you tell them I’m your Old Lady?” If he pushed this I knew something in me would today or someday cut and run. I had agreed in sexual bliss but I couldn’t belong to someone else, I didn’t even have myself back in one piece. He didn’t know what he was seeking when he said he wanted me. 

His response wasn’t what I wanted. “Betty you are mine, we can wait on declaring it but…” 

I stopped walking “I’m not yours Jughead” I didn’t want to be mean but I needed to be clear. I glared at him to accept the truth of this.

He stood towering over me, his shoulders heaving silence, and just as I hoped and dreaded that he had accepted my words I was pushed up against a store wall. The shock and the force took the air from my lungs. His body held mine against his and the paint at my back as I tried to catch a breath. 

His voice low each word sure, a heartbeat of sound between my noisy drawing of air, “Betty let’s not pretend. I told you I don’t let go of what is mine, that which I’ve claimed” he pressed closer burning my entire length. “I know I could get you to bend to that truth, this morning” he put his lips on my neck and kissed. I jerked at the sensitive contact. His voice a whisper on my skin “You have been hurt, you’re scared, but we are each other’s and there is no coming back from that”

I knew he was right my body, already wet, was ready to submit even here on Main Street. I wouldn’t deny him, but he was asking for more than just my body, he wanted things I couldn’t hope to give.

His head pulled back and I looked into his eyes, so close to mine “Dont push me” it was meant as a threat even though it was unclear even to me, but it worked. He pulled away as if pained; my lungs dragged deeply of the air, leaning on the wall for support. My breathing was embarrassingly hard while he looked cold and unaffected as if what happened hadn’t just happened, his eyes penetrating looking for the truth.

The silence lasted, I was aware of people passing probably wondering about our odd game of wills. Neither of us willing to give in, I knowing if I failed I would completely lose myself again and him maybe just afraid.

In the end our stalemate was broken by an outsider “Betty Cooper?”

“Fuck” I said under my breath, a hand reach out in my peripheral and grabbed my arm. I didn’t miss the snarl on Jugheads face, he looked ready to attack. 

“Jughead” a warning that came out as a weak gasp, but he stopped.

“No Betty its Archie, oh Jughead I didn’t see… you there” What he saw made his voice drop. I don’t know how Archie had missed him; Jughead seemed to take up the whole street.

I yanked my arm away before Jughead did something stupid and I looked over at the new intruder. Archie I thought blinking at him, I’m not sure if I would have recognized him in passing but now that I knew it was Archie, Archie was all I could see. He was dressed sharply, his red hair short, it had darkened since we were kids. That or he dyed it the thought came to me unbidden.

Archie however was not looking at me, it seems like he had replaced me in the test of wills. “Hey Archie” I said in my best fake voice. Did this sound like someone bumping into an old friend I wondered? Archie didn’t seem to notice the strain. “Betty hey” he said slowly turning his attention back to me. A smile took over his face when he settled on me, it was a smile that a man gives to a women. Thankfully Jughead couldn’t see from his angle. 

“Here I am” continuing my fake smile

“Yes you are. I heard that you were back, how you are?” he asked. 

I started to say the rehearsed lines that I had prepared the many pleasantries that would waste time and deflect, I opened my mouth but they didn’t come out. With Jughead here to witness I just couldn’t, his presence made it fake and vile. “I’m great, what about you?” I managed before the silence got awkward; I got Archie to talk about himself and his family for a bit while we both did our best to ignore my bodyguard. 

“Do you want to go get a coffee?” Archie asked shooting a quick look to Jughead. He was the master of fake smiling as well I saw.

I was trying to think up a quick excuse when Jughead the golem spoke ‘She’s busy” 

Archie glanced to Jughead irritation showing around the edges of his smile “I was thinking maybe tomorrow…”

“Still busy” Jughead crossed his arms, after giving his verdict.

“This weekend?” Archie turned completely to face Jughead; I wasn’t even in the conversation.

Jughead voice was icy cold “You're a smart guy I think you can guess the answer”, they were doing a really good job at looking like two animal suitors battling in mating ritual, and it was pissing me off.

 

I needed to do something, “How about dinner on Monday?” I yelled a little too loudly, angry at both of them.  
Two sets of eyes turned to me with surprise, perhaps that I had spoken or exisited at all, it was clear this was dick measuring that had nothing to do with me. We all just looked at each other for a moment, it was obvious I had derailed things and Archie hadn’t even accepted my offer.

“You know what….” I paused fuming “Just fuck both of you.” Archie looked stunned and Jughead stoic as usual, it just made me madder. I turned to head back to The Register. 

Archie’s incredulous voice made my fists clench as I walked away, “Betty Cooper just swore at me” 

“Fucking men” I yelled back

The last thing I heard was from Jughead “Not her name”

 

My mother wisely didn’t comment when she saw how angry I was, on my return. I hate to say that she even looked vaguely amused by it, so much for her not being able to handle tension between me and Jughead, none of it helped me get my emotions under control.

I set myself the task of sorting through the rest of the mess that was the filing cabinets and before I knew it the sun was low in the sky, causing the light to slant into the large front windows of The Register. The work had calmed me and been a welcome distraction.

Looking at the archives room which was now neat with organized files gave me a sense of accomplishment I wanted to get use to again. I came out to ask mom what she wanted to order in, since the money from the club gave us some leeway when I was stopped short by a familiar leather jacket. 

This time however it was the father not the son. I deepen my breathing and told my heart to settle down. He and my mother were talking lowly by her newly claimed office, they looked happy and… innocent. As they might have when young and in love, as if all that they had been through hadn’t happened. My mother was smiling in such a way that made it hard to recognise her, I was an intruder and even though part of me wanted to surge forward and protect her I stopped myself. My mother had been right, to have anything meant to lose, but the only way to have anything was through risk.

“Elisabeth” my mother’s voice drew me back from the fear and sorrow that had made its home in my body.

“Yes” I answered tenitively not sure to approach. She motioned so I did

F.P smiled warmly as if we hadn’t had an incredibly awkward morning. His smile turned when I reached them into a slight frown “Reaper, I’m sorry for revealing to you what wasn’t mine to share. I’ve apologized to your mother already.” Looking at the women he motioned to who did not seem surprised by my new nickname or this man at all, but I was. Surprised because I still wasn’t use to men apologizing, and it was happening with quite regularity. 

“Don’t worry about it” I offered wanting mostly to stop talking about it. F.P smiled. “I’ve also told your mother about a house that you guys can have, it’s not in the best repair currently but with some time and the clubs focus it should be in shape before long” 

“What” My mind reeled at the offer and the price.

“There is a house on the lot beside the auto shop that came with the sale. It’s not being lived in; you guys can have it”

It seemed like both a tremendous offer in an utterly suspiciously wrapped package. My mother’s motto now running through my head “...can be taken away... can be taken away” 

Unfortunately for F.P this day had set me up to be on the offensive, “And what happens when you get bored with your old flame? Will we be thrown out?” I asked in a far to sweet voice with matching smile. I genuinely wanting to know, but it came from an impure place inside of me. A place that knows a thing or two about the rug being pulled, where men are not to be trusted, where a man could and would change his mind. 

“Elisabeth!” my mother angrily tried to hush me, but I ignored her and pressed on “What happens if my mother decides that she wants to let the past, stay in the past or if I….” I paused thinking about Jughead which added depth to my voice “What happens if I stay single or date someone from “Out of town”, my euphemism for another gang thinly veiled, “ or for that matter get with someone else “in town”. What changes then, what’s taken away then F.P?” 

I tried to keep the emotion out of my voice, and I managed but my every word was motivated by pain and F.P being a decent guy smiled at me sadly, seeming to see. He didn’t try to convince, dismiss, or deceive. And deceiving would be him making promises. Because promises were things that my mother and I have known well, in our bones and scarred hearts, promises don’t hold when push comes to shove. 

We keep to our words, we would die keeping them, but with others they melt away into nothing. The men in our lives had been full of promises, words, and vows that washed away because of a little rain, let alone a storm.

F.P decided instead to speak with action “I’ll give you the title to the house tomorrow in your mother’s name, and the club will have people cleaning and fixing it up on Monday”

I took a deep breath as if I breathed out all the stress of the last decade. He was serious I could see it.

“Thank you” 

“No need, it’s the least I could do. Besides you might not like this but it was Jugheads idea.” He looked sad on saying it “Leave it to my boy to know the importance of a home”. I was surprised by the guilt in F.P voice not once when Jughead had talked about growing up at the club was there a hint of blame on F.P even though it had been because of his incarceration.

Remembering my accusation of Jughead this morning, of him not thinking of the future and where my family was going to live made me cringe.

“Elisabeth” my mother’s voice even again as if I hadn’t just accosted her lost love a moment ago “F.P invited me out to supper and I would like to agree. I didn’t hear if you had plans yet, but your sister…” she left it unsaid but meant that someone had to stay with my sister. We could only be down here without her because our apartment stairs creaked like crazy when someone went on them.

“No plans” I said which was information of interest to F.P as well, I could see in his face. I ignored him and wanted to make up a lie about a date with a Ghoule but I wouldn’t rob my mother of her night out.

Instead I focused on my mother, “Did you want me to phone those journalists we talked about and see if they are available for a column” I looked over at the clock on the wall, it wasn’t too late to call and we needed to get some good writers if the newspaper was going be something we wanted to call ours.

It was F.P that answered, “Have you asked Jughead, I’m sure he would be interested in writing, if it helps”

I looked at F.P, there was so much wrong with his statement I didn’t know where to start. 

“Why would Jug…” I started suspicious

“No, we haven’t” my mother interjected she didn’t seem to think F.Ps statement was odd, she avoided my seeking eyes. I took in her face trying to find a clue to this riddle I had unsuspectedly walked into. I turned back to F.P more forceful, “Why would we ask Jughead?” Jug and I had gone over a somewhat detailed summary of the last decade, and nothing Jughead told me would suggest why his father was offering him up for a writing position.

F.P was also taking in my mother and me, he shook his head “Twice in one day, that’s got to be some kind of record.” he continued to look at my mother.

“Mother” I said in the same tone she would say Elisabeth

“Do you remember that book I tried to get you to read a few years ago” she started 

“Which one?” I said tenitively looking through my memory for the clue to make this make sense. Trying to come up with a memory that fit that description, not that mother was a big reader but she would suggest the occasional book because she knew I enjoyed reading.

She smiled that nervous smile I knew well, “12 rules to the insurgent life”

I remembered the book but I had never gotten around to reading it, it was huge. Cult sensation, Bestseller lists for months and months, talked about by everyone. From what I remember hearing about the book it sounded like something Jughead might have written but I knew he hadn’t.

“But that wasn’t Jughead that author had an odd name….” pausing to remember 

“Forsythe Pendleton Jones III” it was F.P that spoke 

“Ya” I said in a rush of victory and satisfaction that comes in remembering something almost lost. F.P looked at me patiently. “What….” I tilted my head to see what F.P wasn’t saying. F.P short for something…abbreviation, for fucking Forsythe Pendleton. I was stunned; it felt exactly like it did when I found out rice krispes were actually made out of rice.

I looked back at my mother, for some reason it felt like betrayal” Did you know? How long did you know? 

“ Of course I knew Elisabeth it was his name” and she would have known that, because she loved F.P and F.P had at one point told her his real name, where Jughead had never told me his.

What I wanted to do was leave, track Jughead or Forsythe or whoever the fuck, yell at him for not telling me the truth, and hold this in his face as proof that he was not to be trusted. I wanted to unleash my anger on him like a wave of justfied wrath that he couldn’t escape from. But it wouldn’t matter my rage, my being right and justified, in the end I would be weak and it would only lead to me being kissed and captured again, drawn back into his web and arms, so I looked out our big window, to the south and let it go. 

Instead I told my mother to have fun and watched her go out the front door as they eagerly got into F.P ordinary looking grocery getter. I smile slightly at my newly acquired vocabulary. I locked up the back door of The Register, walked past Jugheads car, and went upstairs. Wondering what we should order and that tonight would be the first in my own bed; it took me a moment to register the eerier quiet of the apartment. My sister was many things but quiet wasn’t usually one of them. 

“Polly?” a moments search revealed that the apartment was indeed empty, this was my fault. When? I wondered. We had been downstairs for hours, by now she could be anywhere. How did she get down the stairs without us hearing her? I didn’t have F.P’s number; I didn’t know what to do. The helplessness of the situation washed over me, I had already failed a couple days and I had already failed. I took out my phone, and only paused for a moment before phoning him. 

“What’s wrong?” just like every other time I’d ever heard Jughead on the phone he got right to the point. I was too freaked out to be warmed by the fact that he knew well enough to know I wouldn’t be phoning unless it was important.

“She’s gone, Polly”  
His silence asked for more 

“Her ex, the father of the baby is…was … is in a club, not like yours a thug gang. Heavy in drugs, before…. He has beaten her before badly, angry guy. I don’t think it will matter to him that she didn’t come willingly, I think he’ll blame her for taking what’s his, the baby and she’s stupid enough to go back” the last line hit too close to home because even though my ex never hit me I had gone back lots myself. 

“I’ll pick you up in five” then the line went dead.


	9. my darling) I fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Betty and Jughead go to get Polly
> 
> Warning to the brave souls that continue here: This is a super dark chapter, void of feel goods moments. Chose wisely when to delve in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did an internet search and realised that The Barbarians are already a motorcycle club. I mean absolutely no disrespect to the actual Barbarians by my possibly unflattering fictional group.
> 
> I would change the name but anything I come up with will be taken, unless I want to come up with something not very badass like The Fluffy Bunnies…. Quick check on internet has revealed that Fluffy Bunnies is not a motorcycle club name and I haven’t offended a whole other group.
> 
> The true inspiration for the name come from glancing down at my coffee table at a poem/book called “A Breakfast for Barbarians” by Gwendolyn Macewan who is a Canadian Writer/Poet. I’ll post her poem at the end if I remember and if that’s not breaking some law.

It took a moment before my brain took over. Running to my room I packed some clothes, both mine and Polly’s. I didn’t know if she had taken any, I didn’t know anything and pretending to be prepare helped.

Rushing to the kitchen i grabbed a paper and pen to write a note to mom. I had planned on telling the truth, but thought better of it. So I came up with the most convincing lie I could think of. I told her we went with Toni to have a sleepover to give Mom some privacy. I said we would call tomorrow, that would give us some time, at least.

Shortly after I heard the rumble of a motorcycle coming up the street, I quickly put on my leather jacket, and tied my loose hair into a braid.

Jughead ran up the stairs to the apartment; I hadn’t bothered to lock the door because of the supper I had planned to order. We looked at each other a moment before he crossed the small kitchen and took me into his arms. I didn’t protest because it’s exactly what I had wanted him to do. Jug kissed my head “We’ll get her back, you should have told me I could have dealt with this sooner.” 

It was a soft reprimand with no bite, and to tell the truth it had never occurred to me to tell him, It was our history not his. I don’t know if I would ever get use to this man taking responsibility for me, protecting me. “It wasn’t your business to know” I said keeping my voice even, making distance where I didn’t want it. Jughead looked down at me clearly disagreeing but didn’t say anything. 

I looked away suddenly full of shame, it wasn’t his business until I needed him to come fix everything, why couldn’t I just be grateful and normal? “I’m sorry, I just meant” I started awkwardly, “I didn’t want to bother you with it, I thought … I thought I could handle it”

Jughead nodded his expression serious I’m not sure if it was due to what I had said or the situation. “What gang is this guy in?” he came right to the point

I drew in a breath changing gears from emotional to practical “Barbarians, I did some digging after my sister, after the first time. The little I got confirmed that they were not nice guys.” I finished looking back up at him. His face was anything but calm, “Do you know about them?” I asked immediately criticising myself for the stupid question, of course Jughead would know about this dangerous gang, that had a psychopath for a leader, just hours from his door. 

Jugheads nod confirmed it, he looked down at me severe “Betty, I’d deal with this but you are not coming.” 

I was taken aback “What? I have to”.

Jughead looked at me silently for a moment “These guys don’t respect women or life.” He shook his head gripping my shoulders “On the large scale of clubs out there, these guys are at the top for violence.” I shook my head not understanding. “These guys move a lot of drugs, pimp out their women for money, or favors and do not hesitant when someone gets in their way. Killing for them is often a first resort" 

“So what the Ghoulies…” 

“These guys are nothing like the Ghoulies” He spit out, he was angry. 

I nodded thinking about Malachai, “These guys would do the cutie thing” I said it above a whisper

Jughead stiffen beside me “Ya, these guys would do the cutie thing, and more”

I lay my hand gently on his chest the jersey dark t-shirt soft under my fingers. “Jughead I’m coming, I’ll do whatever you want in way of protection but I’m coming. If you want me to be a part of this life then you can’t just shield me from it, not when my sister is already out there with them”

He wasn’t happy; his hand ran slowly through his hair. “What’s this piece of shits name?” it wasn’t evident in his tone but Jughead body was tense with rage.

“Rocco something”  
“Do you have my car keys?” 

“Oh ya” I said surprised thinking we were going to take his bike, I moved down the hall back into my room. Looking through the clothes on the floor for the sweats Jughead had leant me because they were in the pocket. Getting the keys out I realised that we needed the car for Polly, when we got her back. Good thing one of us was thinking I though walking back to the kitchen. 

When I turned the corner Jughead was on the phone “See to it” he said before hanging up. I handed him the single key. When you don’t lock your house and the bar is always open, I guess it was the only one that he needed on a daily basis.

“Let’s go” he said leading me out, of course going down the stairs ahead of me. We got into his car without a word and Jughead drove us to the Worm. “What are we doing here?” I said looking out the window a little angry that we were wasting time in the one place I knew Polly wasn’t.

Jughead got out ignoring me and I followed him like a sheep into the bar. Toni was coming down the stairs when we came in, Jughead didn’t even pause going up the stairs past her. I looked at his retreating form confused and a little hurt. Toni looked at me with pity and I realised that she knew about Polly already.

“Come on” she said leading me back up. At the top of the stairs there was a long hallway with many doors, I didn’t see which one Jughead went in but Toni stopped at one and turned the knob.

It was a medium size bedroom with an adjacent bathroom. I looked around; it was tastefully decorated with native artwork, a couple of black and whites photographs and an extremely comfortable looking brown leather comforter with a black leather jacket on it. 

Toni walked over to a large closet that took up most of the back wall, as I walked closer to the jacket on the bed. It was laid out perfectly, purposeful, front facing up. I approached as if it was a wild thing, cautiously, as if I could sense it before I read the name on the left breast. It said Jones in off white letters as if it had been in the sun too long, the only other patch I could see was a black heart along the bottom. “What is this?!” I asked angry though it wasn’t a question I already knew what it was, it was too small for F.P or Jughead.

Toni holding a black dress and some shoes turned to me obviously confused by my tone. What she did next caught me by surprise, she smiled taking everything in. “Well it’s our Vice President roundabout way of proposing, what else could it be?” She was laughing at me. I didn’t think it was a proposal but I had thought it was some kind of trick but clearly from Toni response I was way off. 

Thankfully she didn’t keep me waiting in suspense, “It’s Jughead's retired cut from when he was a scrawny teenager, before he earned his colors as a member. I took it out of storage, we are going to need it” she said going back to the closet and opening a drawer.

I picked up the leather jacket and turned it around; on the back was the familiar picture of a snake eating its tail, with two other patches that read Southside and Serpents. “Why do we need it?” I asked no longer sure what to think.

“Because you going to need protection when we go into Barbarian territory and that “she pointed to the jacket “will give it to you”

I thought back to Jughead’s talk about cut etiquette. Isn’t it disrespectful to wear someone else jacket?” 

Toni came towards me with clothes in her arms, “Usually, but you have earned the patches as a Friend of the Snake, and tonight is life and death. Strip" she demanded smiling. 

I put the jacket back down on the bed and took off my own leather one, setting them side by side for a moment before moving to pick Jughead’s back up but Toni’s voice stopped me “Nope everything but your underwear unless that too is decidedly unsexy” Toni said laughing. 

I realised now who the clothes in her hands was for, “Toni I don’t have time for this my sister…” 

“is in the clutches of some evil guy I know, but what you are going to be dealing with tonight is men and this outfit is your war paint, and battle armor all rolled into one” she picked up the dress holding it out to me “you’ll need power tonight and this outfit is going to do it, I’m arming you to the teeth babe.”

I gave in, and quickly took off my clothes as Toni tried her best to not look. I turned it around on her “Why aren’t you showing all your skin then?” 

“Because tonight I’m a soldier and that outfit isn’t the most flexible” I paused taking in her words really thinking about what this night might mean, that there might be fighting, that someone from the club might get hurt. To emphasis the point Toni went to a separate dresser and took out two guns. Her voice got cold somber, “There isn’t anything Jughead wouldn’t give you, even the cut off his back if it protected you. You know that right?” 

I put on the black net panty hose “I...” I didn’t know what to say but before I got it out Toni walked away to the bathroom and I put on the rest of the outfit. It all fit which made sense because we were about the same size but it was all very much not me. 

Along with the stockings there was a tight sleeveless black dress, stilettos that I couldn’t wear and long silver ropes of chains that took me a second to figure out. “Toni I can’t walk in these heels, can you?” I asked surprised 

Toni came out with a makeup bag smiling ear to ear, “You would be surprised at all the things I can do”, she left the bag on the bed and went back to the closet “How about this?” she said taking out two knee high boots with a reasonable heel. Without a word I reached out my hand and she delivered them.

“Now for the finishing touch” she said holding up the serpent jacket after I put on the boots. I stood up and took a breath, mine or not I knew this was an important moment. I slung the jacket around my back like I've seen Jughead do , feeding my arms in the sleeves. I'm not sure how bad ass I looked but I felt it. “Perfect” Toni smiled at me and it did fit fairly well just a little short in the sleeves. “Now I’ll just do at bit of makeup and we will be set”

When we descended the stairs there was a hush that fell over the group standing at the bottom, everyone was looking at me. Toni whispered in my ear,” You look great. Don’t worry”. I took a deep breath and walked down, had I been wearing the stiletto’s I would have fallen already. The crowd parted and I got a really good look at what Jughead thought, he was furious. 

“I told you to get her my jacket” he said to Toni irritation coming off of his tense body.

“What are you saying, she doesn’t look nice?” Toni had him there. Jughead moved closer as we reached the bottom.

His eyes were on me but they didn’t look kind, nothing in him was soft right now. His answer was curt “That is not the point”

Joaquin came up beside Jughead a huge smile on his face “You look amazing, Betty.” I think he was trying to defuse the tense in the room and in Jughead.

Jughead shot him a death look but Joaquin just laughed putting his hands up “Speaking from a purely platonic viewpoint of course.” I could see Sweet Pea behind Joaquin clearly appreciating my outfit in an purely unplatonic way his mouth opened to say something but I cut him off.

“Can we get out of here? My sister is missing so who really cares what I’m wearing?”

Jughead nodded his tone stern when he addressed the group of club members behind him that were all men. “Move out,” I was surprised that so many were coming. “Topaz you’re with me, I’d like a word” he finished his temper clear then he grabbed me around the waist possessively and lead me out towards the car. There were now more cars then when we first got here and it looked like about 15 of us going, some got in the vehicles others on their bikes. The bikes were the first out of the parking lot and we all followed us in the middle.

It was clear we knew where we were going, well everyone but me. I sat in the passenger’s seat giving Jughead a cursory look, with his Serpent jacket in place and foul mood he looked every bit the ruthless V.P, he sifted the stick to a higher gear as we got on the road. This was the guy that no one wanted to mess with, the car was heavy with silence even Toni in the back didn’t break it. 

“Where are we going?” I asked after some time when the silence got to me. Jughead didn’t take his eyes off the road 

“Barbarians Home Chapter” Jughead stated 

“I don’t know what chapter he's from” I started

“He’ll be there” his voice was sure, expecting full compliance. I certainly didn’t question it and we continued to ride in silence. Despite Jugheads threat of telling Topaz off he didn’t, I watched the dark road and vehicles lights ahead of us willing the time to go by.

Once we got to the city limits, I started to get nervous, I didn’t want to ever come back here and I’d only been gone a few days. My shifting in my seat was noticed my Jughead he cast me a look and reached out taking my hand, offering the first softness since he found out the name of Rocco club. "I’ll protect you. You know that right” his words were comforting which is why I felt compelled to push back, his words made me feel too vulnerable, they were too real.

“You mean this jacket will protect me, don’t you” I scoffed in ill humor looking down at it, “I mean who am I supposed to be anyway?” gesturing to the Jones patch “your sister?” I looked over to Jughead who scowled, Toni burst into laughter in the back . I had forgotten for a moment that she was there. 

“One look at how Jughead is around you and not one of those guys, not even the less bright blubs, are going to buy a sister cover. I’m afraid its wife or nothing” she laughter seemed out of place with us in the front.

I turned to her accusingly remembering what I had thought in her bedroom. I was about to tell her off when Jughead voice cut through the car, “Topaz I’m done with your games for the night” Back was the cold Vice President. Toni immediately went silence. He then glanced over at me but his voice was still cold, “It’s none of their business what our relationship is, you are wearing the Jones name, that’s enough for them to respect” 

I took a deep breath.

He didn’t speak again until sometime later when we started to slowed down; “This is it” We were in an industrial area with large warehouses. Jughead turned into a parking lot of a large silver building and parked, despite it being in a commercial setting the lot was packed with, vehicles and bikes. 

Jughead surveyed everything outside then turned that scrutiny on me while turning off the car and leaving us in relative silence. “Topaz get out” he said still looking at me and even though I didn’t break Jug head’s gaze I heard her obey unquestioned.

His face was hard even though his eyes held concern, “You stay by my side the entire time and don’t speck unless directed by either me or their president. If you can’t swear to follow me on this 100 percent I am sending you back with Topaz right now” his tone was fury, he looked like he had with our run in with the Ghoulies he was afraid for me. “These guys don’t give second chances, do you understand me” I could tell he both wanted to warn me and keep me from the ugliness of it. This was a rare case where it was best to assume the worse.

“I understand and I promise” there was no way I was going home if my sister was with this guy. Jughead gaze bore into me as if he was trying to find the truth, but he nodded and opened the door. “Stay in, I’ll open your door” it was curt and a command and I frown thinking of getting out myself but I didn’t want to go home and I had just said I would obey.

He came around and opened my door and I got out without too much trouble, but glad for the dark. There is an art to getting out of a vehicle in this kind of outfit and not knowing it meant I showed more then was decent.

Jughead’s arm gasped my waist securely as we walked towards the building, Toni and the rest of the crew behind us. There were four patched guys by the front doors smoking that could not help but notice our arrival; they walked towards us bravely before we reached the door. 

“I’m here to see Gun” Jughead tone was civil but didn't leave any room for them to say no. The guy in front nodded looking us all over and walked to the door himself opening it for us. Jughead went in first pulling me closely behind him; inside was a board looking young guy leaning against a second door to what I assumed was the main building.

The guy at the door stood straight when he saw Jughead and me come through, his eyes went wide at Jughead and we walked forward Jughead going toe to toe with the kid that didn’t look over 18, he was sweating bullets. Jughead just looked at him not saying a word. I expected him to repeat his explanation of seeing this guy Gun, but he didn’t. I could hear the room filling behind us with our guys.

The kid was transfixed, as if Jughead’s look had turned him to stone, he was clearly terrified. I stepped forward “Can you please let us in” I said in my most nonthreating voice. It took him a moment to look towards me “I...yes… of course” he said opening the door and stepping aside. We moved forward and Jughead looked at me in warning “Me or the president” he said again through his teeth.

“Ok “I said apologetically “you were scaring him”

Jughead looked away “He’s a prospect that needs to learn a lesson about respect.”

The main room was open, like a regular warehouse floor, accept that this one was set up much like our place: tables, games and a long bar. Our presence was clearly noted perhaps even expected as we walking forward and was meet by a tall friendly looking blonde guy. Jughead let go of my wrist to clasp forearms with the good-looking biker, like I’ve seen him do with his own men. Clearly they knew each other and were on friendly terms.

“Gun” Jughead said in greeting  
“Jughead, glad to have you back” Gun said

To say I was surprised would be an understatement, Toni came up beside me as Jughead and this guy talked to each other. “Close your mouth” she warned in a low voice and even though my mouth wasn’t open I took the advice and turned my fake smile on her. “I would appreciate an explanation” I asked but Toni didn’t even look at me, she took in the room.

I looked back over at Gun and his eyes took me and my jacket in but his gaze didn’t linger. He didn’t ask for an introduction and he wasn’t offered one.

“Where’s F.P?” Gun asked as he surveyed the rest of our group.

“He's not here” Jughead said coldly. Gun nodded as if that was information enough, whatever soft feelings they had shared now they were all business.

“Come on through” Gun said walking away 

Jughead turned motioning to Fangs and Sweet pea to come with us as we followed Gun. I looked around desperate for any sign of my sister or Rocco, but the place was packed and Gun took us up metal grated stairs to a second floor that almost wrapped around the main room on all sides

Gun and another Barbarian walked in front of us so I got a good look of their back patches which were two menacing crossed Viking axes, and like the Serpents there were a three piece patch club. The top said Barbarians and the bottom New York, with the smaller MC to finish it off. We were being lead to a large box room, I looked out at the crowd beneath but I couldn’t see Polly. 

Inside was a long table with chairs and little else, no windows and only one door. Gun motioned for us to take a seat as him and the other guy sat on the other side, there was a Barbarian that must have been behind us coming up the stairs that stood behind me in front of the door. I didn’t like having a guy at my back but when Jughead putted out a seat for me, I sat down.

While Jughead was getting in his own chair, Gun looked me over more closely the whole outfit this time, he smiled clearly impressed with what he saw but wasn’t crude or disrespectfully. I wanted to push back or say something sarcastic but Jughead’s warning had been clear. 

When Jughead was ready Guns attention turned back to him, he didn’t address me, and again offered no introduction. I really was just arm candy I thought bitterly because other then appreciative looks from the other side of the table I was ignored. Which seemed crazy because she was my sister and I was more then use to handling my own problems, but here I was to be seen not heard. A classic Victorian situation, where I was completely dependant on the men in my life, I never wanted to be in that situation again.

Sweet Pea sat to my right and Jughead to my left, where Fangs was I had no idea maybe he was waiting outside. Gun spoke first “You didn’t say much on the phone” I looked down at his front patches: Slater, Barbarians, President, New York.

Jughead took the opening gesturing to me “Reapers sister Polly is pregnant by one of your men, Rocco Bowdry. He’s got a history of beating her, and we want to make sure that she’s in the same state we left her” He said calmly so emotionless, I kept my own face clear to match.

Gun looked at me and I held his eyes, but when he spoke it wasn’t to me “Well that explains why you asked for him to be here.” he gestured over my shoulder and I heard the door open then close. 

“The Serpents are our allies. I can appreciate your old lady wanting to look after her sister, but if what you say is true then she Rocco’s to handle as he pleases” His tone sounded so matter of fact and pragmatic. He honestly acted like that was a reasonably thing to say, as if beating my sister within an inch of her life was fully within Rocco’s rights. It was only Jughead squeezing my thigh that stopped me from giving that “reasonable” statement a piece of my mind.

Jughead continued, “Its more complicated, Polly is blood bound to the Serpents and has been since birth” Gun eyes widened in surprise.

“Yes, I guess it is.” Gun said after a moment 

The door opened behind us and I half turned seeing the man that’s had left, leading Rocco to the opposite side of the table. Rocco looked confused but was acting tough, that is until he saw me. Then he got a smirk that said he remembered me and in no way was worried. I was so focused on Rocco that I didn’t notice when an older Barbarian joined the other side causing Gun to get out of his seat and move one over to the right. A quick glance at his cut told me what I needed to know President was clear on his jacket. 

He had some silver in his hair, an easy smile but his eyes had a deadness that I have rarely seen in life. His presence was one that took up the whole room. I have never seen a picture, but I knew exactly who he was, Liam Doyle. People in New York whispered about his deeds and the men that he had killed like hunted tales, but what I found the scariest was that for all the things he had done him never seem to do time for any of it. They called him The Irish Angel of Death.

“Guests and I’m naht ‘ere to greet you, apologies” he sat down taking us in “Aye just caught up with Troper” he gestured to the guy standing at the door.” Seems dat we ‘ave a problem involving yer wan’s sister”, he looked at me and I awkwardly met his burning gaze. I would have appreciated his beautiful accent if it wasn’t coming from a man that wasn’t terrifying. 

His hard eyes took me in not seeing a person, or even a women, not something of worth just maybe something to be used. I was looking into the eyes of an unrepentant killer, Jughead hand gripped my leg in warning or comfort I didn’t know.

Everyone on our side and theirs was still; a tension was in the air that hadn’t been there before. Jughead spoke again “We are looking for F.P’s daughter, my half-sister” the news did not go over well. Shock appeared on all their faces save Rocco’s who was just angry, “Bullshit” he spit out his face twisted.

“Rocco shut ye gob” Liam’s command shot out getting complete silence in return, everyone seemed too afraid to breath. Liam turned back to Jug, “Jughead knows better than to lie at dis table” it was a threat clear and simple. Jughead met his stony gaze not saying a word, after a while the president nodded knowing it was true. Next he turned his attention to me; I did my best to look as stony as Jughead.

Liam’s whole face changed as if he put on a different smiling mask, “My names Liam lass, what is yours” he looked almost kind. Jughead nodded in my peripheral. “Betty Copper”, I said automatically reverting back to my maiden name, forgetting for a moment the Jones on my jacket. Liam frowned as if I gave the wrong answer, which was a terrifying prospect.

“And ye mothers, what’s ‘er maiden name?” 

“Smith”, I spoke my mouth dry, “Alice Smith” this was the answer he had wanted his face broke out in a wide grin. 

“Aye, that’s the sense of it. I knew your mother once, or knew of ‘er, F.P was a fool for that one” he shook his head remembering some long forgotten memory. A moment later his face turned menacing again but thankful it wasn’t directed to me. Liam turned in his seat to look at Rocco a few seats down from him “Now, what ‘ave you got to tell em, where’s this lass?” 

With glee I looked at the squirming worm as those eyes of his leader found him. At first Rocco said nothing just Gobsmacked with Liam’s anger, reminding me of the prospect we had encountered at the door, but this time I did nothing to save him.

Liam voice got deeper his accent thicker, as he reached out farther on the table, “Ye feckin tell me right now, and it bloody better be true!” his fist came down on the table with a loud crash, I jumped in my seat.

“I...I don’t know… I haven’t seen her in weeks” Rocco was afraid. His eyes darted and his voice hitched, he clearly was not telling the truth.

“You’re lying” I accused him through clenched teeth, not able to stand it.

And just like that, as if the curtain suddenly came down on a play, we were unexpectedly thrust into a different scene. Liam slowly turned back to look at our side of the table, looking from me to Jughead, Rocco forgotten.

“I apologize Liam. She’s new to this life” Jughead turned to me rage clear in his eyes, if it hadn’t been Jughead I would be sure he was going to hit me. I looked at Liam confused, his eyes took everything in. I don’t know exactly how but I knew I had fucked up.

“No need, the lass is clearly upset about her sister” I looked back up to gage the situation but it was worse than I had suspected, any kindness that had been in his voice or face before was gone, I had overstepped. My speaking out had seemed like nothing to me but it might have made this man my enemy. He turned those killing eyes in my direction, now I knew exactly how Rocco had felt.

“To accuse a member o’ lyin, at this table is a heady offence, one almost as grave as lyin itself” He looked at Jughead then back at me in barely concealed rage. I had misunderstood I saw that now; I was nothing to this man not even a pawn. Any respect or kindness that I got was because of Jughead or maybe F.P or because sometimes we are kind to something under our feet, but me, who I was on a cellular level, meant nothing to this man. I was only tolerated within the rules of this life and I had broken them.

He stared at me for a long time and I dared not say anything not asked, I now allowed myself the fear to feel what Jughead must have this whole time, the fear for my safety. I hadn’t allowed myself to think about it while my sister was out there. I very well might be the next body that this man wouldn’t go to jail for.

When he finally spoke I was both frightened and relieved, “Do you stand by your judgement knowing that if ye are found wrong, ‘is judgement will turn to ye?” Jughead stiffen beside me, I knew he would intervene and I knew if he did we would fail. My answer came out in a rush. “I do” it came out sounding stronger then I felt. Liam nodded 

Jughead started to say something but Liam raised a hand in his direction his movement final. “So be it.” His voice closed the issue, it was the Amen at the end of a prayer, solemn and complete. “Members from yours” he nodded to Jughead “and mine will search Rocco’s house and anywhere else she might be.” 

Rocco somehow got the nerve to speak after Liam’s was done his decree, “Liam we…” but Liam stood up his glare cutting Rocco off, he was towering over us all.

“Not a word ‘ore, if those lass are brave enough to face what comes, then so shall ye. Gods help ye son, if ye sat there and lied to me” Liam walked out, then Jughead got up beside me, but instead of turning to me he went out with Liam. The rest of us followed. 

I was in a daze as Sweet Pea lead me out in the back of the group, Jughead and Liam descended the stairs first calling their men and giving them directions that I couldn’t hear from here. Everyone we had left downstairs was now aware that something was happening. Troper followed Rocco to a couch were he sat stunned while Troper stood guard close by. Sweet Pea grabbed my arm steering me to the opposite end of the warehouse to the front door, we stopped at the bar and he motioned for me to sit.

“Bottle of Jack” Sweet Pea said to the barmaid that made my outfit look modest. She smiled seductively at Sweet Pea as she brought the bottle and two glasses. Her outfit consisted of cleverly places bike chains. 

Sweet Pea didn’t give her a second glance which more than anything confirmed the seriousness of our situation, because that barmaid was gorgeous, fit, half naked and clearly interested in Sweet Pea even if it was just to get a tip, even though I didn’t see any jar or anyone exchanging money. 

He just poured a few fingers of whisky into one of the glasses, and the Raven beauty clearly not use to being ignored frowned and moved down the bar. “Drink” he commanded putting it in front of me. I took a sip thankful, I was no stranger to the finer qualities of whiskey neat or even just drinking from the bottle but it had been a while since I drank hard.

“More” he said and I complied looking around. The people here were different then at our club, but mostly what was different were the women. The outfits were much more revealing. No one had a problem with PDA, even given the sober mood that had settled on the room there was still a couple in the corner, on a sofa going at it, the topless red head was riding a guy hard screaming. 

I watched as a big guy with long greasy hair and a Barbarian patch walked over and threw the head haired girl onto the floor. For a second it looked like there was going to be a fight but then the guy laying down stood up and put on his pants realizing that he was a step behind everyone else in the room.

Topaz came up to us as I took another sip, “How did it go?” she asked taking in my and Sweet Peas expressions.

I just shook my head wondering where she has been this whole time, “Why didn’t you come up with us? Don’t you outrank Sweet Pea?”

Toni laughed “Dam right I do, but these guys can’t handle both of us in the same room babe” she took my glass and took a long draw. I nodded to her, now not caring so much about the answer. I asked another “Are you going out to look?” 

Toni sat down handing my drink back and taking Sweet Peas empty glass “I’m on Queen duty” she said in a low voice “Guard her with your life and plan a way out, were his exact words. So what exactly am I planning a way out for, it looks like everything is working itself out”

Sweet Pea gaze like a guard dog, had until now been on everything but us, but he turned to Toni, who was pouring herself a drink, and answered “Reaper agreed to take Rocco’s punishment if we didn’t find Polly.” Count on Sweet Pea to sum up the most terrifying meeting of my life into one sentence.

Toni stopped and looked at me brows rose, like I had lost my mind. After a moment she schooled her features, “I’ll be back in a couple” she slammed back her drink and walked farther into the back still holding the glass, to I assumed find a bathroom.

Sweet pea chuckled lowly as I turned, I thought that he was laughing at Toni but he was looking at Jughead. Jughead was looking at me frowning slightly, with an expression that I knew from when we were kids, that same expression when he was taking all the information in and trying to figure out the least amount of moves he needed in order to win. He got that look when we had played checkers together and he was so good at it that I rarely won. But every time either of us did he got that look and calmly asked to play again. I knew this time there would be no redone.

Jughead nodded then moved towards the front door with a Serpent I didn’t know, Liam and another Barbarian. He was leaving I realized jumping off the bar stool to follow him, but Sweet Pea’s arm stopped me. He laughed sadly again but this time closer to my ear, “Between that outfit Reaper and your antics at the table, I’d say you took at least 10 years off the V.Ps life today” I struggled against his hold “Where is he going?” I asked, but Sweet Pea ignored me and just continued “…by the end of the night more than that will be taken”

His tone was serious I looked at him surprised, but he looked calm meeting my eyes. “What do mean?” I was starting to second guess “I know Rocco is lying”

Sweet Pea took a look around the room then meet mine again, “No offence Reaper but if we just lost you tonight, I’d say we got off easy, but In reality..” he sighed taking a quick glance at the door and back. “We’ll most likely all be dead by morning” he was so calm and matter of fact that alone made it hard for me to understand his words.

“Sweet pea you can’t really believe that.”

He scoffed grinning “I do, ‘cause if you so much as shed a drop, Jughead will see red, and then it will be a shoot-out between the limited guns that we smuggled... “He sighed pausing before continuing “they out man us 3 to 1” As if all that needed to be said was summed up in that statement.

“That can’t be true, Jughead wouldn’t leave me here if that was true.” I spoke in a low whisper Sweet Pea leaned in closer, “He left because the only way out of this is finding your sister. Barbarians had more than enough time to move Polly, even if she had been here which we were talking. ” he gestured upstairs “He left because there is only one way that Jughead can save you, us, and most of that is relying on Liam. A man that likely wants us to bleed” 

At the time nothing had mattered, at the time finding Polly was the only objective “What’s the punishment going to be if we don’t find her?” 

Sweet Pea moved us back to our stools, and reached behind him for the bottle, pouring more into my glass “Drink”

We sat there, In what was the longest seconds of my life, all I could think of was what I had lead them to. Surely this couldn’t be because I had spoken two words out of turn but it was. The brutality around me grew with every moment, as if like sharks they could tell life blood was about to spill. Those guys that hadn’t left were either fighting or fucking, or fighting about fucking.

One guy punched a naked fake blonde; in the side of the head for reasons that even had I known wouldn’t have mattered. She fell to the floor sobbing anyone that noticed laughed or disregarded it, Toni came back and stood to my right and Sweet Pea my left. They didn’t even flinch and I looked away doing nothing.

Who I was? anywhere else I would have attacked that man at least verbally but here, I only made things worse. So I sat sitting in self-hatred silent. I know Toni and Sweet Pea were there to protect me but I felt imprisoned, like Rocco who hadn’t be allowed to move from the sofa.

“Why don’t we just leave?” I said it too loudly Toni looked around quickly to see if anyone heard me, then turned to her side to answer me “Because then we’re dead for sure. Word is that Rocco isn’t a favorite here; he’s pissed off Liam and others. That’s the best we can hope for”

Sweet Pea scoffed adding to Toni’s answer, “Unless he wants war. Wars brings new territory, clients, and goods” Toni glared at him she hadn’t been telling me the whole story.

She countered back “Only if you win. Fighting a club too evenly matched will cost him men.”

“And are we?” I asked “evenly matched”

Sweet Pea turned his attention to me, “Yes, but that depends on Liam thinking we are and he a fights first, old school powerhouse. He has his own code of honor and if he thinks we are weak he’ll attack”

“I’m sorry” I offered though now it meant less than nothing, but Sweet Pea shook his head not letting me dwell in pity.

“We’ve been sniffing each other asses for a while. Brokered some mutual deals nothing long-term, this needed to be settle one way or the other ,friend or foe, it just happened to come down to you.” 

All in all to didn’t take that long for him to come back, around 40 mins after he left, Liam came bursting in the door; everyone noticed when he came in the room. Jughead wasn’t with him, my heart pounded in my chest as I stood but didn’t move forward. A knowing settled on me as sure as I knew anything, if they had harmed him I would do everything in my power to kill Liam. I knew it would be the end of me but it would get done. 

Liam didn’t even give a look in our direction, instead he made a beeline for Rocco, Toni stood in front of me blocking my view but I moved beside her. 

None of us knew but Rocco did or at least he feared it, he put his hands up in a pitiful show of surrender or begging mercy. I realised just as we had spent the last 40 mins praying that it went our way, Rocco had been sitting there hoping for the opposite. I knew the damage hope could do but only one of us could come out the winner, and I still to fuck hoped it was us.

“Ye, sack of shit” Liam yelled grabbing Rocco by the back of his leather and dragged him off the sofa and to an open space on the ground. Not one person from our club or theirs moved to stop him. This display demonstrated that Liam might be older, but he was also strong. Rocco was on his back crying the shaking of his body evident even from here. 

Movement to my left drew me back to the doors, Jughead and Polly were coming through, a gasp of relief and emotion came out of me that I didn’t know I was holding back seeing them both alive. Jughead eyes searched and found mine. He was holding her up his arm around her shoulder, there were obvious bruising on her face but she was walking mostly by herself. My breath caught as I moved towards Polly, but Toni grabbed me roughly turning me away “You need to hold that shit in right now.” 

Her eyes were demanding and uncharacteristically hard “This is when we need you, he needs you. We need the badass Reaper, if Jughead is going to make it out of here; you need to not show one second more of weakness. This is what you asked for, this is all because of you and this is what is required.” She released my arm staring me down “Can you do it or are you going to get us all killed?”

Her words were harsh but they were what I needed to hear, I glared at her and nodded knowing that in me I was capable of doing anything that would protect the people I loved. That I would save Jughead and Polly even Toni and the rest, by doing what I needed to, Toni looked back to Liam and Rocco and the crowd that was forming around them.

“Rocco ye swore to me, on ‘or table, by ‘or blood and colors that ye had not seen this lass for weeks” He gestured towards Polly in a flourish his arms outstretched, it looked like he was playing a part and perhaps he was. Toni and Sweet Pea seemed sure that tonight’s events were orchestrated by more than right or wrong, truth or lies. Liam took the group of Barbarians in before turning back to Rocco “an yet she be in ye house cooking ye dam dinner!” 

Rocco looked out to his brothers in the silent growing circle around him pleading, “I didn’t know she was Jones kid”

“Don’t look at ‘em” Liam came menacingly closer to Rocco, grabbing his arms and roughly yanking Rocco’s cut from his back. Rocco made no move to stop him. Liam held up Rocco’s jacket with the Barbarian patch on the back and looked out at the crowd, “They willn't save ye. No longer are ye, a brother to ‘em, and ye amn't to me" 

Liam threw the jacket on the ground and slowly undid the belt to his pants yelling to his men as he did, “Will I stand a liar?” 

“No” The thunder of their answer resounding through the room as Liam pissed on the discarded leather in front of him. We outsiders just looked on as it played out before us, I wouldn’t look away, nothing that might be weakness.

Polly was crying, Jughead handed her to Joaquin and he took her back out the door. I was shocked she left without a fight, if the man I loved was on that floor nothing could make me leave. Maybe a part of Polly was relieved, that the man she loved and must somewhere hate was no longer going to be a problem. I remember my own ambivalence drawing me back to my ex, if love didn’t make Polly stay, maybe hate made her leave.

Jughead walked over to me and enveloped me in his arms, but only for a moment before handing me to Toni, “Topaz drive her home now. Sweet Pea you to” it was all command no warmth. He knew Liam’s activities where only going to get worse.

There was no bravery left in me I was more than willing to go, but I wanted to go with Jughead. It the end it didn’t matter what either of us wanted because Liam’s voice came across the room behind us, “Jughead bring yourself an yer wan over ‘ere” Liam wasn’t going to let us go.

Jughead expression blanked as he turned his hand on my waist again. We walked slowly, all eyes on us. Barbarians circle open to let us in , Jughead stopped a couple feet away from the cowering pile on the ground, that use to be a man. Rocco was wet in areas and I realised that while I was distracted that Liam must have peed on him too.

Liam reached out his arm to one of his men not uttering a word, a silent wish that was fulfilled because shortly after someone put a handgun in his outstretched hand laying there like across his palm. I wanted to step back but I refrained. Liam looked at me, the excitement and anger still there on his face as he grabbed the gun by the barrel, not the handle, and walked towards me. He offered me the gun, if I grabbed it and squeezed the trigger id shoot his hand off I thought.

“What do you want me to do?” I looking up at Liam, keeping my face stone none of this made sense

“Lass, ye the one that accused him and ye right to give punishment served.” The silver and black gun was still in his hand.

“You want me to wound him?” I ask to clarify

Liam frowned and I knew that he wasn’t happy that I didn’t immediately take it “’e forfeited his life the moment he lied. His fate sealed when he assaulted Jones blood. Either way his fate was decided” So in that room lie or not Rocco would have died but because I had spoken I had risked my life and by extension all the Serpents that came with me and all the Serpents that would retaliate. I had incurred Liam’s anger. Or this was just a pretty story he told to fit the narrative he wanted, but either way it was the path chosen, but I came with a price.

“I kill him” I stated, it wasn’t a question anymore

Jughead spoke up beside me, his voice impossible gruff, “I’ll do it.” I turned to the man I had just spend two nights in bed with, as he told me and Liam coldly that he would kill this man.

“An’t yours to do” Liam said it was a heady statement. He turned to me, this was my punishment I realised, “But if ye lass can’t do it?” the question left open. I knew that if I didn’t, if I baulked in anyway, that whatever came next would be worse. It might cost me Jughead or Toni or all of us. Toni words came back to me, and I wondered if she had guessed this outcome, that she had known the hope of all of us would come down to me.

“I’ll do it” I said remembering Jughead killing for his mother, he wouldn’t kill for me.

Liam looked from me to Jughead he was pleased, though the reason I knew not. Maybe because I complied or maybe because some sick part of him was going to enjoy seeing me kill this man. “Grand, here ye are then” he handed me the gun and I reached out and took it. I stared at the gift for a moment, this moment right here, I knew years from now, would play over and over in my head. Should I have shot Liam? Was there anything else I could have done? Other than to do the very thing he wanted me to.

Everything was sharp and heighten I felt both drunk and high on some uppers, Liam yanked Rocco to his knees. Rocco eyes wide “Please, don’t…” Liam cuffed the back of his head and he shut up only the crying remained. I don’t know why Rocco stayed so obedient on his knees before me, he knew the outcome what made him listen, what made him stay. 

I took a step then another closer raising the gun at Rocco’s head, he bend down a little as if his shoulders hunching could hide him.

Jughead came up beside me, “Betty give me the gun, I’ll do it”. He sounded angry all the command of his V.P voice behind him but I wasn’t one of his men and I didn’t take my eyes off of Rocco. Some small part of me thought if I looked away even for a second then someone else I loved would replace him on their knees.

What I knew was this, Rocco had beaten my sister so badly she had almost died and had been in the hospital for weeks where he didn’t bother to visit her once. I also knew that there was no getting out of here if I didn’t kill him, Liam wouldn’t let any of us leave unless I killed this piece of shit. And finally I knew that whoever did it would lose a part of their soul and there was no way I was going to let it be anyone but me. Only one thing was stopping me

“Will you still love me Jughead? “ I asked flexing the hand at my side preparing for the squeeze of the other.

Jughead shook his head in my peripheral and my heart almost stopped. I turned to him, he looked lost and young like the old Jughead I use to know.

I needed an answer not because it would chance my decision but I needed to know the full cost. “If I do this will you still love me?” I asked again

He didn’t touch me, but his face became fierce when his eyes met mine, “Always. I will always love you”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A Breakfast For Barbarins Gwendolyn MacEwen (1966)
> 
> my friends, my sweet barbarians,  
> there is that hunger which is not for food —  
> but an eye at the navel turns the appetite  
> round  
> with visions of some fabulous sandwich,  
> the brain’s golden breakfast  
> eaten with beasts  
> with books on plates
> 
> let us make an anthology of recipes,  
> let us edit for breakfast  
> our most unspeakable appetites —  
> let us pool spoons, knives  
> and all cutlery in a cosmic cuisine,  
> let us answer hunger  
> with boiled chimera  
> and apocalyptic tea,  
> an arcane salad of spiced bibles,  
> tossed dictionaries —  
> (O my barbarians  
> we will consume our mysteries)
> 
> and can we, can we slake the gaping eye of our desires?  
> we will sit around our hewn wood table  
> until our hair is long and our eyes are feeble,  
> eating, my people, O my insatiates,  
> eating until we are no more able  
> to jack up the jaws any longer —
> 
> to no more complain of the soul’s vulgar cavities,  
> to gaze at each other over the rust-heap of cutlery,  
> drinking a coffee that takes an eternity —  
> till, bursting, bleary,  
> we laugh, barbarians, and rock the universe —  
> and exclaim to each other over the table  
> over the table of bones and scrap metal  
> over the gigantic junk-heaped table:
> 
> by God that was a meal
> 
> Gwendolyn MacEwen (1966)


End file.
